Is there a September 2013 group yet?

[Gingerandlemon]

Just that really! I gave birth two weeks ago on 1st September and am so ready to start asking everyone if they're going through the same stuff as me!!

[JethroTull]

Joskar I could have written your post over the weekend. IVF baby, c-section birth & to top it all off miniJethro refuses to latch. I've tried tried tried for 14 days. I've expressed for 14 days. I went to see the BF counsellor, numerous hideous Midwives have grappled with my boobs. I gave in. For me, my mental health & my baby's well being outweighed my longing to do 'something natural' & BF. it is THE hardest thing I've ever tried to do. You have my utmost admiration for sticking with it. Have you set yourself a cut off date?

[Joskar]

Thanks for the bath suggestion. We've tried that. Babies are pretty slippery when wet but mostly it was the screaming that made me think it was a no go! It was nice at first but the logistics are complicated.

Jethro That's a good decision. It's incredibly difficult and I think you've done really well to take it. It may come to that for us too but we've hired the pump for another 10 days so I suppose I'll go for at least that long.

I know it sounds foolish but I really feel like I need the breastfeeding to help me get over the c-section. It was all so dreadful. Totally unexpected and completely preventable had I had competent care. One minute she was a bump in me and I was pushing her out without pain relief and then she wasn't and it was all frightening. I feel so disconnected from the whole thing. It was 15 mins before I got to see her and 45 before I got to hold her and I just feel a wee bit like she isn't really mine. I feel like I'm just looking after her til her real mummy gets here. When I bottle feed her I feel like I could be anyone whereas on the rare occasions she lets me breastfeed her I actually start to feel like I might really be her mother. I feel proud and happy. When I bottle feed I feel completely inadequate.

[Rollermum]

Joskar - just wanted toads that I understand about feeling disassociated from your baby. I had a long, difficult unexpectedly instrumental induction / delivery and have found it hard to mentally regroup and think it has affected how I feel as a Mum. I really hope your perseverance after such a difficult time pays off.

Fl0b0t - I couldn't find same app for iPhone. Downloaded Eat Sleep for for which is ok but slightly counterintuitive.

I've got my FIL staying. He didn't ask how I was, how the baby was, and did a 20 minute rambling monologue about how tired he was. I had just been in the bedroom crying from lack of sleep but managed not to punch him. Ugh.

[Mooster1709]

Oh joskar poor you. Are you managing to get any sleep? Everything feels so much worse if not. I am bf and had a pretty straight ford birth but I still sometimes feel like I'm looking after DD for someone else (having been up since 3.30 with her I'm currently wishing the 'someone else' would come and rescue me!). I say this because I think it's pretty normal and that maybe you shouldn't be putting so much pressure on yourself. How old is your LO? Are you getting out much?

[kipsonline]

Joskar I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wishing a much better day your way. Everything you are feeling is completely normal given the crappy time you've been having (on top of an unusually crappy pregnancy). Have you got a decent friends/ family support network? The only other piece of advice my friend in a similar situation a few years ago found helpful, although incredibly hard, was to treat each day as a new day, without the painful associations from the day before, so that starting each day stress and guilt free there was a wonderful possibility it might all finally come together. And not to beat yourself up if it doesn't (again incredibly hard). [huge virtual hugs]

[Batbear]

Joskar - sending hugs from here too. Sounds like you had a horrible start with your birth too. It is very tough and you have done so well expressing and working so hard at the feeding.

I remember with DS1 that I didn't feel like he was really mine and instead it was more of a hard job that you didn't get a break from. It took weeks to feel that maternal bond properly.

Try and be as kind to yourself as you can - in the end you have to go with what makes you feel sanest. Motherhood has lots of guilt that comes with it - we all feel that way sometimes.

[PurplePoppySeed]

Oh joskar, just to echo what everyone else has said, it's a tough time for all new mums, made worse for you by a horrible birth experience. You're doing amazingly to persevere, especially without being able to get out etc.

With my DD, she gets herself soo tired and then so worked up she will not go anywhere near my boob - actively pushing it away. It's so upsetting when you know they're hungry as well.

I keep saying to myself it only gets better, but DD has a cold so the last week has been much harder than the first 2! But it's true. It will get better and in a few months time (or maybe a little longer) this stage (and birth) will start to feel like a distant memory & our little ones will be giving us something back

[Redbird12]

Just wanted to add my support as well. DS now 18 days old, born via EMCS. Lost 12% of weight by Day 3 which made me realise he wasnt latching and feeding properly. Midwife told me if i didnt top up with formula he would be taken back to hospital. Ordered an electric breast feed and stated mixing expressing with formula as baby was screaming with hunger but fighting every time i tried to put him to the breast. Had various midwives and breastfeeding experts round, incl from hospital and NCT, found he would suck a bit with a nipple shield but still wouldnt latch.

Eventually we paid to see a private lactation consultant a few days ago who diagnosed posterior tongue tie and snipped it. He fed immediately from the breast afterwards but has since continued to resist. He will suck a bit for comfort but seems to resist latching on, i dont know now if he has got to used to the bottle teat. Not been able to express very often due to him wanting to be held all the time so my milk is now drying up and i think we will shortly be switching to just formula.

I think i will actually feel better once we have just made the decision to switch, i hate seeing him working himself up into such a state trying to latch on and from a selfish point of view, it will make my life easier than trying to juggle bottle feeding with all the cleaning and sterilising along with expressing, trying to breast feed and holding the baby all the time. DH is self employed and runs his own business so hasnt been able to take much paternity leave and due to Emcs, i am unable to drive and get out to any support groups so feel like i just need to do whatever i can now to keep me sane and baby fed.

