Happy Birth story- advice from a brand new mum

[HannahG315]

Thanks for the support and advice over the past few weeks. My LO was born March 16th and settling in great- here's some tips for those still waiting:

• when waiting for labour to progress get up and about!!! I don't mean walking up and down corridors. I ran up and down four flights of stairs for over an hour, squats, jumping jacks, even Irish dancing! And various speeds up and around the hospital grounds- therefore my labour progressed quickly and without intervention (after waters went, had 24 hours to get myself going naturally)

• EAT AND DRINK RUBBISH FOOD!! My midwife told me to eat a McDonalds or fry up from canteen and drink full fat lucozade or coke- gave me the energy to get through the day and run around getting labour going.. You need fatty stodgy food

• have TWO birth partners- if you're there for a long time they can take shifts! My mum took the long slog and my OH got to have his last ever decent sleep- he was nervous and cleaned the house instead, but it was better than waiting around with me

• demand!!! My mother was good at this, she ensured that nurses and midwives did what they promised and when!

• grunt don't scream 'put your voice in your bottom' when you're trying to control those contractions screaming makes them last longer, if you feel like you can literally growl through it you can move with it

-- be wary of pain relief- gas and air for me was awful. I felt out of control and then I was given diamorphine (not sure how its spelt) and I no longer had the ability to feel the contraction build and release- suddenly loosing this control and being OFF MY TITS made me panic.

Once you have accepted the pain it is doable, you just need to think of it as a driving force- like an acceleration up a big hill! I'm sat here now with my little boy and that seems like a blip in the grand scheme of things!!!

Just wanted to share this with anyone still waiting or with any concerns. I've found these posts really reassuring and brutally honest!!! Hope someone else gets that from this!

[Poppet45]

Congrats on the birth OP but go easy on the labour advice. It is entirely possible to do everything 'right' and have clusterfucky outcomes. I've done g&a waterbirth and entirely drug free active labours and ended up in hdu after an almost fatal bleed first time and watching docs rush my child out the room to be ventilated the second. Maybe it was my lack of McDonalds? This kind of inane birth advice pointing out the normally blindingly obvious only sets those who have more traumatic deliveries up for an even bigger sense of shock and trauma. You can do as much as you can to prepare for a great birth but have no illusion you can control how it goes. You can only control your response to whatever birth scenario you end up with.

[JosieMcDozie]

Good for you op! I couldn't have done that with my first natural birth. I was in labour for 3 days, in hospital for over 30 hours before my ds was born. If I'd have been prancing round like a show pony all it would have done would have knackered me out unnecessarily. As for eating mcdonalds etc. absolute rubbish. There is nothing of nutritional value and it would have done no good whatsoever in giving you energy. At the end of the day, it worked for you and you now have your lovely new baby, but be wary of coming across 'my way is right for everyone'.

Incidentally, I'm booked in for an elcs and feel no shame about not doing it again naturally. The absolute most important thing for me is the most low, calculated risk for both me and baby. It doesn't matter how your baby gets here, just that they do with the least trauma for all involved.

[greentshirt]

Elledubloo you might want to get your post deleted, I know who you are talking about just from that one line and as a dr you should probably be more careful about discussing things you have seen in theatre!!

[TheFantasticFixit]

Chicathe only thing that matters about the birth of your baby is that you feel respected, as dignified as is possible in labour, that you and your baby are safe and healthy. If opting for an elective gives you that, then go for it. If on balance, you feel that a natural, drug free labour would give you that, then great, choose that. There is no need to feel guilty for choosing the best method of delivery for YOU. And we have that right, even if the NHS makes us jump through hoops for it (and they did, ime, which turned out yo be the most stressful part. and I had a traumatic first labour, had had counselling etc and still had to go through all the decision makers.. Ho hum)

Quite frankly, any method of delivery can result in a lot of pain, and leave you recovering for some time. A baby is coming out of either your stomach or your vag so is bound to leave you bruised and sore!

But I have absolutely NO DOUBT that a. The elective was the best decision for me and she, and that if I have any more babies in the future it will definitely be the method of delivery I would choose.

