18+4 and no heartbeat with doppler- please tell me what to do :-(

[jkb]

Hi

I am 18+4 and have a doppler & have been finding the heartbeat within seconds since i was about 12 weeks. I have been having problems & so i always doppler twice a day (I have a huge clot in my womb which has caused 2 massive bleeds- last one at 16 weeks). The heart was fine this morning- now this even- despite me trying for over 1 hour- NOTHING- i am very skilled at using a doppler as was shown by a previous midwife. Could my baby have died- i cant sleep now- i dont know what to do :-(

[aimingtobeaperfectionist]

How are you doing? There's always someone here if you need to talk.

[jkb]

Thank you everyone for all your kindness xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rainand]

Really sorry for your loss :(

[chubbychipmonk]

So sorry for your loss. . . Don't have anything else to add other than we're all thinking of you x

[PinkFondantFancy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Little Matthew sounds like he was beautiful, I'm glad you were able to spend some time with him. Thinking of you both this evening x

[hellymelly]

I'm glad you were able to spend time with your beautiful baby boy. I've been thinking of you. I hope the placenta has resolved, a friend had retained placenta and did have to go back in for a d+c, but it was about a week-10 days after she had given birth.
I'm sure your friends and family wouldn't expect you to do anything other than cry right now, what else could you do? they will understand. Be kind to yourself, cry all you like, I hope you are surrounded by love.

[Iceaddict]

Really sorry for you and your family op, thinking of you

[looneytune]

I've just read this and wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. RIP baby Matthew, I'm pleased you were able to spend time with him, I feel that is really important. Thinking of you x

[pinkyp]

So so sorry for your loss

[amazingmumof6]

I'm so sorry for loosing Matthew, I've been thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.

allow yourselves to grieve however long it takes.

cry, scream if you need to. cuddle your kids and hubby

talk about it and keep talking about it

write a diary

keep whatever he wore or was wrapped in near you

remember to explain to kids you are not mad at them (my kids used to get worried, they thought they did something wrong)

in fact what helped me most was answering any questions my children had and talking to them.
even if it broke my heart the sweetest thing they said was that they missed her and wished she could be here playing with them

the hardest thing apart from right now will be the first "anniversary" of everything that's just happened/will be happening.
and I know you can't imagine it now, but there will be a time when you will be able to think of him without crying

I hope you find these thoughts comforting in some level

[mosschops30]

Im so sorry for your loss i dont have any words that could even hope to ease your pain

[lotsofcheese]

Oh my darling - I'm so sorry. What a beautiful name for your little boy. Fly high, little one.

I wish I had more adequate words for you; all I can say is please take care of yourself, allow others to help & grieve for your beautiful baby boy xxxx

[Dillydollydaydream]

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful little one, Matthew. Take care x

[lunar1]

I am sat sobbing reading your update, I can't think of any words, I am just so sorry for the loss of Matthew.

[Bluestocking]

So glad your husband and mother are taking good care of you and the family. You don't have to talk to anyone until you're ready, and you can cry as much as you want to. Lots of love to you and dear baby Matthew.

[something2say]

Hello my dear, just wanted to come on to see how you were and having seen, to give you a long cuddle on my metaphorical knee. I think crying is ok for now, and that's it. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxx

[jkb]

my husband is being amazing & is also so very sad.... my mother is helping out with my other children. But i just dont want to talk to my friends & sisters...i feel there is nothing to say- if I talk I just blub & I have no words to say. xxxxx

[Bluestocking]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I'm so glad you were able to give baby Matthew some motherly love, I'm sure he was beautiful in every way. Do you have people around you to take care of you and give you some love? Thinking of you. xx

[Moominsarescary]

I'm so sorry, were 14 months on from loosing Jacob. I found the time up to what should have been his due date especially bad. It was only when we got past that date that I turned a corner and things started to get easier.I found talking about him, even if it was just on here to people who had gone through similar experiances helped.

If you start a thread in bereavement there are usually lots of people around to offer support. I found it very difficult talking to friends nd family about how I was feeling.

I don't know what you should do about the retained placenta, hopefully it will come away on it's own, however I think it was extremly negligent of them to not have made sure it was intact. If it doesn't make an appointment with your consultant. They should offer you one anyway. I saw mine for my post natal so we could talk through what would happen if I decided to become pregnant in the future.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I will be thinking of you, your family and baby Matthew xx

[fraktion]

RIP baby Matthew. I'm glad you got to see him and spend time with him.

[Rosa]

jkb - so very sorry for you . How ever I wanted to say that I also had a retained placenta and I was given some drops to help me contract and eliminate - however they also did a 'gentle' so they said d&C 3 days after I gave birth. Howver I am in a different country. I wish I could remember the name of teh drops I was also given them afterwards and they did work ....

[jkb]

Thank you for all your support. I am a complete mess- i dont know hw I am going to get through this- it scares me that I will never feel anything but this again.
My beautiful little angel Matthew was born Thursday at 2pm weighing 170g & 15.5cm crown to rump. He was perfect- fully formed- even had finger nails.

Its the worst thing I have ever had to deal with & im scared i wont cope. I held him for 5 hours, i touched & kissed every little part of him & took so many pictures. Saying goodbye was hardest thing ever- I want him so bad.
I havent stopped crying for days, I am trying to stay strong for my other chidren, but I just cant....what the hell am i going to do

Yesterday I had something hanging out of me.... i went back & i have some plancenta retained! they managed to get some of the retained bits out from my cervix- but said they can see more up inside & too dangerous to do a D & C or go up in my womb as I have just given birth & my womb can be easily damanged as will be very fragile? I am on 2 strong antibiotics & they hope I will pass the bits.....but they didnt seem to know what else to do?
but what if I dont?? my husband is so worried im going to be left infertile or need a D & C which could cause my future problems with a pregnancy? Im a complete mess- physically & mentally

[lunar1]

still thinking of you.

[something2say]

Caught this while browsing. So very sorry jkb. Thinking of you and shed a little tear x

[amazingmumof6]

I've just picked this up - I'm so sorry you have to go through this, my heart goes out to you. Loosing a child at any age is just the worst thing...