Scan at 9+3, measuring 6+2. Advice please!!!

[pa55methecake]

Firstly, I hope this s okay posting here. I have posted on the miscarriage board but then realised that some posts are not replied to and just needed to get this out there and hear from some people that may know what I'm going through.

As it says really. I went for a scan this morning due to a small amount of bleeding at the weekend and some pains at a different time. No heartbeat was found and they said it measured at only 6+2. I now have the heartache of waiting a full week to be rescanned to check my dates aren't wrong but I'm pretty certain that's clutching at straws but understand why they do this. My last LMP was 29th Nov and the last time we had sex was 24th Dec so really cannot see that it is anywhere near viable. Plus I tested on 3rd Jan and it was a very quick, strong positive.

I feel okay in myself, no pains or more bleeding but clearly cannot face work (I work with kids) and the fact I may start to bleed etc soon. This is going to be an awful week of waiting and I just wondered what other women have done regarding work. Did you take time off work until everything was resolved? Or did you take a few days and go back. My heart says take off work until everything us resolved which I'm aware could possibly be 2 weeks as I would need to wait for a procedure too and recover from that. I don't have a particularly busy, crazy job but there are some things coming up in next few weeks that if I miss will have a knock on effect on how our service runs and will likely mean I'd be quite stressed when I do go back. Saying that, I won't feel guilty about needing to be off.

I am totally devastated and feeling at a total loss at the moment. I have a supportive husband but he is very 'Yorkshire' in his dealing with things and so is not showing any emotion within moments of us finding out was already making comments like 'don't cry' and 'we'll get pregnant again' which I really do not want to hear right now, I just need to cry and grieve. If anyone can give me any advice or kind words I'd be extremely grateful.

Thank you

[Eastend2015]

I'm glad that the procedure went well. Do give yourself and your DP time to grieve, spend time together and talk to others about your experience. Good luck and hugs

[cockermum85]

Thoughts are with you. Didn't want to read and run Xxx

[Inwaiting]

Thinking of you sweet and sending you so much luck your way for the future xxx

[pa55methecake]

Hi! Thank you for all your messages over the past week or so. Just thought I would update incase anyone was following. I know I've read a few threads from a while back when looking for info and it always helps to see the outcome.

I had my ERPC in Friday and was way less traumatic than I thought it would be, infact it was very straight forward. The anxiety and waiting were the worst bits. Luckily we were given a side room which made the waiting all the more easier. The staff were all lovely and explained everything to us both. The tablets to relax the cervix beforehand was less stressful than I thought it would be as at our hospital they have just switched to tablets placed under the tongue rather than pessaries and apart from being very chalky and not being able to drink were fine and caused minimal cramps. I was taken on a trolley down to a separate room to have a cannula put in and the anaesthetic administered. Unfortunately they had to have two attemps to put the cannula in and it did hurt but they were very good at trying to distract me and I actually feel proud if myself that I have now had it done (anxiety of needles). I came round an hour later and apart from being shivery and tired I felt so much better than I thought I would. I couldn't feel that I'd had anything done at all. I was allowed home about 2 hours later once I had eaten something and had a wee. For the first day I felt okay though a little wobbly after the anaesthetic. Two days in, I've not bled much and get waves of cramps which arnt nice but bareable with just paracetamol and a hot water bottle.

I would say that the actual process was fine and for anyone reading this looking for some reassurance I'd say be gentle on yourself, for me the anxiety was by far the worst bit. I'm feeling glad I chose that option as it was the right one for me X

[pa55methecake]

Hi, thanks for the messages. Sorry for the delay, I've not been on the boards.

Started bleeding a bit yesterday,be an today and as expected. Booked in for procedure at hopital on Fri as feel I do just need this resolved now so I can move on and feel better. I felt overwhelmed when discussing Friday's hospital visit but know I need to just get through these next few days.

Thanks for all the thoughtful messages :)

[Northernlight22]

So sorry you are going through this. I went through similar last time I was pregnant, unfortunately my news wasn't good news but equally I've spoken to people who have had a happy result.

