Visitors After the Birth at Home

[Discomonkfish]

Hello all, this is my first baby and I was wondering if you could advise on when you all felt up to visitors back at home. My mum and dad live down South and I know as soon as I go into labour Mum will set off up to Yorkshire. MIL lives in Wirral so is only 1.5 hours away and I know that they will want to come as well. I'm assuming that I'll be in hospital for about 3 days but do you recommend visitors leave you alone for a few days at home i.e. were you too tired or trying to settle baby in? Or did you feel up to seeing people straight away? Any advice greatly appreciated

[auntymonkey]

Sorry - just realised what a rant that was. Just have very vivid memories of those first few hours. Obviously love mother and father in law dearly etc etc

[moondog]

lol am!

[auntymonkey]

My advice for easiest life is to get out of hospital asap - you won't get any sleep unless you have a private room and your midwife should visit you every day at home anyway. I would keep visitors to a minimum as well - there's nothing worse than struggling to breastfeed for the first time with your mother in law commenting on why you're not doing it right and your father in law looking horrified at enormous breasts and catheters etc. Unless you can get them in when you're still too high on morphine to care!

[prunegirl]

Message withdrawn

[zubb]

maybe I just have a very helpful family, but I've loved having visitors round in the days after I've had a baby - they all have to make their own tea and get whatever they want, and take me as I am, but its been fine.
And dh has been there and is quite capable of getting drinks / food for people if they want.
I'm sure they don't want to see me anyway, so if I go and lie down they can look after the baby.
With ds2 I had him at home in the early morning and my parents stayed that night - and bought all their own bedding and towels so that I didn't have to wash anything extra!

[moschops]

my friend phoned me after she'd been home with her dd three days to ask why i hadn't been round to see them yet. my reply was i leave it at least a week before even thinking about visiting. i've told my friend who is due today that when they are ready for visitors to phone us. i'm not going to phone her, i'm leaving it up to her.

when my mate had her dd (many years ago) i was staying with her for the first few weeks and I was irritated at the amount of people popping in, and got really annoyed that people can be so thoughtless...........wanting to get a sleeping baby up so they could have a cuddle.

if they are true friends then they should understand how you feel. and family should know better too.

[SkiBunnyFlummy]

I wanted to show off my beautiful baby within about 1 hour. I was drugged up though after a c-section and relied on my mum to make sure I didn't drop the baby.

DP had to go home for a kip as he was soooooo tired.

[Evesmama]

also if yo havent already got one, get an answer machine and let ALL calls go to it, answer them when YOU feel like it

[Evesmama]

havent read all the threads, but i would strongly advise you stay in hosp for maximum time to get as much help and advice as you can, tell people they can come to hosp at visiting times as the hosp will shoo them away so you dont have to, then when you get home, ask everyone to give you a week..believe me you'll need it, people may take offence, but they have got to take you feelings and those of you dh and new baby into consideration(speaking from experience!)
good luck

[lowcalCOD]

I had ds3 at 3pm on a sat
sunday morning a friends dh let her two kids around to see it
I was still waiting ofr the dr to do my " 6hour pn check"

[colditzmum]

My dp'ws aunty and uncle, who I had never met, turned up the day after I left the hospital.

I let them in, and they stayed for 4 hours. I didn't offer them a drink or anything, but they only took the hint and left when I lay on the sofa and turned my back on them.... I also snapped "Don't touch him - he's asleep!"

Some people can be really rude and my dp was next to useless at standing up for me.

[vict17]

We had friends over just for the day when ds was about 7 days old. I was very anaemic and had an infection, looked like shit and was struggling with cracked nipples (not nice having to sort your nipple shields out in the same room as a childless couple). They were fine but did come with a video camera which I really could have done without!

[bundle]

our NCT teacher advocated putting a note on the door saying "we've just had a baby, we might take ages to answer the door, if at all..."

[Stilltrue]

Visitors - minimise minimise minimise them even if best mates. Yes you may feel like seeing people in hospital in short bursts; frankly you are unlikely to get quality rest there anyway unless you are in a private room , but please get your dh to filter all visits through him so he can 1. limit the duration, 2. say " the midwives think she's not up to it today ", if necessary. Once at home, he again must be your dedicated filter for the outside world. I have 4 (1st born in hospital, other 3 born at home). I'd second the pyjama advice; have sets of separate "night" and "daytime" pairs ready, so that even though you're not going anywhere, you still feel you're getting "up". It will cheer you up ! Also, try to stay in pjs/tracksuit for as long as possible. Once you are fully up and running you can't really backtrack to those leisurely days when all you had to do was gaze adoringly at your newborn...After my last, dh looked after all of us for a full week,ie I did no cooking, cleaning, anything. During the second week I gradually got up to speed with my normal routine around the house, was doing school run with tiny babe, etc. I haven't sat down again since-10 months ago- but that's another story!

