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Pregnancy

Bloody sick of rudeness about size!

58 replies

Hyperhelpmum · 12/09/2013 18:34

Two women I work with (both unhealthily thin verging on skeletal) comment on my bump every time they see me. Stare, comment etc. driving me bloody mad. Latest was 'oh my god you are HUGE ' to which I said in psycho quiet voice 'did. You. Just. Call. Me. Huge. ? ' Next woman said ' gosh you've grown ' to which I responded. 'What since Tuesday?' SO fed up particularly as I am not that big and am a size 8/10 and have put on under a stone at 30+ weeks. Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

OP posts:

Report

Champagnebubble · 14/09/2013 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xenadog · 14/09/2013 10:24

I keep getting called a "Wide load" by someone at work - when I finally replied with "Bugger off or I'll start on you!" she said she was only joking and it was meant affectionately. We had a bit of banter and that was it. No one else has commented on my size and TBH the person who did comment really didn't mean to be horrid and so it's all been OK for me.

People do keep asking if they can touch the bump too and are very complimentary (why?) and I don't mind as they ask.

I think it depends on the individual and how often you are getting comments. All I can say ladies, is try not to take comments too much to heart as often it's people not knowing what to say.

Maybe we could commission a company to make a T-shirt which says "Pregnant, hormonal woman alert. Do NOT comment on the size of her or her bump!"

josiejay · 14/09/2013 10:29

I was measuring small for dates right through my pregnancy but regularly got told I was HUGE and asked was I sure it wasn't twins, told ouch that's going to hurt etc. baby was a perfectly average 7lbs thank you very much and I lost all the baby weight fairly quickly so clearly I wasn't that huge!

I think if you're small framed and/or short it can make your bump appear bigger on comparison to the rest of your body. However there is no excuse for rude comments. And so often from women who've been through it themselves and ought to know better.

SomethingOnce · 14/09/2013 11:27

When you say it's part if the deal that implies people are doing it to be purposely facetious, which I find depressing

I meant what Tarka said: it's pregnancy small talk. I'm not one for small talk but it's just what people do.

Pregnant women are very sensitive (honestly, I do get it - small bump remarks made me worried that DD had problems) but people don't mean anything horrible by it so you either let it drift past you or spend months in a state of perpetual annoyance and anxiety.

You can never know what small talk of your own - pregnancy-related or not - pisses off other people because 99 times out of 100 they won't tell you. You can be fairly certain you're not universally not irritating though.

Romily · 14/09/2013 12:38

I smile every time someone comments on my bump, to me my friends family and colleagues are showing an interest.

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 12:42

ffs does it really matter? some women would love to be pregnant and for it to notice. Count your blessings that you're expecting a baby and not obese

xfilefan · 14/09/2013 12:42

Im 35 weeks, and I dont mind being called Huge- I am Huge :)

vix206 · 14/09/2013 12:48

The people that don't get it have obviously never been on the receiving end of the kind of rudeness I'm annoyed about. I'm not annoyed by well meaning people making comments, it's the turned up nose/horrified expressions/piss taking that I object to.

honeybunny14 · 14/09/2013 12:48

I can really relate to this ppl used to come up to me in the street and gasp looked shocked the most popular one was are u sure ur not having twins one person actualy said r u having a baby elephand like wtf !!! Used to make me so angry bt im bk 2 my normal size now i think some ppl just dont realise how sensitive pregnant women are

vix206 · 14/09/2013 12:57

Ps thanks Something for clarifying. Definitely not talking about harmless small talk though. That's absolutely fine, I'm objecting to something different.

Fetacat · 14/09/2013 12:59

A lady at work told me I was waddling. It took every inch of professionalism in me to not tell her to F off. She really deserved it! The grey haired old hag.

EeyoreIsh · 14/09/2013 13:39

Yes, harmless small talk is fine!

SomethingOnce · 14/09/2013 13:52

Feta, that unpleasant ageist language doesn't reflect well on you, tbh.

SomethingOnce · 14/09/2013 13:57

The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it.

I've met people who are way oversensitive and the things that set them off are completely baffling to impartial observers.

ThePuffyShirt · 14/09/2013 14:04

I make a point of saying only nice things to pregnant women. I remember being really sensitive when pg - some people are thoughtless.

Hyperhelpmum · 14/09/2013 14:17

Those who don't care and think we are over reacting bogoff my big fat thread! It is for women who do mind and we don't care if you don't, again, lucky you. We do care and will therefore discuss it on here! Many thanks OP!

OP posts:

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 14:23

OP I thought an exchange of views was allowed on mumsnet?

SomethingOnce · 14/09/2013 14:25

Can I tell them to F off or will I get the sack/ sectioned for bring mental?

You asked. People responded.

LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 14/09/2013 15:10

"The point I am making about small talk is that one person will receive an innocuous comment as exactly that, and another will be mortally offended - there's no way of predicting it."

So 'hey fatso' is just innocuous small talk? I agree with the OP. Can't we get on with our daily lives without someone commenting on our body shape? A male friend of a friend commented on how big my boobs were the other day. Wasn't appropriate before I was pregnant, not sure why it is now.

Hyperhelpmum · 14/09/2013 16:13

mirry was tongue in cheek saying bog off! Everyone entitled to their view/ has their own experience to bring. We are a thread of moaners I'm afraid! (With just cause may I add! ) ;)

OP posts:

SweetieTime · 14/09/2013 16:26

Even my own DM has started to comment on how "fat" I am. I am growing twins FFS, it is not fat it is 2 little people. It annoys me at work where people feel they have to say anything at all. I wouldn't comment on the size of a male colleagues beer belly so why is it ok for them to comment on the size of my bump?

I think I am very sensitive to the comments as I have never been pregnant before and although prepared for my body to change have been quite surprised by the amount of change in such a relatively short time. It is a hugely emotional time, especially if the pregnancy didn't happen easily as in my case, and I am not sure others really get that.

OP I would try not to be rude to your colleagues but if it is upsetting you try talking them and telling them how it makes you feel especially if you have a long way to go and seeing them regularly.

mirry2 · 14/09/2013 17:02

hyperhelp - sorry I had a humour bypass

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CruCru · 14/09/2013 19:58

I am 36+4. I now have van drivers making comments. On Thursday an ambulance driver shouted something at me out his window (I was walking out of the maternity wing)

vix206 · 15/09/2013 07:33

Went out with friends last night who I haven't seen for 3 months. All of them were so lovely about my bump, really highlighted for me that there are a lot of nice things you can say with just a little forethought

middleclassdystopia · 15/09/2013 15:31

In my opinion this is all part of the body image obsessed, sexist and infantalising attitude to women.

The so called desirable and acceptable shape is slim everywhere with a nice neat bump. But not too small that you don't seem motherly. A 'big' bump is flaunting and threatening to some.

It really angers me and those who are dismissing response as over sensitive are way off the mark.

Babies are different sizes, fluid volume varies, women are different heights and builds. Yet here is another way to control women by creating a monotype.

I wouldn't hesitate to respond. Unless it is genuine comment about baby growing, which should make someone glad not shocked or rude.

Trust your instinct

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