When's your next scan? X

[MissClarke86]

I apologise if my above post sounds negative. I really do hope things work out well for you. when I was going through it i appreciated hearing people's experiences. I think you know when things weren't right and in my case the dates meant I would've got my strong positive test a few days before I conceived! So I knew, but your situation may be very different.

[MissClarke86]

Hi, I just wanted to offer my sympathy.

I have been going through a very similar thing since November (I began with light bleeding and went for an early scan that dated me way later than was even possible so I knew early on things weren't right). I won't post my full story here, but it's on the Miscarriage board should you wish to read it.

My advice would be not to let them drag things out for you. I had to keep waiting 2 weeks, go back, 2 more weeks, go back, etc. I eventually booked a D&C but was sent home as heavy bleeding, but that continued for 2 more weeks! Even when you think you've had a miscarriage, you don't know for sure if everything has passed until you have waited 2 weeks for a pregnancy test.

Yesterday I finally had a D&C (under general) which was quite honestly a breeze (physically) so don't be afraid of it if it comes to that. The worst thing for me has been how long it has gone on, and I have had constant light bleeding with heavier gushes occasionally. I wish I'd pushed for the D&C earlier as I now feel some closure.

Everybody is different but do what's right for you. Emotionally, I accepted things a while ago now. I did have a few days off when bleeding heavily, but have been in inbetween times. I teach, but have a lot of support around me, including a very supportive headteacher. Only once have I had to do a runner due to a heavy bleed.
I am off today after the D&C yesterday, but that is hospital advice and quite honestly I am physically better than I have been in ages. Will go back tomorrow.

[Inwaiting]

When's your next scan lovely? Thinking of you xx

[pa55methecake]

Thanks november that's reassuring. I suppose I just have worst case in mind, it's the not knowing isn't it :/

[novemberchild]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but it didn't suddenly happen. It began like a period, light over about three days, very heavy for two, then tapered off like a period does. The heavy bleeding was quite bad, you can 'feel' it and you will need to sort yourself out (ie pads) often and use decent snug knickers.

I wasn't in a lot of pain, to be honest. Don't think I took anything, maybe just a paracetamol on one occasion, maybe two. It cramped, and feeling messy was horrible (obviously not discussing emotional effects here, just physical) but otherwise it was not too bad.

[pa55methecake]

Sorry for the delay in replying. Very kind of you inwaiting, I had a bad day yesterday with pains but today I've felt the best so far and have been able to keep busy at home. There's nothing wrong with lurking, I'm often a lurker.

november, thanks for sharing your story. Yes my hubby struggles a lot but I know would do anything. Could've swung for him last night when I was upset and told him I was scared of it suddenly happening and how much it will hurt. He looked at me dead pan and said 'why do you think it will hurt!!!!'

There is absolutely no shame in having marriage troubles, I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't tell people at such a hard time. Thank you for such lovely words and I'm sorry that you have been through this too!

[novemberchild]

Hello, OP. I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. I went through the same in December when I was told my 11 week pregnancy was only '8 weeks, no heartbeat' and I was certain of my dates.

I did start to bleed about five days after I found out, but it ended up incomplete (a test was still showing positive) and I took misoprostol to complete it about three weeks later.

The anxiety in waiting is horrible, and it was for both me and my husband, who is exactly the same as yours - thank you for sharing that part, because it has made me feel better. I was very hurt that DH was suggesting we book cinema tickets to 'cheer me up' after we got the news and found it quite hard to forgive him for saying it but he never knows what to say in these circumstances.

As for work, I had no choice as I was in retail at Xmas and I had not told anyone that I was pregnant because people did know I had recently had serious marriage issues and I felt ashamed. I don't recommend this - it was hard enough to see the children in the shop so having to constantly interact, rather than just in passing, would have been very painful.

I wish you the very best, unmumsnetty hugs and know that you aren't alone.

[Inwaiting]

how are you doing today? i've been lurking (so sorry but i just don't know what to say) hope you're ok and thinking of you xx

[pa55methecake]

I ballsed up the cake so it went in the bin :( thought it would distract me but I was so distracted by feeling rub bush that I got the instructions wrong :( oh dear will just have send hubby on a cake run tomorrow :)

[Eastend2015]

Cake always helps ☺️, thinking of you

[pa55methecake]

Thank you for all the comments. I started with cramps and lower back pain yesterday so I feel like things may be about to start naturally. I was hoping to get out of the house today but I don't know what to expect if it suddenly starts so think I may stay put and bake a cake or something instead. Cake has got to help right?

