Miscarriage - what to do...

[BestBeastie]

I'm bleeding. Not a surprise: went to for an early scan after some spotting on Thursday and foetus measuring at just under 6 weeks when it should have been 9.

I'm just concerned as I've no idea what to expect. I remember the doctor mentioned going to A and E under some conditions but I can't remember exactly what he said (I was a bit in shock and on my own) and that's the last thing I want to do now tbh.

At the moment the bleed is relatively light, like the first day of a period, and its strongly red.I'm feeling more cramping and obviously things are starting to go somewhere now.

But I just wanted to know more about what I can expect:

how heavy should the bleeding get?
How long does this last for?
Is there anything I need to look out for - danger signals?
What should I be envisaging in terms of pain?

I know this isn't a comfortable topic but I would really appreciate any help here. It's pretty rubbish enough without the whole unknown thing thrown in.

[Gallievans]

hi Bestie hope you managed to make the interview yesterday.

Being someone who also tends to look on the negative side I can kind of see where you are coming from; but you have a DS so you CAN carry a pregnancy to term so try to focus on that rather than the miscarriages.

Nothing wrong with being in pyjamas all day if it makes you feel snuggly and helps. Just get some with flowing trousers and say you're rocking 1920's style clothes. Stick a cloche on your head and no-one is any the wiser yes I have done this myself

Hang on in there.

[Spindelina]

Glad to hear you're making progress, and that DS is doing well. Looking forward to seeing you back on the 35+ thread, when you're ready.

Go to the interview. Otherwise you'll never know.

[BestBeastie]

Thanks for asking - I'll tentatively say I'm ok.I went for a SMM last Friday as it had been over 2 weeks and there was still a significant way to go according to EPU's scan. Couldn't prolong it any longer. Surgery went well, according to dr. And I now feel like I'm recovering rather than enduring if you see what I mean. Very tired, uncomfortable (I have bad headaches) but looking to ttc as soon as possible. This will require me scaling back on the coffee that's kept me perky over the past 2-3 weeks and, although I haven't exactly hit the bottle, I do need to stop the vino. Very boring. I'm going to the GP to get signed off this week - cannot face teaching (uni) at the moment. My boss is fine with it, but I do want to get out of pyjamas mode. So I may start back to more of a routine this week...

I've got an interview for a job I really so want on Friday. Part of me wants to cancel - I feel very vulnerable, I know I won't achieve my best and I don't want to add a work failure onto a biological one that no matter how hard I try I am still finding it difficult not to take personally. But o don't see how I can not go without making the whole situation worse really. I'm a negative thinker anyway - this isn't helping

Otherwise DS is very well and enjoying school. He's a real treat at the moment.

[arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens]

Hi Best Just checking in to see how you are doing now things have had time to settle down a bit?

How's your DS settling at school?

Big hugs and hope things are getting better for you

[Spindelina]

How's it going today, best?

[Novinosincebambino]

Best I'm so sorry you're going through this (and that far too many of us know exactly how you feel). You will be physically, mentally and emotionally drained so look after yourself. Your body will go back to 'normal' but it takes time and it was a killer to look at my body which showed all the signs of still being pregnant yet I felt empty. It felt like a cruel trick. Pjs and crap tv helps slightly but just allow yourself time. I hope you'll be ok and I'm sending you lots of hugs because that's what I needed.

[positivity123]

Also it's OK to feel crap. I'm a really upbeat person and tried to rise above it but I crashed big time. It's OK to stay in your pj's and watch shit TV for a couple of days don't try to be a hero.
Sending you flowers as it's a really awful thing to go through

[positivity123]

I had one last year. Just be warned that the bleeding is likely to start up again. I tried to go back to work as the bleeding had been light for over 24 hours then I had another heavy bleed.
The whole thing knocked me for six. I was knackered about three weeks and just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness that would sneak up on me. Be kind to yourself, it's not until it's all over that you realise just how traumatic it is. I also felt alone but lots of cuddles with DH helped us both.

