Positive labour stories please... anyone?!

[AS19]

Hi all,

I'm pregnant with my first, only 17 weeks and already am getting so much unsolicited advice on labour. I hadn't even really thought about it yet (so much else to think about) but today someone at work spent ages telling me all about their awful labour and how I had no clue what I was in for and I should just have an epidural etc.

I am not against having an epidural or any pain relief if I need it but I just feel like it's up to me to know on the day what I can or can't cope with and make a decision, it's not really anyone else's business and it's really upset me because I just feel like everyone wants to tell me their negative horror stories and although I'm not naïve and know that labour won't be a walk in the park, I get to meet my baby at the end of it and I'm trying to focus on that and not get too scared in advance, I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that but at 17 weeks shouldn't I just be focussing on the excitement?!

I was before today but now I just keep going over what she said and I know other people want to tell me their stories too and I just don't want to hear them, it's not like my labour is going to be exactly the same as theirs is it? So I don't feel like they're telling me to be nice it's just like this almost bragging thing about what a terrible time they went through!

Anyway, I would love to hear from anyone who was able to stay positive or even (shock horror) enjoyed aspects of their labour and any advice on how to rebuff unwanted advice (that wasn't asked for, we weren't even on the topic she was obviously just dying to tell me!)

Thank you!

[CuppaSarah]

I've had two labours. One very calm, very sedate spontaneous labour. All very relaxed and enjoyable. I had lots of gas and air and I progressed very quickly, but entirely manageable. I slept between contractions and really enjoyed the whole process.

The second was an emergency induction. The medical staff were tense, but I was having a real laugh. Felt very safe and confident. In the end I needed forceps as baby tried to come out face first. But they gave me an epidural, which I couldn't even feel them place. Forceps was absolutely fine, genuinely no problem. I recovered way quicker than my first birth too. The stitches they gave me infact really healed well and they tidied me up beautifully down there.

Honestly if you have an open mind and trust yourself and those around you, it'll be fine. Fun even! I love giving birth, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[Harebellmeadow]

I also read lots of Ina May Gaskin (excellent on breastfeeding and birth) and Michel Odent (a bit too zany).
My waters broke and I didn't have any contractions. Was under a deadline to give birth within 24 hours (it was actually 36 hours) and got some reassuring IV antibiotics since my waters had broken. Had to be induced by tablet as the contractions were weak so they contractions bloody well hurt and no gas and air was available. An epidural was offered as the only option. But it was manageable, and no way did I want or need an epidural and it would have interfered with my birth positions I though. After 34 hours I thought I needed the loo badly but it was just the baby descending, and shortly after this I was fully dilated.
Although sceptical prior to the birth, I also appreciate that the doctors gave me an IV drug to help the placenta out fast, meaning that it slipped out easily and I could concentrate on my baby and not on further pushing or a retained placenta. It luckily didn't affect my breastfeeding, which is what I had read about.
Was happy that it had worked out well and proud of what I had managed.
Also enjoyed the five days in hospital, in my own room, kept in until breastfeeding was fully established and my second degree tear had healed a bit, and I could walk around decently. Loved being fed three times a day and the nurturing time with my baby, which continued at home.
(Wasn't in England by the way)

[BrutusMcDogface]

Ps I'm doing it for a fourth time in the summer, so it must be worth it!

[BrutusMcDogface]

I'm so sorry I haven't got time to rtft but I loved labour each time. It was painful (of course!) but it is, as explained above, empowering and the most amazing experience.

I felt able to relax and go with the flow- didn't do hypnobirthing as such, but had done yoga/relaxation so knew how to focus fully on breathing. I listened to music, too, which helped no end.

Something else that helped was having my dp there to advocate for me. He knew what I wanted and did his best to make sure I got it.

Good luck! Enjoy the excitement and congrats on the pregnancy!

[Ihatemarmite123]

I had a nice labour. I had to be induced at 36 weeks with a very poorly baby. What could have been a very scary time was actually quite a nice experience considering. I spent a few hours relaxing in a pool listening to music after my waters had been broken.

People love to share their horror stories, so unhelpful. And usually exaggerated.

[user1498549192]

People love giving horror stories! Just ignore them; every birth is different and there's no way of knowing how it will go until it happens.

