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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Elective c section

37 replies

SammyFirstBaby · 23/04/2013 08:44

When do they do it from?
I'm in so much pain from this pregnancy and I don't think they'll induce me, and to top it of my partner has to leave for 3 week at the end of this week for a family funeral. He's going to try and stay not as lob but will be away for due date. Eh

OP posts:

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SammyFirstBaby · 23/04/2013 20:19

IT'S HIS RELIGION

OP posts:

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BabyHMummy · 23/04/2013 20:25

I doubt her husband WANTS to abandon his wife and child but there are religions were death takes precedent over everything else. She is asking for info on whether or not she ia likely to be given an elcs not for your opinions on her marriage.

He clearly has no choice.

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flowery · 23/04/2013 20:47

I don't think it's at all clear he has no choice. All we know is that he's going regardless of the situation the OP is in.

Unless he is being taken there at gun point he does have a choice, and is choosing to prioritise this particular religious custom over the OPs well being. Whether or not she is happy with his choices is between her and her DP, obviously. But she doesn't sound happy. She sounds very worried and concerned.

If he is going to make this choice he needs to be making arrangements to ensure the OP has enough support in his absence, such as paying for a doula. It doesn't sound as though he's doing that tbh, so I will judge him.

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BabyHMummy · 23/04/2013 21:03

flowery you have no right to judge him. You do not know the circumstances or what religion or who the relative is. The op asks for info on whether she could get elective c section not for you to pass judgement.

Sammy has explained its his religion and she obv is upset but is aware he has to go

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YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad · 23/04/2013 21:12

OP if you were on your deathbed would your husband still be required to go away? I know it's not the same of course, but giving birth is a major experience, surely his family will understand?

You will probably not be granted an elective c section for reasons of convenience. That's why posters on this thread are asking about alternative solutions.

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givemeaclue · 23/04/2013 22:33

3 Weeks?

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flowery · 23/04/2013 23:02

Not sure what difference knowing the religion or relative would make in terms of whether I have a "right" to judge. Neither would change my opinion, certainly.

Sammy what your partner is doing would not be acceptable to me at all, but obviously it's between you and him, and I hope and assume you were aware of his priorities already and that his decision is not a surprise to you.

As I said earlier, I would judge your partner very much less if he were actively sorting this out for you, and taking all possible steps to ensure you will be fully supported at this crucial time, including arranging and paying for a doula, which I think is the least he could do tbh.

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Aoifebelle · 23/04/2013 23:06

This is a tough one Sammy. I do think you need to prepare yourself for not being offered an ECS. Like many of the contributors on here, the NHS is unlikely to view your husband's religious committments as a valid reason for you to have major surgery.
If your husband does need to be away for such a long time, you will need to make plans for what happens if you have to labour and give birth without him there. Being on your own is not really a good option. You said your mum is helping after the birth, could she be there for the labour? Do you have any close friends/relatives who could be birthing partners? If not paying a doula may be the only option if you have the funds.

I understand why you feel judged by some of the comments on here. To put this into context. If I went into labour on the day of my partner's mother's funeral - I would expect him to be with me - no questions. Your husband's religion demands other priorities but for me this is really difficult to understand. I hope this helps explain some of the comments.

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Monka · 24/04/2013 13:30

If you want a c section could you afford to pay for one privately? I believe that women should have their choice of birth taken into account but the NHS will push for a vb. my poor cousin had an emergency c section last night only after her husband insisted as she has been in labour for almost 3 days and wasn't progressing any further. This is just to illustrate how hard it is to get an elective c section on the NHS on non medical grounds.

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ExpatAl · 24/04/2013 13:49

Sammy most religions have some leeway for familial obligations/needs. Perhaps your dh needs to look into that.
It's a tough one though. Do you have no member of family that can be with you?

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BabyHMummy · 25/04/2013 10:10

How are you doing sammy

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coorong · 25/04/2013 12:59

Sammy I'm really sorry you're in this position. Is there a religious authority who can advise your husband on this matter. I'm sure you can reach a compromise. In some religious, life is more important that death. I really worry about your health if left alone at this time.

Doctors make decisions on clinical concerns first and foremost. There is no way they would compromise your health for sake of convenience.