[Spindelina]

[BestBeastie]

Thanks for asking Gallievans. Tbh I feel crap. Just managed the school pick up though (had to be very quick and worried the whole way about blood loss). But then managed to get cross at ds when he was picky about his dinner (he was very tired).
But I am very drained and still slightly in shock about the whole thing, let alone the amount of blood I've lost. Will take is easy tomorrow but now I think I'll be able to move out of the house without worrying I truly need to get myself a bit more together otherwise I'm going to succumb to this really shitty mood and find it tough to get out.
But thanks for asking. I've told a fair few close friends but despite that and my absolutely wonderful DH I feel very alone.

[Gallievans]

bestbeastie just checking in to see how you are doing today and whether you've survived the school run?

[Spindelina]

Mixture of emotions when I miscarried, but, especially the first time, the main one was pissed off that I'd spent two months feeling crap, all for nothing - by the time I started feeling crap, the pregnancy had already ended.

Glad to hear DS is getting on well - go easy on yourself. DD was in for the morning on Friday. I never understood starting for half a day before the weekend, but it's been nice to have the whole weekend to recover! She loved it, but the emotional energy expenditure was massive.

Hope you feel better for pick up this afternoon.

[BestBeastie]

•sloane* - sorry I missed you there. glad you have help tomorrow - and great that you're out of hospital. I hope all goes well with your recovery.And no wonder you're frightened - I would be: you had a near miss and a real freak of an experience. I can only imagine - and I hope I would only imagine....tbh.

No one around tomorrow. Will probably have to pick up my son at 3, so I'm hoping things will be a little easier: there's no way I could have moved from the house this afternoon and evening.

[BestBeastie]

Hi spin yup, no dieting here either. We are jumping back in to ttc as soon as we can. Ttcing i can manage but I seriously hate, hate, hate early pregnancy - but I guess I'd be lucky to get there again any time soon.

DS at school tomorrow. First full week. Little man seems to be ok, but feel really bad about what an inadequate parent I am at the moment. It's good he's at school though. I don't think it would be good for him to be around me at the moment. He's doing so well and I'm so proud of him, the little chimp.

How's yours doing at school Spin?

[Spindelina]

Yeah, I hear you about the weight too. I've been pregnant twice in 2016 so far and I'm about 10kg heavier than I was in February. Part of that was eating to stave off sickness, but fuck it cake (term coined on 35+ thread) hasn't helped, nor has not really wanting to go full out dieting when I'm TTC.

First time round, I'd bought some maternity clothes in the Vertbaudet sale, and left them unopened pending results of scan. So they went back in the post box unopened.

Is DS at school tomorrow?

[SloanePeterson]

Beastie, I feel you about the weight. But (and sorry, this is quite grim) I was sat on my fair share of bedpans this weekend and there was a lot of stuff in there. Just the extra tissue from your uterus is far far more than you'd ever imagine it could be, and must weigh a fair amount. Same with my boobs, they've instantly deflated and tbh it's quite a relief for them not to be so tender anymore. And if you had to eat to get through the nausea too, you can't hold that against yourself. Ironically, now it's all over I can't actually button the jeans I was fine in on Thursday. I feel like I've pulled every muscle in my tummy though. In a way I'm grateful I was in hospital as my sons didn't have to see me unwell and on the loo and I didn't have to deal with their questions. It's absolutely gutting, I know. I'm not going to try again, I've managed to frighten the life out of myself and my family and I was given the depo injection before they discharged me this morning. Try and have a good few days slobbing around in pjs, you'll have probably lost a bit of bloat when you're ready to get up. I'm very grateful dh is taking tomorrow off, as much as I might protest I'm nowhere near ready to be up and about. Do you have anyone to help for the next few days?

[JCleRoux]

Having just gone through the same thing two weeks ago I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss

[BestBeastie]

Thanks Suzie. I'm kind of preparing myself that this may be a long night....Bleeding started full on about 2 hours ago and doesn't seem to be abating. I'm getting pretty bored of sitting on the toilet and hoping I might manage at least a bit in front of the TV.

