Hey, this post has taken me a lot to write as it's something I'm not proud of and increasingly worried about...
Basically I found out I was expecting a baby about a month ago now, I am at university still and only 20 so it isn't the best time obviously but when is the right time, right?
Me and the father are together and we plan to keep the baby, he looks after me and has been supportive of my choices ever since the day we found out. We will figure out everything, work, uni, money etc over the coming months and just go with what feels right for our little family.
What is worrying me is that I don't have this maternal instinct I think I'm supposed to have, I don't feel over joyed, happy, nervous, sad, angry, anything I don't feel any emotions. Ever since I was a little girl I've loved babies and always wanted my own, I was never seen without a baby doll or two with me, even making my mum buy only real baby clothes for my dolls because to me at that age they were real so this is a shock for me that I feel nothing. I feel numb. I haven't told my mum yet but my boyfriends family KNOW and a few of my close friends and they're all excited and asking me loads of questions and asking me when my scan is, name ideas and all these lovely things but I feel like they're on this amazing train of excitement and joy that I really want to be on but instead of stopping to let me in it's just sped right past me and im just watching it drive off.
I havent even booked my first scan I keep putting it off for reasons I don't even know maybe I'm scared? Idk
My boyfriend says it hasn't sunk in for him yet but I think my problems are deeper than just waiting for it to sink in anymore....
I feel like I've already failed as a mother, I feel like I've dipped my head in the sand and I can't get it out again.
I know I want to keep the baby, it's not cold feet or second thoughts. It's hard to explain.
I hope someone can understand and can maybe offer their stories and advice please?
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Pregnancy
Ever since I've found out I'm pregnant I've felt emotionless and I need help:(
9 replies
user1489579566 · 13/04/2017 19:19
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