For what it's worth; mine was absolutely fine! I had an epidural on medical advice and was consultant led on the delivery ward, so presumably not most people's ideal, but I quite enjoyed it in a strange way. The midwives kept commenting that they'd never seen someone laugh so much during labour

Anyway, the point is that at the end of it you will have your beautiful new little baby, and the labour will fade into insignificance very quickly! (I found having a newborn infinitely harder than the giving birth! )

[Mumbofeet]

OP I've had exactly the same at work, people telling me I'll be begging for every type of pain releif and ridiculing my idea of a calm water birth - its so irritating! No one has the same labour! I've been ignoring them and trying to be excited about labour, i plan on using hypnobirthing (although haven't started yet and only got 7 weeks to go so need to get a move on) and im really hoping it will be a case of mind over matter. Although I'll take pain relief as and when i need it when the time comes.
The best advice anyone has given me is to distract yourself as much as possible in the early stages of labour, and when the contractions get painful just concentrate on every contraction being one closer to meeting your baby.
Oh and regardless of what happens in my labour im defo going to tell the gobshite who told me I'll defo have an epidural that i absolutely breezed it haha
Good luck OP, we'll get through it and a few hours/days of pain/discomfort has got to be better than 9 months of all the crap pregnancy throws at you right?!

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

I had a wonderful birth with my DD, at home. I'd wanted a water birth so hired the pool. Friday afternoon contractions started very mildly and about every 10 mins. By Fri pm they were about every 5 mins. I called labour ward but they told me to wait until they were every 3 mins.

I went to bed ha ha and the contractions woke me every 10 mins almost on the dot. DH wrote down the times to track them.

All day Saturday they were intermittent, anything from every 4 mins to 8 mins. At 5pm they were around 3 mins so we rang back labour ward and community MW called back and said could she put her kids to bed first!!! I was quite relaxed so said yeah that's fine....
She came at 8ish and said I was only 2cm so try to get rest and expect baby to come tomorrow sometime.

By 11pm I was going a bit mad and was groaning like fuck whilst on the toilet. DH tried to come in and I yelled "DO NOT COME IN, I'M HAVING A SHIT" which as I now know was my baby descending!!

At 11.30 my waters broke so we called her back and she was very dubious but said she'd come. DH started filling the pool.

At 11.45 I rang back MW and told her I could feel the head. I could.

At 12.05 she walked through the door and DD was born at 12.16

I never got my fucking water birth but actually I don't think I would have wanted it. I was really focused on counting and breathing and stepping. I gave birth standing up in my living room, holding on to my sofa. It wasn't very stressful at all. It was painful but not a bad pain, I really understood it was a good pain of my body working hard. I had to have a root canal once and that tooth pain was much, much worse.

I had my TENS on all the time from Friday afternoon and it was a mat one with a booster button. I loved it and still use it for back pains.
All Sat I was just pacing around, I was walking from my living room to the stairs and back, every time I had a contraction. This really helped me. When I was too tired to pace up and down I just paced on the spot.

I had read Ina May Gaskin, Dick something Read, and Juju Sundin's Birth Skills. I had also read/listened to Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing book/CD. These had all given me various tools to cope with the pain.
For me I did loads of window breathing (in for 6 out for 4) and it helped me to count little notches against an actual rectangle in front of me, mostly it was a door frame or my mat notes folder.
I also visualised my steps as cycling up a big hill I used to commute over. Every step was closer to the top and by the time I was at a certain point in the journey it was all over and I could relax again.

I was very lucky it all went smoothly, I take no credit for it myself.
But I felt confident and had everything I needed around me, supportive MWs (and family) definitely helped. Plus I got into my own bed and had a shower in my own house the same day and could eat my own food, have a cup of tea etc.

I also had loads of unsolicited advice and horror stories. You could see the glee some women told me of their awful births and excruciating pain.... Thanks for that!! When I told them I wanted a home birth they were unsupportive and doubtful. They said just take the drugs, have an epidural, it's so painful you'll be crying out for them when you're actually there!
But, I had my own reasons, I felt I had read up and would want as little chemical intervention and drugs going into mine or my baby's body. Luckily it all worked out. If I had been in trouble I would have 100% gone to hospital.
Good luck!