[ChicaMomma]

Fantastic, every single one of my friends who've opted for the ELCS say the exact same thing as you!!! I am so tempted, i will not lie. But let's not even open that can of worms!!!

Congrats to you, hope you're enjoying your new little one.

[TheFantasticFixit]

Ah OP, god love you. I had my baby on the 10th so I can kind of understand the 'let's talk about my Amazing Birth and in intricate detail, especially the bits I'm most proud of' vibe going on in your post. I think it's actually great that you have had such a positive experience.

So e of your points are most definitely just personal to you and should be acknowledged like that - with DD1 for example, I could not have enjoyed diamorphine more - I thought it was bloody amazing stuff and was more than ready to feel off my tits at that point - it was either flow on a fluffy pain relief cloud or feel the depth of each contraction hell, so meh, each to her own on the pain relief front. Personally, the drugs trolley wouldn't have satisfied me at the height if the pain!

Secondly, to those nervous about going through an ELCS - don't be. I had one on the 10th and it was my most positive experience so far. Lovely, calm birth, classic fm tinkering in the background, very, very little pain, laughing and joking with midwives and anaesthetists. They put the screen down as my youngest was lifted out from me and it was the most gorgeous moment. Back to recovery after, lots of lovely pain relief, perfect wound that is now healing very well and somehow I have grown the most chilled out baby in the universe! I was on cloud 9 after the birth, stayed on postnatal for a couple of nights and then home, snuggles in bed with my baby girl and honestly pain relief more than sufficient. The total opposite of my first labour.

I'm now 8 days post labour and already up and about.

Talk through any and all your concerns with your consultant, or midwife, but I really hope you have as positive an experience as I did!

OP- best of luck!

[squizita]

"No wonder there are so few positive birth stories online, given the reaction she has gotten. Why would anyone bother when they'll be shot down by the majority?"

But it's not been written as a birth story. Birth stories are wonderful. Websites like this one are full of them and they are lovely: tellmeagoodbirthstory.com/

They don't have words like "advice", "tips", " therefore my labour progressed quickly", "don't", "be wary of pain relief...Once you have accepted the pain it is doable".
These are command words: it's written like a 'how to' manual.
The OP may not have intended this but it isn't a giant leap people are making: all those command verbs come from the OP.

For someone who has had a previous traumatic birth or knows they won't be able to do all of these things it would be upsetting,

[purplebaubles]

I'm glad you had a happy birth :) and it's lovely to share..

But trust me, it's nothing you did, or didn't do. It's just what happened to you! If/when you have your second, and it's completely different to what you've just been through, you'll see that.

Once you have accepted the pain it is doable No, it wasn't, in my case. So what, I'm a failure?!

You've been lucky Great! But please just share as a nice experience, rather than trying to make out you're an expert in how to do it

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

I am not particularly sensitive these days either. I'm on no. 3. One good birth, one not so good, on still TBD! But I remember how raw and tearful I felt about the not good one for months afterwards. And I know how i'd have felt if a member of my NCT group had rocked up to our meet ups with a list of tips like this. As opposed to just a happy story (of which we did have some, I promise!).

Enjoy the Maccy D's. Can't say I'd have stomached it in labour but each to their own on junk food

[ChicaMomma]

OK- people didnt appreciate it, i get that. Maybe i'm not as sensitive as most (although i thought i was uber senstive tbh!)

I'm just looking fwd to having a Big Mac meal en route to the hospital :)

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

I don't think that's true. Had this just been framed as a happy birth story I think the OP would have been overwhelmed with 'aww, lovely, congratulations' type comments.

It was the 'advice' in the thread title and the framing of each thing as a tip for someone else. Plus the implied causation (She kept active, therefore labour progressed quickly and without intervention).

[ChicaMomma]

No wonder there are so few positive birth stories online, given the reaction she has gotten. Why would anyone bother when they'll be shot down by the majority?

