Please help....3.5yrold ds still potty training a year on!

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

I need some advice before I lose the will to live. Have been potty training since last March with my ds who was 2 yrs 8 months (he's now 3yr 5months) . He was starting to show signs of being ready before this but I held off until he was pretty much putting himself on the potty.
First week went great no accidents at all (seemed too good to be true)....then gradually once the novelty had worn off, he started to have accidents.
Fast forward to now, he started nursery two weeks ago and still will not use the potty unless told to. Will just hold it in and do little patches in his pants (which gradually get bigger unless he's forced to use the potty).
The reason for this is complete and utter laziness. He knows exactly how to pull his trousers and pants up and down. He knows he needs to go. He purposely ignores it and it's driving me mental.
We have now hit a patch where he is back to having accidents constantly and I'm going through clothes like in the beginning. I know he's capable as he stays dry outside the house and if he's not wearing anything he will use the potty completely reliably.
I've tried sticker and rewards, I've tried reasoning and explaining, ignoring the bad praising the good and I'm ashamed to say I've told him off this week and punished him as I'm at my wits end.
Has anyone ever been through the same? Is a year a reasonable amount of time to take and still be getting nowhere? Is it a boy thing? What can I do from here? I can't bear this at the moment especially with a 3 month old too

[Dangermouse1]

Thanks for the update - didn't realise how old the thread was when I posted first. It's really encouraging to hear you've cracked it, especially as DS had several accidents at home with DH today (at least it's not just me!). One question - did you keep reminding to use the potty or just leave him to it in the end? I'm not sure of the best approach - DS gets annoyed by being reminded and often insists doesn't need to go, but if I don't remind him he makes no effort at all. Can't decide whether to leave him to have accidents and hope he eventually sorts it out?

[SnookyWookyWooWoo]

I can totally sympathise...it's been hell it really has.
My ds actually had a little accident this evening after all this time. hoping it's just because he was majorly tired. Its been a long time now.
Anyway, I tried lots of different things with him. I tried asking him, to which he would almost always say he didn't need to go. Then I tried leaving him to it. He just would hold it all day letting our little patches of wee until he would have to go and by then he'd be soaked. Then in the end more recently I just stopped pleading and just started saying it's time to use the potty and made him go. Although I'm not really sure if that was what made it fall into place.
My ds sounds exactly the same as yours. They really are little monkeys.
I suppose the thing that helped most was that I made a big deal about getting him dressed and clean after an accident. He started to not want me to come upstairs with him and he wanted to dress himself then he had a day where he was dry and I went nuts praising him. I reckon it's one of those things that will sort itself but you just never know when.
Hope it gets better soon. Maybe try leaving pants and trousers off for a while just to save your washing constantly more than anything

[Dangermouse1]

Thanks Snooky, much improved here in the last few days. We've been making him change himself completely independently after accidents. Also insisting on sitting on the potty/toilet at regular intervals even if he says he doesn't need to go (always does!). And focusing on keeping calm during accidents and praising when he does well (which I thought I was already doing but to be honest think I was getting a bit frustrated and it showed). Another thing that has helped here is ensuring that as far as possible he doesn't miss anything if he needs to go (e.g. pausing story tapes if mid way through, promising we will finish activities afterwards or else timing them so he goes to the potty before starting anything new). Thanks everyone for the tips, I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel now!

[Shan95Arty]

Hi, I know this is such an old thread but I honestly could have written this very post myself all the way over here in 2023. Been potty training my son for a year, he is now nearly 4! I assume you resolved it... please tell me how?! 😫 or just any words of assurance that he won't still be weeing himself in 5 years time 🤦‍♀️

[Lost006]

Did you get it sorted @Shan95Arty ? I'm in the same boat. 16 months of trying so far and really at the end of the line so glad there are a few tips on this thread to try out!

[Shan95Arty]

@Lost006 I wish I could say yes but unfortunately not. I feel like it's improving though. He's not having any dribbles at preschool, only at home. He still doesn't seem to notice if he's dribbled though, it's only when we tell him that he realises.

We have been making himself get changed when it happens and just prompting him to go more often. I'd say it's about 50/50 at the moment whether he can realise he needs a wee before it dribbles out!

[Lost006]

@Shan95Arty Oh bless you, it's so frustrating isn't it. I've had enough now I miss nappies haha