10 year old consistently pooing his pants (on purpose?)

[livalittle1234]

Hello everyone,

Apologies if this is in the wrong section, it's not exactly potty training but it's related and I didn't know where else it should go.

I've come here to ask for advice because I am at my absolute wits end with my 10 y.o. son. For the past 6 months, he has been having at least one poo accident in his pants per week but over the last month it has gotten even worse, to the point where it is now literally every day. I don't mean that he's not wiping or doing a little bit in his pants before getting to the toilet, I mean he is doing his whole poos in his pants.

We have been to the doctors numerous times and there is nothing wrong physically, he's also been checked for anything mental and there's nothing wrong. I have no idea why this has been happening. There's no problems at school and nothing that has happened that could've triggered this.

When he has an accident, he won't tell me and will just continue doing whatever he is doing until I force him to change and shower. It is often the same time every day so I have tried to force him to go to the toilet at that time but he will just hold it in and refuse to poo on the toilet and then a few minutes later I will smell that he's had an accident. I feel like he is 3 years old again!!!

It's not just at home though, he has come home from school in pooey pants many times and there's been occasions where these accidents have happened out in town and other places including at a friends' wedding!

I call them accidents but it's likely that he's doing it on purpose. Last week, at the dentist after school (he hates the dentist), I went to get a drink, only to come back to find him in the corner of the waiting room, clearly in the middle of pooing his pants. I was absolutely furious on this occasion as it was clear that he was simply trying to get out of seeing the dentist. I rushed him to the toilet but the damage was already done. Thankfully, I now carry baby wipes and spare pants with me so I was able to clean him up and we didn't miss the appointment, much to his disappointment.

I just don't know what to do or why he is doing this. I still expect accidents from him because he has always had a few here and there but when it's every week and now every day, I find it very hard to believe they are all accidents.

I have tried ignoring it and not making a big deal, I have tried making a big deal and making it clear how angry/upset I am with his behaviour. I have tried positive reinforcement and giving him rewards for when he does manage to have an "accident-free day" (but the last time this happened was almost a month ago), even though I don't think it should really be necessary to reward a 10 year old for not pooing himself...

I have tried consequences, grounding him or taking away toys/tv and computer privileges but absolutely nothing seems to work. I have no idea what to do.

I have even thought about putting him back into pull-ups at the weekends and/or after school (Drynites would fit him, although I know they're supposed to be for night time use, there's no reason they couldn't be used during the day) and following "If you're going to act like a baby, I'll treat you like one" by doing nappy checks etc. in the hope he would find it embarrassing and snap out of this.

He's a great kid, happy, has lots of friends, is clever and on the whole well behaved but this one problem is a rather big one and I really need to find a solution ASAP, mostly for his own sake.

Thank you all in advance for any advice and suggestions you have!

[Mummyshark2018]

A ten year old doing this, especially in different environments is worrying, in particular if he was clean beforehand. I would want to establish:
-when it started
-where it happens
-what has he eaten beforehand
-what's happening around him
-who is he with
-what happens afterwards
You could start a diary to try to work out the above questions. This would be helpful information for any professional.

I would want to rule out, in this order:
-a physical toileting difficulty like IBS, constipation, incontinence
-special educational needs- speak to senco

• a sensory need/ difficulty
• an anxiety issue
• attention needs
• has he had an event which may have been traumatic?