It's a shame, as i often wonder are our brains hardcoded to expect the worst because it's all we read? I'm a FTM so i suppose cannot comment on how i would feel reading the post had i had a 'bad' experience, but i honestly enjoyed reading it. It certainly wouldnt put me off using gas and air (or an epidural for that matter even though OP didnt get one) but i enjoyed reading the other elements of it. As OwlCapone said, some real miserable fuckers about who would have been much happier if everyone had shitty (medium or full shitty) labours it seems.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

The reason I commented is not because I'm a 'misery' but because, if the OP is posting in these terms on here, there is a good chance that is how she is also talking to all the new mums/pregnant friends she has made through NCT etc.

I had a medium shitty first birth (as in, days long, drip and forceps, not as in medically scary). I know that, just afterwards, I would have felt crushed by someone giving me 'advice' on how to have a good birth and saying that running up and down stairs meant that "therefore" labour progressed quickly.

A birth story is lovely. 'This helped me' is lovely. 'Advice' can hurt.

I know that the OP means well, which is why I said what I did quite gently. I don't think she means to hurt anyone. She just might accidentally.

[peeapod]

yes, thats the issue is the way its framed. It is just one persons experience thats all... Yes you can be on a high from just giving birth, but because everyones different you cant call it advice...

[OddFodd]

Great you had a good labour. Your moving about contributed to you progressing, it's not a straightforward cause and effect which is what you've implied.

And chicamomma - many women don't 'sit on their arses watching boxsets' and still don't progress. 1/3 of labours require intervention of some kind. It really doesn't do to blame the mother when that happens.

It's a birth story, not advice.

[Hippymama]

I be posted on your other thread too. First of all, I'm very glad that you had such a positive birth experience and I'm certain that you wrote this post with the very best of intentions, wanting to reassure pregnant women I'm due to give birth to my second baby in a few weeks and I hope I have a birth like yours :)

What I will say though, is that although I went into my first birth with a very positive attitude, my birth experience ended up being nothing like yours, for a lot of reasons that were out of my control. I felt a lot of guilt that I hadn't had the "right" sort of birth and that I'd needed pain relief etc and to be brutally honest, if I'd read this post a couple of years ago it would have upset me a lot. I know that this was totally not your intention though!

I was induced and spent a lot of time up and about at the beginning of my labour trying to encourage baby to come. However, his cord was over his shoulder and with every contraction it was being compressed, making his heart rate drop very low. This meant for the rest of my labour I was strapped to a bed on a monitor so couldn't get up at all. I did eat during my labour, but due to suffering hyperemesis and having an adverse reaction to meptid, I vomited repeatedly so ended up not keeping anything down. Due to my labour not progressing as quickly as it needed to with my son's heartbeat dropping, I was put on a drip to speed contractions, which was incredibly painful as your body is being forced to do something it is not yet ready to do.

I am allergic to morphine and gas and air wasn't helping with the pain so I eventually had an epidural. I was gutted about this as it was something I really did not want, but in hindsight it was a good thing I'd had it as my son eventually was born via a failed ventouse and forceps as he was becoming quite poorly and it was critical he arrived when he did because of his heart rate. If I'd not had the epidural I would have needed an emergency c-section under a general as there would have been no time to sort out a spinal block.

I'm really, really pleased for you that you had a great birth, but please bear in mind that not everybody does. If I'd read this post not long after my first birth, it would have irritated and upset me, as the things that happened during my son's birth were out of my control. I would have found some of your "tips" a bit patronising I'm afraid :(

Enjoy your newborn snuggles, there's nothing quite like them I'm looking forward to snuggling up with this baby and hoping for a much more positive birth experience this time :)

[OwlCapone]

God there are some miserable fuckers about.

The OP had her baby 2 days ago. She is on a high. Give her a break.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

Congratulations Hannnah. Just be aware you need to preface all of what you said with "For me, this time".

Me, I bloody love gas and air. It is the stuff of the gods.

And as for getting up and about in early labour, yeah, I tried that. 48 hours later all I'd done was exhaust myself more than necessary.

It is very personal, and very variable, even with a straightforward labour.