[lynmilne65]

Yes its sore but it usually ends well !!!

[fia101]

Number 1 a lot was fear of the unknown. Don't be afraid to ask questions or tell midwives what you want. I turned from someone fairly intelligent into a puppet. It was fine.

No 2 did hypnobirthing and stood or was over the ball. I knew I didn't want to be laying down on a bed and I made that clear. I knew I may want pain relief and said so (no. 1 I left it too late). I kept options open. Number 2 was a beautiful experience.

[Peanutty86]

I've not read every comment on here but didn't want to leave without leaving one too.
I'm almost 16 weeks and people have been telling me their stories. Fortunately I'm so positive about my pregnancy and labour/birth that I can just smile and nod.
I'm currently obsessed with birth YouTube videos - you can search for natural calm birth and stuff like that and it really helps me to just look forward to it. As you say, I'm sure we all know it's not going to be easy and things can happen but for me it's important to go into this adventure with the most positive attitude possible. And for now, I'm not scared I'm just excited for the experience and to see my baby at the end of it.

[Usernamechecksout]

My labour was fine and I wasn’t scared of the pain as I’d read this book: Birth Skills. The techniques in this book help you distract from the pain. The midwives at the hospital were all amazed that I was walking around calm and normally at the height of labour (was 8 cm!). It really was manageable and you’ll be fine as well!

[sequin2000]

I second the recommendation to visit www. Tellmeagoodbirthstory.co.uk and particularly their Facebook updates. I had 2 amazing births that I would repeat in a heartbeat. I used hypnobirthing CDs from natal hypnotherapy in the last few weeks. One 4 hour and one 6 hour labour. I preferred the longer one as the contractions were stronger in the 4 hour labour as I suppose they were working harder. Both were water births without pain relief. I decided to have pain relief when it became unbearable and it never did. A positive mind set helps enormously.

[rainbowstardrops]

My advice to you would be to go in with an open mind and go with the flow.
My two births were both very long but couldn’t have been more different.
With my first I went in all naive with my birth plan ...... soft music playing, baby delivered to my chest blah blah blah but the lazy toad didn’t want to budge and that all went out the window and ended up with a room full of people trying to get him out.
Having said that, I still remember saying to another lady from my ante-natal class who was about to have hers that it wasn’t anywhere as bad as I thought it would be.
My second was completely different! DS was on school holidays so I stayed at home as long as possible. Even cooked him his lunch during contractions.
Eventually went into hospital and was already 9cms! I remember the midwife asking if I wanted gas and air and me replying ‘Oh go on then’!
Gave birth to DD standing beside the bed and she was delivered by a student midwife. Yes it hurts as they’re crowning but DD’s birth was incredibly straight forward. No tears and no stitches.
No two births are the same and as long as you go in with an open mind then you’ll be absolutely fine!

[DuggeeHugs]

DC1 was an EMCS after a failed induction and DC2 an ELCS. I loved the CS part of each birth - calm, lovely and experiences that I look back on with happiness.

[abrs16]

Have a look on this website to see if there is a group near you where you can connect with people in RL. www.positivebirthmovement.org

I surrounded myself during first pregnancy with positivity and just filtered out the 'horror stories' which enabled me to go on and have an amazing home birth. I also read Sophie Fletchers Mindful Hypnobirthing book, suitable for both home and hospital births and recommend to everyone regardless of whether they're planning a 'hypno birth'. I'm now pregnant with second and plan to do exactly the same this time around.

Good luck, and as other have said please ignore the negativity. Your body is designed for this!

[AS19]

Thank you so much to everyone that has replied, it's honestly made me feel so much better and taken my mind off what that woman said. It's not that I think labour will be easy or pain free but I don't think going into it shit scared and tense will help either. Really appreciate all the replies and hope you are all having a fab time with your little ones, I can't wait to meet mine xx

[TeaPleaseBob]