[motherinferior]

Visitors who arrive bearing chocolate/champagne, look after you, give you the chance to go back to bed whenever you feel like it and bugger off smartish are fine, in moderation.

Although I am revoltingly sociable, DP isn't, and he had the sense before I had dd1 to insist that we cut visiting to a mimimum. (And friends advised much the same.) In the event, I felt as if I'd been run over and really couldn't face anyone much - much as I hate to admit he was right, he was.

[moondog]

I moved house (alone!) when ds was 4 weeks old as dh abroad.
(Was also dealing with 3 1/2 year old dd.)

Anyway, had a friend from abroad to stay with her husband on my second night in the new house for two nights! I had suggested (hinted!)that they might prefer to stay in the newly vacated old home as it was in the centre of town but she declined!

I should have refused but she had been kind to me in the US so felt obliged.

They were considerate guests but God it was hard. To top it all off, we were talking about the toll childbirth takes on you (she has no kids) and she said

'Well it HAS been 4 weeks and you look alright to me!'

Also the removal guys insisted I make them tea and a snack twice during the day of the move (when I said I had packed all the cups they told me to go next door for a loan!)

Should have told them all to f* off but was feeling really wet.

Visitors. A hard one. So flattering that people want to see you and the new babe but really tiring. I couldn't believe how long people stayed without offering even to make a cup of tea despite me being alone in the new place,surrounded by boxes with two kids.
One couple stayed for three hours!
I think that the tip about staying upstairs in your pyjamas is the best. You're not then officially 'up and about' are you?

New mothers deserve to be treated like queens. I wish I had insisted on that a bit more. Still, family and dh were wonderful (when around) so that was the most important thing.

[Discomonkfish]

Cheers, I'll encourage plenty of visitors to come to the hospital. I was just estimating 3 days as its my first but hopefully I will be out before then. I've not planned a c-section wo unless its recomended by the m/w on the day I'm hoping for a natural birth. Pip was due last Tuesday and I just want him / her out now! Thanks for the advice x

[AussieSim]

For DS, DH was under instructions that no one was to visit until we invited them. You can never plan/predict how things will go and how you and bub will be gettin on so I would say put the word out that you will let people know when you are ready and they should stay away until then (except for your mum if u want).

[pabla]

I must say I would have liked to have more visitors in hospital as it can be quite boring (I ended up staying for 2 or three nights with all three for various reasons) - only close friends and family though - when my second was born I had been working within a few minutes walk of the hospital and was petrified someone at work would turn up so didn't let dh tell them till I was out.

With my first one, My mother came to stay for two weeks once dh went back to work but mil was very put out we wouldn't let her jump on a plane as soon as baby was born! With the other two, my mother came to look after the older kid(s) while I was having the baby and in laws came for a few days once she had gone home.

One tip a friend gave me was to make a point of staying upstairs and in pyjamas for the first few days after getting home to remind people you are still recovering and thus not up to cooking, cleaning, etc. You can come down if a visitor arrives but hopefully they will take the hint and not stay long if you are in your dressing gown.

My worst experience with visitors was when my auntie came to stay for a couple of days and was given a lift by the husband of a friend of hers. I was upstairs breastfeeding when they arrived, they had got delayed in traffic so dh had left for work and because it had taken them so long to get here i had felt obliged to try to rustle up some lunch for the guy and his son. It was very stressful and auntie was the opposite of helpful all the time she stayed!

[Donbean]

My auntie put a sign in the window for those who didnt ring and just turned up and it said "sorry, mum and baby sleeping" slightly anti social but did the trick. Personally i couldnt bring myself to do this so i ended up with hundreds of people through the day for weeks! I could have cried and cried as i was feeling this way out for quite a long time after we came home. In my room at the hospital i counted 16 people at one visit! We have allot of friends and a huge family so i expected this. Mostly they came with pressies and cards and stayed for a short time but it was still wearing.
I dont know what to suggest to you,sorry.

[fisil]

We told everyone we were taking no visitors for the 1st 2 weeks. My parents & little brother raced to the hospital on the day he was born and said hi, but only stayed about 1 hour (so a 2 hour drive each way - my teenage brother was very hungover and found the whole business a bit of a trial!). My other brother was living in Malaysia but in Ireland with his girlfriend and due to fly back that day. With our agreement he changed his flight so that he could stay overnight with us to meet his first nephew on his way back to Malaysia on the 2nd night. I only allowed him to visit because of the special circumstances, but in retrospect I actually feel very proud of myself for having cooked dinner & entertained a guest with a less than 48 hour old baby!

[misdee]

when dd1 was born i was home the following day by 2pm (she was born late at night). we had visitors for hours. then at 9pm when we were all shattered dh dad knocked on the door, we didnt answer as we were dozing and he put a snotty note through the door asking when he was gonna see his 1st grandchild. i was fuming.


this time i migth stay overnight in hospital, for at least one night if they let me. then hold off the visitors for a while, or pop round theirs for 5mins each time on the way home.