Pregnant after miscarriage and so anxious

[violetfern]

I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant after an early second trimester mmc in March and I’m just finding it so so tough. I had awful sickness with both my previously pregnancies and have minimal symptoms this time. Every day I’m torn whether to get an early scan, as deep down I feel that there’s something wrong, but I don’t think I can face knowing if there is. I know that I should be enjoying being pregnant regardless but I just can’t and it’s just mentally draining. I feel as though I’m just waiting for the inevitable bad news. Not sure what answers I’m expecting but noone in real life seems to understand, and keep telling me to be positive.

[Psmith83]

@Gemster19 congratulations, 2019 is a long wait for a BFP, I know what you mean about the exhausting knicker checking and hoping for symptoms. I'm at the stage where I know I will do those behaviours, I know they won't make any difference, but I also want to just be like, 'yup, this is how I do early pregnancy.'
@Peach01 totally get all of that especially the thing about shifting reactions. I think one of the things that has surprised me about this pregnancy is not only is every pregnancy different, but I am different with every pregnancy (sorry for the Jedi mumbo jumbo) like, it really depends where I am in life generally as to how I react to blood or symptoms. I'm trying to really stay present for how I am reacting to things right now, sometimes it feels like I have choice (like I can talk myself down or breathe or find some zen) but sometimes I am just in the thick of it all and I can't find my way out of the storm.
@Dolly0706 That's great that you've seen a heartbeat. I think the word 'symptom' is such a useless word for what we go through in pregnancy. Just cause symptom is supposed to mean something- it's supposed to be some info or a clue- and so often the physical sensations actually don't tell us anything. The hard part is not knowing and not being able to see and having to wait. It is so hard. SO HARD

Its so hard dealing with my compulsion and obsession and having to sit patiently and wait and not know and to want something so badly and to have no control over whether it sticks or stays or the course of things. I am so good at running things everywhere else in my life. and pregnancy, especially early pregnancy is torture because there is so little to do other than wait and try to hope.

[ButtercupBlue]

@Dolly0706

Has anyone had a mc after seeing a heartbeat on early scan? I had an early scan at 7 weeks, heartbeat was there and all looked good l. I’m now 9 weeks and feel like my symptoms of tiredness and nausea have suddenly gone and I’m so unbelievably anxious somethings wrong :(

Congratulations on your early scan.

Symptoms can come and go and do tend to ease off a bit towards the end of first trimester. I had a similar thing happen in my 2nd pregnancy and convinced myself it was all over but my son is 11 now!

Otoh, in my most recent pregnancy I did most of my symptoms disappear at 8 weeks on the dot and a later scan found baby had stopped developing at 8w4d. So I've had both outcomes.

Of my 5 miscarriages, two I never saw a heartbeat and the other 3 I saw a heartbeat at 6/7 weeks it had stopped by my next scan.

I hope everything works out for you.

[Dolly0706]

Has anyone had a mc after seeing a heartbeat on early scan? I had an early scan at 7 weeks, heartbeat was there and all looked good l. I’m now 9 weeks and feel like my symptoms of tiredness and nausea have suddenly gone and I’m so unbelievably anxious somethings wrong :(

[Peach01]

It's hard not to worry.
I fell pregnant a few months after MC. I had a couple of bleeds early but I was so together and matter of fact about it. I remember having a bad bleed early hours, I put the details into the Ovia app and it came up red to phone the hospital. I said to myself "put a pad on, go back to sleep and only worry if there's still blood". No bleed when I got back up. Everything was fine, baby is absolutely perfect and adorable.

I'm pregnant again and I've had that feeling like something's wrong a few times and I'm constantly checking for bleeds every time I go to the toilet or I'm always looking down when I'm fully clothed to make sure.
Like you my symptoms are sporadic but last time they were constant.
Now I'm remembering always being worried last time too, but I was so rational about when to start panicking. I think that's just how my brain dealt with it because the physical side was the most traumatic part for me. People don't really understand that and think you're not as affected.
I don't think I would be as rational this time.

[Applecrumble24]

@Slk3558
We just have to take it 1 day at a time, every day is one step safer that's how I think of it.
My scan was good, heartbeat seen, for now 💓

[Gemster19]

So glad to have found this thread. Currently 4+1 after MC in June 2019 and not even a squinter ever since. As it's been so long I don't usually even test, only did this month as I was booked onto a hot yoga class and thought I should double check! Didn't even tell DP for 3 days as I just couldn't believe it - I feel so incredibly lucky but absolutely bl**dy terrified. The constant knicker checking is exhausting already, I know it's not really an indicator but I'm hoping to have symptoms so bad I feel like I've been hit by a truck ASAP, at least then I'll feel like less like I've imagined it!