And I'm PMS grumpy Spin rather than rage, which may change. Unfortunately I have been very grumpy with both DH and poor DS. But DH took DS to the park, which was a good things because that's when it really kicked in. They're on their way back now and I will try to keep my crap together a bit better. I feel dispirited rather than anything visceral - back to square one, with all the anxieties about whether I'm actually able to get - and now stay - pregnant. But I'll get over it.

The stupid thing is that I"m really fixated on the weight I've put on. I didn't hit the cream cakes but I certainly ate more than I am used to and my clothes don't fit. Part of this may be bloat and I expect to lose it now. But I was on the verge of buying maternity clothes because everything was so tight... I am going to feel far worse if I have to buy a size up. Stupid to be focusing on something so trivial really.

[Suzie2287]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.

When I had my miscarriage in June, it started off as a light period, then it got worse, and it was just like the most awful period I've ever had. I was losing quite large clots and I found that sitting on the toilet helped. The pain was a bit worse than normal period pain. I had a natural miscarriage at home, and the worst of it happened on a Sunday overnight into Monday. Then, the bleeding lasted for about 5 or 6 days like a period. That was the worst night of my life, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through it too.

Big hugs x

[Spindelina]

How's it going today, Best?

In my answer, I forgot to mention the RAGE. Full on hormonal scary woman rage. Worst on day 3 (so tomorrow for you). Fortunately, I had a wall which needed the ivy stripping off it.

[eastcoastmum2014]

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I miscarried at 6 weeks last Feb and it started like a normal period and eventually lead to clots and I eventually passed the sack. It was manageable with pain relief but traumatic so make sure you have lots of support around you! I did go into the epu at the hospital and they scanned me and gave me a blood test to make sure my body had passed all of the pregnancy completely, so it might be worth getting checked out at the hospital when you feel ready! I do want to say though that this isnt the end, I miscarried dc2 in Feb this year and I am now being kicked by Dc3 due in February! Sending lots of hugs from one mummy to another xxx

[Seriousjockin]

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I miscarried at 6 weeks and (while we were devastated) physically speaking, it was unpleasant, but definitely nothing to be frightened of.

It was like a very heavy period, and I passed some clots, but the worst was over within about 48 hours and then it was just like a slightly longer period, I think the bleeding lasted around 8 or 9 days. I had some period pains but only in the first couple of days. I stayed in, rested and watched a lot of telly and got my husband and mum to bring me comfort food. I felt tired but fine.

Be kind to yourself and know that you will get through it. It sucks, but you'll come out the other side.

[oliversax]

Sorry you are going through this. Really good advice above, especially to keep an eye on things and to seek help if you're in any way worried.

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, measuring less than 6 weeks at scan. Physically it was no worse than a heavy period and it wasn't particularly painful. As stated above, I could tell when it was about to happen so sat on the toilet for a while so I didn't have to see anything, made it easier to deal with. I just wanted to give another perspective as it may not be physically (I use that again as the emotional impact is different) as bad as you might expect. Take care.

[BestBeastie]

Thanks for sharing everyone, I know it must be hard to do so (hello Spin - hoping y'all doing better than me on the 35+ board!)

The advice is great, thanks. It's good to know the situation (and I'm relieved I'm not travelling back from Tunisia, andadietcoke: that sounds pretty horrible).

I'm also feeling terrifically tearful, moody, angry. So at the moment it feels like normal AF, but every so often I remember that a week ago I was approaching my 9 week mark and my booking appointment. And then more tears....

But I'll get through it. My work doesn't start back up until the week after next so I expect I'll be ok, more's the pity. One of the things getting me through this year was the prospect of an April baby, but that'll learn me to put too much investment into such a shaky deal.

I'm really sorry to hear about your traumatic experience Sloane but thanks for the warning: I'm so glad you're ok and I'm wishing you all the best for your recovery. I certainly won't take this lightly. [Fwiw - your name is the only thing making me smile at the moment. I've got the "Bueller?....Bueller?...Bueller?" scene going round in my head. John Hughes, RIP: you really made the world a better place.]