Synographer very pushy - advice needed

[MumBeth]

Hello,

Recently had my dating scan. At it the Synographer was very opinionated about me wanting to find out the sex at the 20 week scan. He told me I would not be doing myself or the baby any good in finding out and I'm only going to be a selfish mother by wanting to find out. His reasons for having this opinion were that back in university (probably about 35 years ago judging his age) his research piece was about which mothers bonded better with their new borns; those who found out the sex prior or after birth? He told me that I wouldn't bond with my baby anywhere near as well as someone who waited.

Now I have a few concerns here.

1. isn't this completely unprofessional? He turned a magical moment of the dating scan into a scary lecture.
   
2. other research I have been reading states the opposite of his claims, does anyone else agree with this in their experience?
   
3. Now I'm worried the Synographer at my 20 week scan might just lie about not being able to tell the sex.
   
   Things get a little further complicated when I point out the Synographer's assistant is my mother in law. I love her to pieces, she is a wonderful woman but I'm wondering if this is where she gets the viewpoint of how bad I am for wanting to know the gender. Her and the Synographer are really good friends too 😕
   
   Any advice or reassurance please?
   
   (FYI just want to know the sex as it feels odd calling the baby it or other non personifying terms, not bothered about gender either way really.)

[raviolidreaming]

I've done a bit of reading and in 99% of what I can find it says there is no proof either way

Yep, I had a look too and it seems to just be anecdotal 'wanting to find out kept me pushing when I was exhausted'-type accounts to suggest a quicker labour, and plenty of people like paddy who felt more bonded when they knew. I agree entirely that you don't need to justify your decision to anyone though!

[lottafizz]

Wow, I cannot believe that you were lectured like that, what a horrible experience! It is completely your choice. My partner and i really wanted to find out the gender but in our 20 week scan but the baby was in the wrong position. "Luckily" they couldn't get all the measurements that they needed so we had to make another appointment and had another chance to find out the gender. Unfortunately still no luck, but my point is that for the 3 scan appointments I've had I have been seen by 3 different sonographers so depending on how big your hospital is you may be seen by someone different for the 20 week scan anyway.

I would hope that regardless of personal opinion this sonographer would have the professional integrity not to lie to you! In my experience so far they show you why they can't determine the gender and do try to find out so you will get an idea of how much effort they are making. But as someone else suggested you can always try a private scan if you need to. Don't let this person ruin your special time.