[Slk3558]

@Applecrumble24 what you said resonates with me, I’m 5+4 after 2 mc and everyday I wake up I assess my boob soreness and how nauseous I feel compared to the day before. If I feel less nauseous or sore that’s it I’m convinced it’s the beginning of the end. Feeling symptoms definitely reduces the anxiety. Time is going so slow.

That’s the sad thing, it would be nice to say I’m pregnant - I’m going to be a mother, but it’s more like I’m pregnant now, but for how long?

I hate being so negative but I don’t think I’ll feel any sense of relief, maybe a bit if I get to a heart beat. (Never got to a hb before)

[Psmith83]

Thanks @violetfern.
I went on to the Headspace site yesterday and looked at their 'pregnancy pack' meditation package that helps you 'bond with your baby' and I felt so much longing- I want to be able to do that but I don't feel able to even think about that yet. I promised myself I'll let myself get that after the first trimester. Until then it feel safe to visualise what is happening in my womb- spine forming, heart chambers, heart beat, cells dividing. And I've booked myself in for a lovely spa day next weekend with a friend- just getting a pedicure and hopefully some lounging and giggling. I am telling myself that even though I don't feel confident 'bonding' with the baby (it feels hard to even call it that at this stage) I want to do everything I can to look after my body and give it the best chance of sticking. Send it lots of oxytocin. I'm also trying to figure out how to squeeze in a swim or two a week in between my childcare and work schedule and trying to figure out if I can find time/money for a half hour massage every week. I was reading a book about how great oxytocin is and I want to do everything I can to a) look after myself and b) reduce my anxiety c) if not enjoy this part of pregnancy, at least want to make some opportunities for care and pleasure

[violetfern]

Thanks all so much

@Psmith83 I hope everything works out for you, that sounds such a rough ride you’ve had. I think ‘I’m pregnant today’ is such a helpful and positive mindset to be in, and you know what, it’s also true! I’m going to take that going forwards xx

[ButtercupBlue]

That's fantastic news @violetfern I'm so pleased for you.

[Psmith83]

@violetfern that is brilliant news! The odds of you carrying to term are really good after a heartbeat is seen. Congratulations!!

[A1b2c3d4e5f6g7]

@violetfern ah that's amazing congrats on your scan!

[violetfern]

Just catching up, it’s comforting (although heartbreaking) knowing that there are so many of us in the same boat. You are the only people who understand what it’s like.

I bit the bullet and have just had an early scan, I just wanted to know what was happening regardless. I got there and it was the same sonographer who had to tell me if had a MMC last time so I was in tears before I even got on the couch!

Luckily, for now, all is ok and baby has heartbeat and measuring at right gestation for dates. I know it doesn’t mean things will be ok but for now I feel better.

Thank you all so much, and I am wishing for rainbow babies for everyone xx

[Psmith83]

in, not bin....

[Psmith83]

Did a little search on mumsnet and found this thread because I am feeling the same. I'm 5+1 today and I have had:
1 partial molar pregnancy in 2014
1 M/C in June 2014
...followed by pregnancy in July (straight after mc) which turned into my now 6 year old son bin in 2015
Then another MC in 2017 when we started trying for a second and gave up cause I didn't have the mental space to bear the anxiety and frustration of TTC.

I'm now 37 and decided I can bear the emotional cost of all the worry and obsession but it is costly. I am trying to manage my anxiety with yoga and mindfulness and writing a journal and therapy. I bought the headspace guide to mindful pregnancy and even tho the tone is a bit smug, it has some useful exercises. Because of the molar pregnancy I'll be referred to the EPAU at 8 weeks which is great, but my non-molar miscarriages happened around the 6 week mark. Just feeling very cautious and hopeful. I keep saying to myself, well, you are pregnant today.' I have lots of 'symptoms' but I know from experience they can be sound and fury signifying nothing.
It will really help after the 8 week scan I think.

[IloveGod2]

Morning and congrats ladies. Yep can also relate. I've had 2 mc but I thank God I've got my bfp and went for a scan last week and everything looks good. Heartbeat, sac etc. Its excited cos I'm getting symptoms I did with other kids but at the same time I'm nervous. Op each pregnancy can be different and researched that symptoms may come and go. Cos I'm abit on edge I've actually booked a scan for end of june. I started acupuncture and listening to meditation cos my stress levels in the last mc were crazy. That has helped me abit, something to think about. I pray that we all will have a successful pregnancy and baby will be healthy and go full term. Amen 🤞🙏🙏🙏

[Iwantcauliflowercheese]

The sickness doesn't mean much. Baby one - sick a few times.
Baby two - HG
Baby three - sick a few times (mc)
Baby four - not sick at all.

