Anyone elses mum annoying them in pregnancy?!

[moomin35]

Grr! My mother is so annoying! She wants to know the second i go into labour and wants to see the baby when he's hours old. She keeps asking how she will be kept informed etc etc. Shes already going on about how to best parent (it's not even here yet). I wish she would back off! Anyone else have this problem?!

[livingzuid]

lula your mum sounds like she is projecting massively what she wants onto you. It is inevitable sometimes but it's not right. You have nothing to feel guilty about - yes it is her first grandchild but much more importantly it's your child. What you want comes first. She needs to separate her own feelings out from what it is her daughter is asking for.

Stand firm in your decision and do what makes you feel comfortable. It's not easy is it

[PassTheAnswers]

Oh cripes, I'm not looking forward to this again. My mum was very hands off but supportive (fantastic). mil is a nice person but drives me batty. We had problems ttc ds and her reassuring words when dh called seeking support was 'we got gp the first time of trying in the first months' err thanks. Lots of comments throughout pregnancy and her was of greeting me at the door was to lunge at my sizeable bump, only to nearly headbutt the doorframe as I side-stepped out the way.

Even dh got fed up with the 'my mother used to drive my crazy telling me how I do xyz so I won't be like that' 2 hours into a conversation where she proceeded to tell him everything we needed to do. And because her labour had been xyz and dh early (39+6 so hardly early) I was guaranteed to have the same. She looked surprised when I got to 41+4 and then tried to offer her opinions on induction

My father takes the biscuit though. I had horrible anxiety about something going wrong during labour, which he knew about. At 38 weeks he went on at length firstly about some random woman on the radio whose baby was stillborn and that it could happen to me, followed by a story about my half sister whose mum had something left inside her through medical negligence. And got the hump when I told him I didn't want to know. Thanks Dad.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Some people (yes you Mother and MIL) get obsessed with the race to be the first to see the baby. At least my mother is upfront about it I suppose whereas MIL is trying to do it by stealth (I.e. When she drops older DC at hospital to see newborn, even though we've politely said we just want it to be us for a few hours I know she'll try and "pop in"!)
Ido understand they are excited about the new arrival but think they should also appreciate you will want a bit of time to get to know your baby and sort yourselves out before a mass round of visitors!

[Boogles91]

i must be lucky lol my mum is my bestest friend and its always me asking things lol and she completly understands i jus want my man there she did tell me she wpuld love to be tyere as im only girl and there last child but she understands :) i said there will be a next time hehehe feel so sorry for you all that would piss me off and i would soon make my voice heard...i would say if u carry on the way ur doing u wont be seeing ur grandchild at all until u learn to behave properly

[lillajag]

Wow, some mothers and MIL's sounds horrible :O

'Luckily' my own mother doesn't live in the UK and won't come for a visit until 3 weeks after my due date. I do know she's feeling left out of not seeing her first grandchild grow inside of me and be a part of this wonderful journey we're going through, so I'm trying to tell her about every midwife visit and things we've bought.

The only thing that annoys me it the fact that she can't understand why I'm choosing to have a home birth. I'm from a country where they're really rare and I think first time mums are not even allowed to do so. I've shown her all the evidence of it being as safe as a hospital birth if the pregnancy has been fine, but still she asks me weekly if I've changed my mind :(

[SassehMonsta]

I'm going to get my DF to take me into hospital (at least thats the plan at the moment, mind you, early early times - only 10+4!), but my DM is not coming with me in there! She drives me batty. Currently shes on the "are you doing anything today, can I pop over and make sure you are OK/eating well/keeping the housetidy". I appreciate she means well, but I want to be left alone sometimes. I'll ask her if I want her to come over!

Mind you, I have agreed to go on holiday with the parents and 2 of my siblings next weekend, without my DH, to Wales. Should be fun, if only she stops asking me repeatedly how I am doing!

I want my MiL to come with me, but if I can only have one person in the room with me, it will have to be DH. Have discussed it with him and he agrees about keeping my mum out the way! Haven't told either MiL or y mum.... Leaving it a bit longer!

[sambababy]

We specifically said no visitors to the hospital and that we would have guests when we felt settled at home. MIL drove straight to the hospital & damn hospital staff didn't check with us or anything. First we knew was when there was a knock at our room door and DH was shocked to see her standing there. I was lying with my boobs out attempting to feed, with bloody knickers to boot. Mortified! DH sent her away.