[squizita]

Oh, absolutely I'm going to continue to do what I know to be medically best/safest. but if you see my post earlier... people do say the vilest things in 'righteous indignation' and it just makes me furious that we have to put up with such ignorance. And they think they're the moral highground.

I do consider it like an 'invisible illness' (in my case, it is one): people think you're fussing over nothing because you look like them.

I'm not even going to need a c section (indeed, it would be complex to give me one due to clotting) but I will need close medical monitoring. Funnily enough every negative comment about medication, hospital Dr-led birth etc' has come from someone in no way medically trained.

[ChicaMomma]

Absolutely Squizita- but it is a persons own insecurities too, and niggling doubts that maybe they are not opting for the best route- those of us/you choosing sections will somehow have to put those insecurities out of your head, and ignore the naysayers. I know i would/will. There is no easy option, or no 100% correct option- it's a personal thing and we should all ignore the various sources of information that say otherwise. All we are trying to do is the best by our babies and hope to give them the best start in life possible.

[vichill]

Gas and air is heavenly if you're one of those it agrees with.

It really took the edge off for me. Always give it a go. If it makes you sick it's out if your system seconds. Save it until you really are struggling though.

[squizita]

Why let it bother you what other people think anyway?

I would usually think this but women can be cruel - unintentionally (or not) and the papers/internet will always blame someone. :(

[ElleDubloo]

Congratulations Hannah! Thanks for such a positive post. I don't think it came across as "this is how it should be for everyone", but it was just your account of something that went well for you, that you're happy about.

I'm planning to ask for an ELCS (don't know if it will be possible or not, as I've practically no risk factors) so I'm not one of those women who want their labour to be as natural as possible. I just want it to proceed quickly and safely. As a student 3 years ago I witnessed a large number of births, including completely natural, ventous, forceps, emergency and elective C-sections. The women went through various amounts of suffering and trauma, but ALL of them were delighted to see their babies and appeared to forget their pain the moment they held their babies in their arms. Except one Chelsea footballer's wife who had an ELCS and then proceeded to update her Facebook still in theatre while the midwives cuddled her twins.

[ChicaMomma]

Peeapod- it's all down to funding- the NHS favour natural as this is the cheapest option for them!! And seriously, be thankful for the NHS- i live in Dublin and our health system is pretty under-resourced, forcing anyone who can at ALL afford it down the private/consultant route (approx 50% of women go private it seems) and costing about 3k. So honestly, the NHS is pretty great in comparison to the rest of the world.

Why let it bother you what other people think anyway? You know that for you, the section is the best option- so dont take a blind bit of notice what everyone else says. I wouldnt! Loads of my friends have chosen elective sections and there is a lot to be said for it- i considered it myself (it's easier to request one of course when you are private) and wouldn't rule it out yet. I couldnt give a f* what anybody else thinks and neither should you. It's your baby, your responsibility.

As for Mary and the stable argument- infant/mother mortality rates were incredibly high 'back then' (whenever that was!!!) but even since the 1950s infant neonatal mortality has reduced 12 fold. I would tend to agree that most labours are probably overly medicalised now, but if that's to the benefit of mortality rates then surely that's a good thing.

[peeapod]

its not the op. though... its the whole bloody nhs. as you seen from my post i am currently going to antenatal classes run in my hospital which are really really hurting me because its making me out to be a weak human for not being able to "cope" with "pain".

Unfortunately its the current attitude that natural is best, which yes, i suppose it is, but when that agenda is being pushed by an NHS intent on saving money they are potentially putting Mums at risk and failing to give them appropiate advice and support over their birth choices.

The problem you have right now is a catch22. Mums who are (like the op) able to have a positive natural birth are going to get attacked by the people who can't for whatever reason and visa versa. It is the way the NHS has set it up, us vs them. Natural vs. medical.

The whole thing is it is a lot more medical than when Mary gave birth in the stable a few thousand years ago. Ironically in order to have a natural birth you need to be proven to be having a normal pregnancy. How is that done? medical intervention...

It is a contentious subject and because the NHS has clearly sided with the natural option it is going to make it seem even worse for those who cant. We do feel attacked from all sides.

thanks for the replies everyone :)