1,2 and 4 all healthy babies.

[Snoopy28x]

I know exactly what your going through.

Currently pregnant with a very surprise baby #3. I have 2 dc (4 and 2) and have also had 2 mc both at 11 weeks. I had baby #1 then mc, baby #2 then mc.

I had planned not to have any more kids due to the sheer stress and worry of being pregnant and I couldnt cope with another loss. However here I am. 10 weeks with baby 3. I had spotting at 6 weeks but saw the heartbeat. Since 9 weeks I've been spotting again. Which terrifies me. Epu and my midwife dont seem concerned and just say it's very common and sounds like I'm on the right side of things, however theres this constant fear in me. I still have my symptoms etc but that doesn't always give guarantee.

Dh said I could get a private scan if it would put me at ease but I dont know if that would. I would be worrying they would tell me the worst. The spotting seems to happen if I've been more active, hoovering, pushing a trolley, lifting things.

I have my dating scan 3 weeks today.. so its gonna be a very anxious few weeks 😕

[ButtercupBlue]

I'm newly pregnant for the 8th time (got my BFP two days ago) and five of my pregnancies have ended in miscarriage including my first ever pregnancy so I genuinely don't feel like I've ever had the privilege of a pregnancy where I had that blind faith everything would be fine. It's so bloody hard.

All but the first one of my losses have been mmc discovered on a scan so I can't even console myself with the fact I've still got symptoms / testing positive / not bleeding because that's been true in the past even when I've miscarried and not known it.

To make matters worse I found out really early this time so these first few weeks are going to feel even slower.

I think people mean well when they say 'keep busy' or 'think positive!' but they've really no idea what it's actually like when it's happening in your body so you're literally aware of it every waking minute!

[Ameteurmum]

I could have written this. Currently 14 weeks pregnant and so conscious that this time last year it was a similar gestation that my baby died. Trying so hard to be positive but I feel I’m in no mans land until I feel movements or have my 20 week scan. A private scan is literally not an option because that’s how my MMC was revealed and I don’t physically think I could put myself through it again - the 12 week scan was bad enough. Statistically I know the chances of it happening again are so low but I was that 1% before. It’s a constant battle of being positive/negative and it’s so draining. Anyone else going through a pregnancy after loss is a badass because this shit is not easy

[NS1988]

I feel exactly the same, had a mmc last year found out I was pregnant at the end of March. My anxiety that something was wrong was through the roof so gave in and went for an early scan just before I was 7 weeks. Was so surprised when I saw baby doing fine with a heartbeat. Every time I go for a scan I get so so anxious and just expect the worst, always feel like some bad news is coming it’s hard to enjoy it. 18 weeks now and have my 20week scan coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m still anxious about it. It’s hard but got to have faith things will work out. I hope everything goes well for you this time and you get your rainbow baby. Just take it a day at a time and if you think an early scan will put your mind at ease even for a small amount of time I think it’s worth it

[Garman]

Why should you be enjoying pregnancy? Who says so? Don't put that added pressure on yourself, pregnancy is stressful enough without a previous loss, it's absolute torture after one. I'd get an early scan too now that you're 8 weeks.

[A1b2c3d4e5f6g7]

So sorry for all of you 😢 Same here, I was so relaxed and chilled about my pregnancy that didn't work out, this time round I'm nervous and anxious, checking every time I go to the loo, obsessing over everything. I know it's not healthy.
To the PP who mentioned all of the scans, I think I might do something similar! Partly because I just want to know. And partly because miscarriage rates after successfully seeing a heart beat at eight weeks are 2% apparently. I just need that reassurance. I had my 1st scan at 5 weeks last week 🙈

[GettingAlong]

Glad to be of assistance. I genuinely worried so much due to lack of symptoms (and every single little thing daily) but he was my successful one, so try to enjoy the lack of symptoms, definitely nicer than clinging to the toilet all day.

[violetfern]

@Moonshine11 sorry for your losses. It doesn’t sound ridiculous at all, I think it’s the not knowing at the moment that’s getting to me, so scan might be way forward. I think like you said if I can get to the 20 week point I hope I can chill out a little

@GettingAlong sorry for you losses as well. I get that- I was sicker with my MMC than my healthy pregnancy, then when my symptoms improved at 13 weeks I figured it was just getting better so it was devastating to lose the baby. I know everyone is different but the fact that you felt less poorly with your DC makes me feel a little better!