[riddles26]

Please don't feel bad about not being at work. I was in exactly the same boat as you when I was off but looking back, I would not have handled it emotionally. If your work is anything like mine, you are expected to be 100% when there. If there is someone you can be with, try and spend time with them. My husband took the first couple of days off then worked from home when it happened to us so I wasn't alone and that helped a lot.

I tried so hard not to get too involved from the beginning but it is no easier to deal with. I avoided referring myself for maternity services until I was 6 weeks just in case but it didn't make a difference and it was just as horrible to go through. I am still terrified of getting pregnant again but just take each day at a time right now and you will start to feel stronger

[HolaWeenie]

Sorry you're going through this, every day drags doesn't it, I had a whopping two week wait between my scans ugh. I did go back to work. But when I got the news that we had been dreading I took a week off for medical management etc. it is very difficult emotionally, hoping the best for you.

[Eastend2015]

You'd be surprised- sometimes hearing what 'Dave from work' has been up to is exactly what you need! Just keep talking eh? It doesn't matter what about.

Retail therapy is another good distraction! I ate a lot, drank a lot, cried a lot and spent time with people who could either cheer me up and give me hugs depending on whatever I needed.

[pa55methecake]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts! Ipthis thread has helped me such a lot!!

I'm very up and down today with some cramping but other than that still feeling okay although somewhat 'pregnant' still.

Hubby has been very good an know that he will do anything to make me feel more at ease so we'll cross that bridge when it happens. He too gets quite nervous and does come out with random things at times of stress but I know it's his way of coping, even though I don't want to hear what funny things 'Dave from work' has been up to.

I am feeling a little bad for not being at work as physically I am able to. It's more the emotional side, knowing that very little things are setting me off and thought that I may start to naturally miscarry at work or worse still in a direct session with a child and how I would handle that.

I was totally gutted this morning when I couldn't do my routine checking of pregnancy app for daily info. I think when we get pregnant again I will definitely not get quite so involved so early. I bought some bigger sized clothes last week too and now I can't even imagine wearing them knowing they were for this pregnancy in mind... Think I'll take them back and treat myself to something nice :)

Any other good coping strategies? I'm open to suggestions!

[riddles26]

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Something similar happened to me in Dec, I went for a scan due to a bit of spotting, should have been 7 weeks but was measuring much smaller. They told me to come back a week later to look for growth and heartbeat.
I started bleeding much more before the second scan. When I did go back, the scan showed it was still there and had grown a tiny amount but not as much as it should have. Although they said it was not viable, I had to wait for another week to confirm this due to the small amount of growth. I had decided I wanted to have ERPC but then I mc naturally before the 3rd scan.

I didn't have any blood tests taken at any point either.

I did go back to work between the first and second scan to try distract myself - it worked at times but had moments where I struggled. I told a close colleague so she was able to support me a little when I was finding it hard. I work with children too so completely understand how you feel. After they confirmed it was not viable, I got signed off for 2 weeks as I really couldn't face it at that point.

Look after yourself and take all the time you need

[DisneyMillie]

Thinking of you xxx

Personally I took the time off whilst waiting for a definite answer and then a week after my medical management. Do whatever you need to do to get through it and be kind to yourself x

[Everythinggettingbigger]

Hi OP, just thinking about you

[Conflictedkate]

hi OP....how are you today? To answer your question no they didn't do a blood test for me either. I was just booked in for a rescan for a week later to see if any growth.

I was going to request an erpc rather than medical but as I said it happened naturally for me in the interim. It was painful but manageable. When I went for my rescan they confirmed mc was completed which I was relieved about as scared that I'd had all the bleeding and then would need surgical intervention anyway. I also had to take pg tests for a while after until I got a negative. That was difficult.

My heart goes out to you - it's so emotionally painful to deal with xxxx