My labour was pretty much the exact opposite of what I’d hoped for before hand but was actually a good experience. I was induced at 35 weeks and ended up in an HDU room in consultant led unit rather than the midwife led unit with birthing pool I had decided sounded lovely. Pessary at midnight then left to sleep. Checked about 7am and moved to labour suite, had waters broken and drip started (induced due to Pre-eclampsia and this was advised) approx 9.40. DD arrived 11.40 and my official labour time was just over 1 hour. Very intense and to be honest I don’t remember anything in detail but with gas and air pain was manageable. Think I zoned out a bit, was aware of DH and midwives but didn’t pay them much attention until I was told I had to push. I did need a blood transfusion as spent couple of days very lightheaded/ fainting when standing up. The only thing I’d do differently would be to push for blood transfusion much quicker, I felt amazing as soon as I’d had it and could actually function.
I much preferred labour to being pregnant, had sickness throughout pregnancy and spd which made moving around painful.
I’m pregnant for second time and hoping this labour as straightforward as last. Preferably without the Pre-eclampsia and pre term induction but we’ll see.

[Serafin87]

Morning @AS19 I'm just over 16 weeks, my first too 😀 and like you already bored of the horror stories. I'm very positive, however I'm not stupid and I know sometimes things happen out of our control but il deal with that if I come to it. So far all being well, planning to deliver at my local maternity ward (I feel so relaxed there, the midwifes are just wonderful) and we're using the hypnobirthing technique. I'm practising gratitude daily... Positivity attracts positivity etc. And I'm actually excited to meet our baby, labour and all! In my experience it's my older work colleagues and relatives who to be fair didn't have the greatest experiences as labor was so different back then, but the rolling of the eyes when they hear I'm practicing hypnobirth does grind on my gears 😂 every story is different, I hope you enjoy yours! X

[April45]

Ignore what people say, put an imaginary bubble around yourself. People always tell horror stories but rarely the good. I had a v positive birth which was totally helped by s pregnancy yoga class I did- it got me in the zone and positivity.

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Mine was amazing, 4 hours start to finish, got to hospital after 2hrs, only gas & air, and the pain only got really bad for a very short period (I then asked for epidural but it was too late) luckily the pain went away almost immediately after that and I felt I had to push - only took 4 or 5 pushes - no tearing just a tiny graze. Had fab MW care. Hoping for a home birth with my second (due in August) as I feel confident from my first experience x

[Cracklesfire]

I had a positive birth with DS1 - we did hypnobirthing but my birth plan was basically “I’ve never done it before so I’ll decide what I need as I go”.

I was induced at 42 weeks and had a really fab pool birth using the hypnobirthing techniques - at one point I felt I might need something like gas & air but the midwife reassured me DS would be delivered in another 30 mins or so so I felt I could keep going without it. He was almost 10lbs and I tore fairly badly but honestly I was on such a high afterwards I didn’t care.

I think the most helpful thing is to go into it hoping for the best and prepared to adapt as you go.

[Nicae]

My first was painful - it generally is but got by fine on gas and air. The main thing for me was that I'm very shortsighted and I had to be on a drip and monitor the whole time. I was on my side and found wearing glasses very uncomfortable but felt entirely out of control when not able to see. It was easily remedied with my second and planning for this best advice I could give to anyone in the same situation.
My second was absolutely fine, contractions started about 1am, went to hospital (with contact lenses!) at about 4am baby born at 9.20am, no pain relief needed and 9lb 10oz baby. I didn't even need any paracetamol in the days following.
Good luck with pregnancy and baby.

[pastabest]

I don't remember much of being in labour with DD

I remember the contractions being a very intense pain for around 2 hours, it wasn't at all pleasant but I managed it without any pain relief.

I was finally given gas and air for the pushing bit and that was wonderful and took about 10 minutes. That was more of a 'that stings' kind of pain but immensely better than the contractions.

Then I had even more lovely gas and air for the stitching up bit afterwards. By that point you don't even care.

The only bit I would have wanted an epidural for would have been the couple of hours contractions. Everything else was fine.

My DD isn't even 1 yet and I'm doing it all again in a few months so it can't have been that bad! I know what to expect this time round so will be asking for gas and air sooner and getting in the bath if I'm able to.

[Sophia1984]

Slinkier Our experiences are so similar. My waters went pre-labour and I had a ‘deadline’ to go into active labour before 7am or I was going to be induced. I was fully prepared to be induced and have an epidural then found out I was fully dilated! It was quite maddening having that very strong urge to push and being told I wasn’t ready to!