Really starting to panic

[unicornglittersprinkles]

Youngest DD who has just turned 4 and will start school in September is still not reliably potty trained. And we’re not talking the odd accident, this is at least one per day.

We started training her at 2.5 and she seemed totally ready. She very quickly seemed to get the hang of it in terms of taking herself off and doing most wees and poos in the toilet but has never got to a stage of being completely continent. We’ve had the odd successful week here and there but she always reverts back to accidents. We’ve tried reward charts, getting her to clean up, have spoken to the health visitor, ERIC and the gp and are still no further forward.

Both ERIC and the gp suggested there might be an issue with constipation but the gp wouldn’t prescribe more than 1 sachet of laxitives a day and only for 2 months. He did make a referral for us but that was 2 months ago and we’ve just had a letter saying that the wait time is 12 months +

So what am I supposed to do? I’m devastated that my otherwise bright and happy child will probably have daily accidents at school. Plus, rightly or wrongly, completely mortified at the thought of having to explain the situation to the school. I don’t feel as though this is just a case of ‘she’ll get there eventually’ and I feel as though I’ve exhausted all avenues.

Please someone give me some hope or advice as to where we go from here and how we handle school.

[frenchnoodle]

Keep at it, the school will understand and support you. This isn't an unusual situation.

Most of all don't panic and stress out, that will make the situation worse it all needs to be relaxed.

[pjani]

Could you afford to pay privately for help? If it’s to get a prescription for help with constipation maybe a private GP would prescribe rather than needing to pay for a specialist?

You could also try and get a second opinion from within the GP practice or make a complaint if you think it’s justified? Has the medication helped?

[BabyBunnyMama]

Oh my DD is 4, just started school in September and still has the odd accident at home and often 'leaks' but manages to make it before a full on accident at school. I've found with her it's a case of not wanting to stop what she is doing to go incase she misses something/is having too much fun. She was the same as your DD and potty trained at 2.5 and all went well until my DS was born and she had a regression.

Definitely don't worry about telling the school! They are there to support. I also found school great for structured toilet breaks like at snack time and lunch etc so children are less likely to have full to burst bladders before they stop and go.

It's so frustrating when you've tried everything and still can't seem to stop the accidents but she will get there and I promise it is way more common than you would think at that age!

[boredybored]

You have a whole summer before school . They can change so much in a few months let alone 7!

Try not to panic , my son went through the whole of reception in nappies ( he has SN ) and whilst it's not ideal he wasn't the only one having toileting accidents .

[pjani]

I agree accidents are common in reception but the school may find it hard to meet the needs of a child having more than one every single day…

[unicornglittersprinkles]

@pjani

I agree accidents are common in reception but the school may find it hard to meet the needs of a child having more than one every single day…

Yes, I understand that which is why I’m panicking. Believe me I’m ashamed to say that I would have been the first to judge parents in this situation before being in it myself. This is absolutely not through lack of trying (and I’ll add I successfully potty trained my two older children) so your comment isn’t particularly helpful

[unicornglittersprinkles]

@pjani

Could you afford to pay privately for help? If it’s to get a prescription for help with constipation maybe a private GP would prescribe rather than needing to pay for a specialist?

You could also try and get a second opinion from within the GP practice or make a complaint if you think it’s justified? Has the medication helped?

So we absolutely couldn’t afford the full cost of private but I do have bupa trough my work and it’s an avenue we’ve explored. The problem is that we got a referral and then the consultant went on long term sick (referral was in October). I’ve called but back but the next nearest option they’d cover is nearly 2 hours away. May be our only option though

[frenchnoodle]

Please try not to worry, the school will have seen this before. They will be supportive. Reception is still early years. The worst thing you can do is panic and make it a battle of wills.

[pjani]

@unicornglittersprinkles

Yes, I understand that which is why I’m panicking. Believe me I’m ashamed to say that I would have been the first to judge parents in this situation before being in it myself. This is absolutely not through lack of trying (and I’ll add I successfully potty trained my two older children) so your comment isn’t particularly helpful

Oh I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to be unhelpful at all. I was responding to the other posters who were suggesting just waiting to see what happens. I was more thinking if you’ve had something medical suggested but not supported by your GP, trying to find alternative ways.

2h away sounds tough!

Potty training is really hard. Sorry I don’t have any more suggestions. Just wish you luck.

[boredybored]

You can buy movicol though can't you?
If she has a blockage it will be seeping through and she won't be able to control this .

Honestly though I'm sure it will come good by September. My son just suddenly got it and I tried sooo hard to get him toilet trained .

[unicornglittersprinkles]

@boredybored

You can buy movicol though can't you?
If she has a blockage it will be seeping through and she won't be able to control this .

Honestly though I'm sure it will come good by September. My son just suddenly got it and I tried sooo hard to get him toilet trained .

I believe you can buy laxitives over the counter but, my understanding is that, if she has this constipation issue, then she will need a higher than recommended dose for the initial period before dropping to a maintenance dose. All medication has side effects so I’d rather not self diagnose, particularly when it would mean giving more than advised.

[unicornglittersprinkles]

I’ve now managed to get the health visitor to book us in for a stage 1 continence assessment. Apparently they do this, give tips for 6 weeks and then you move onto stage 2 if there’s still no improvement after this time.

I’ll be honest, I’m not hopeful (I’m completely demoralised and have lost all optimism) but at the very least it gets something on record so we have some evidence for the school that it’s not just lazy parenting

[changefromhr]

What's her diet like op? Does she have fruit shoots and things like that? Common sweeteners in things like children's drinks can be really irritating for the bladder.
Does she get enough fibre from her diet?

[MotherofChaosandDestruction]

My DC has accidents until year 1. I explained to the school (they were on meds for a little while which they also administered) and they were great. Helped change, clean etc.

We went private but unfortunately nothing they could really do other than the meds which didn't really help. It just took time.

The school assured me we weren't the only ones and there were so many children with the same issues, please don't be embarrassed.

[unicornglittersprinkles]

@changefromhr

What's her diet like op? Does she have fruit shoots and things like that? Common sweeteners in things like children's drinks can be really irritating for the bladder.
Does she get enough fibre from her diet?

1 small cup fresh apple juice with breakfast and then nothing but water for the rest of the day. Eats home cooked food with the rest of the family containing plenty of fruit and veg. So I don’t think it’s a diet issue

[unicornglittersprinkles]

Today has been awful. 3 accidents so far this morning 😥

[boredybored]

Movicol is not a laxative . It's a stool softener to stop impacting when they withhold poo and that's when it seeps out with accidents .
She needs to check for impaction first then be given movicol regularly

[changefromhr]

Is she constipated though? What's her bowel habit?