[elliejjtiny]

Me too. This baby is unplanned and due only 13 months after my youngest (traumatic birth and multiple health issues) was born. So we have been taking it very slowly, waiting to tell people and not really talking about it much. She's moaning that we are pushing her out.

We're planning on just telling parents and inlaws name, weight etc just after the birth and then switching off our phones until home from hospital. Apparently this is wrong.

With DS4, we said no visitors apart from us and his siblings to SCBU. So DH's step nan sneaked in and went on to the whole family that she'd seen him and they hadn't. I was fuming and also offended that when she sneaked in to see DS4 she hadn't bothered to visit me (not that I would have wanted her to but that's not the point).

[roo2605]

MIL is already like this and she doesn't know we're TTC. She told me years ago that I shouldn't have been taking the pill. She tells me she wants a grand daughter so she can buy lots of clothes (her tastenis v different to mine) and the other day she suggested we use our medical insurance for when I'm pregnant... I already pay taxes towards the NHS.

Oh and she will pay to send our child to private school. Even though the nearest one is 25 mins drive away.. And DH and I went to a regular school and turned off it well.

Am dreading telling her when we fall pregnant.

[Donkle]

I have the exact opposite, I'm 7.5 weeks and my mother is really not interested, keeps down playing my intense morning sickness and texting my husband asking how 'the grumpy woman' is, only her word isn't woman - which is even more offensive as I genuinely have a strong hold over my emotions with her, which is to show none.

I had an ectopic scare in the beginning and her help was to tell me horror stories of death, infertility and depression. OH JOY! I'm a size 10 and already bloated and she said in front of about fifteen people "you're beefing up aren't you love". She is an absolute douche, but she's my douche.

If your mum wants to share parenting advice it's obviously because she's so proud of the job she's done on you. I understand how it could be annoying but you should try and see it as a reflection of her love, and she's still learning the rules of social boundaries in this example obviously.

It's great to vent about your mum, I get that, but when she's motivated by love and not just being an actual dickhead then maybe cut her a bit of slack. I'm not saying that you should be, just that I'm sure in this case there is definitely a silver lining.

Have a bitch about her and then ask her firmly but patiently to back the f**k off. If she doesn't, have some fun and wind her up about different styles of parenting you plan on using, feeding a mixture of goats and sheeps milk or some crazy names you're really passionate about.

Don't let it get to you and have some fun with it, my husband has already convinced mine that our child is getting the name of the pedigree cows we farm. I really hope it improves for you soon and wish you all the best with your pregnancy, but it is your pregnancy not hers.

Sam x

[Gennz]

My mum is driving me crazy. She is very excited about the baby which is nice, but she rings me at the office every day to talk about the pregnancy and ask "how are you?" in sepulchral tones. I stupidly told her that I was pregnant early at about 6 weeks (won't be doing that again) so obviously those conversations were terse as I didn't want work to find out until after the first trimester!

I am not a very maternal person and if I am at all negative about pregnancy I get told I need to be positive "because the baby can hear you." I said "it hasn't got f#cking ears yet" and got told off "for swearing in front of the baby" . Then followed it up with "I'm sure your DB has had MH problems because I was grieving when I was pregnant with him."

Am constantly told that "four is the ideal number of children" pointedly "if you can afford it" because she thinks DH and I are "rich" as we are both lawyers. (We are not rich and we would certainly not be comfortably off if we had 4 kids, not least because I would not be able to go back to my job which I love. She doesn't get this at all as she is not career minded and a job is something to fill in time until you have kids. Plus I am going to be 33 when this child is born so I think fitting in 4 is unlikely - even if we wanted 4 which I don't.) She would have had five if she could have (never mind my dad was unemployed for most of my childhood/teen years and we were absolutely miserable with just 3 kids, let alone 2 more in our tiny house.

On the back of this I get very unsubtle talks about how having two is "so precious and twee". I haven't even had one yet. Then totally unrelated stories about "smug wealthy professionals" who "hothouse their children".

Basically if I manage to get through this pregnancy without clocking her over the head with something I want a medal. Ahhhh felt good to write all of that down!