[fl0b0t]

redbird that sounds crappy too. :(

I've had a hard night (banished dh to spare room as he had a cold and I don't want it! ) and then a hard day too.Baby up for a feed at one am then grizzled on and off until 5 when I gave up and let him sleepb in the bed with me til seven. He then grizzled again until almost two pm. Then slept in the sling for an hour or so and had grizzled all afternoon so far. Feeding on and off for between 3 mins to 50 mins!

Left him to scream in the bouncy chair so I could chuck some food in the slow cooker for later. Now he is feeding again! !!!

[JethroTull]

Sorry to everyone having shitty days. Redbird, sounds like you've really been through the mill too. I'm in a similar position in that now I've made the decision to switch to FF I'd just like my milk to dry up - reducing expressing has just made boobs v painful & huge.

Anyone got any strategy for keeping baby awake more in the day so they sleep at night?? Another sleepless night fills me with dread....

[fl0b0t]

Jethro I believe current theory is that keeping babies up during the day doesn't assist with sleeping at night? 'sleep breeds sleep' etc?baby has been awake for most the day (since 1 am he has had about 4 hrs sleep) so we'll see what happens tonight. ..!

Anyone getting annoyed with their hormones?
I've never had great skin but it's gone haywire the last two weeks. I look awful which is not what I need right now :(

[Mooster1709]

Well, I am having a second horrible night in a row. Every bloody time try to put DD into her Moses basket after a feed she screams. She will only sleep with me holding her and I am knackered. Last night she was ok until 3.30 but I was up for the rest of the night after that, and so far have been up since 1.30 tonight. Arrrgh.

And yes to the skin. Mine got so much better while I was pregnancy but seems to have reverted to it's old crapness again now. with the added treat of hyperpigmentation...

[Rollermum]

Hey Mooster - that sounds very hard, hope you get her down in the end. My DD seems to have missed her longer sleep tonight but I have had some sleep so shouldn't complain!

Anyone else struggling to sleep once they have the chance? I am exhausted but even when DD is asleep (or with someone else) I can't relax. It's partly because I am waiting for her to cry, and partly because my brain keeps rehash

[Rollermum]

Sorry - posted too soon...

...and partly because rehashing what happened in hospital. Including nightmares once I am asleep. Not fun.

And on skin - yes, mine is terrible too - really rough!

[WaggyBlueElf]

My skin's the opposite - dreadful while pregnant, but cleared up the day I gave birth. I was thinking / dreading it not going til I was done breastfeeding. Bizarre what hormones can do to you.

Sorry to everyone struggling to breastfeed. I'm in the same boat. He'll latch but then gets too impatient to suck. He'll now go on occasionally with a nipple shield but I'm expressing all his feeds and giving it to him in a bottle (which I know reduces the chance of him taking anything from me even further. Hey ho.) It's faffy but I'm resigned to it now. The trouble's going to come when I want to go out for longer than a couple of hours with him - having to find somewhere to express, looking after him while I'm doing it if I'm on my own etc. Would it be wrong to just stay in for the next 5 months?!

Speaking of which, has anyone gone visiting anyone overnight yet? We're visiting DP's friends and his parents in a few weeks and I'm really daunted by it. I think it's a combination of having to remember so much stuff ( and fitting it all in the car!) and being in a strange place for night feeds and expressing. Both households are lovely though, and his friends have a toddler so babies aren't completely alien to them. I am going to my parents for a weekend before then (much more familiar place, not as far and for not as long) so at least I'm getting some practice in - and that will give me some idea what I'm likely to forget! I'm being ridiculous aren't I.

Sorry, just realised how long and rambling that was - I blame the lack of sleep!

[Frenchgin]

Sorry if this has already been mentioned (I'm too tired to focus properly!) but for everyone struggling with breastfeeding have you checked your baby isn't tongue tied? My DS was not the best feeder & I had him checked by a lactation consultant this week. Turned out he had 50% tongue tie. Can't say its a miracle fix yet as only 2 days since cut but for those who are struggling and want to continue might be worth checking out?

Sending ((hugs)) to everyone who's struggling its so so tough. Xx

[WaggyBlueElf]

Thanks Frenchgin. DS did have a slight tongue tie but it was sorted before we left hospital. Doesn't seem to have made much difference unfortunately.

[Frenchgin]

They can regrow apparently could this be the case?

In other news I'm very proud of myself when DH said this morning "I'm tired I lay awake for an hour last night" I managed an indulgent smile & didn't strangle him!!! Oh to only be awake 1 hour of the night

[Gerty1002]

New to this thread... was on August antenatal thread but DS was 11 days late bringing us to 11 Sept and his weight to 10lb4oz!

Having a rough time at moment, had to give up BF after 5 days due to inverted nipple agony amd now having trouble with FF.

DS was getting terrible painful wind, which I think was caused by him being between teat sizes - size one was too small and he kept flattening it and he was getting it too fast from size two. switched to comfort milk on advice from HV which helped with how he fed as milk is thicker, allowing him to feed from size 2 quite well.

Problem is now he has been doing around 10 poos a day, some of which are pretty explosive and also full of mucus. He's crying in pain a lot until he poos... been awake since 2am with him.

No idea where to go from here, still waiting on call back from HV from leaving a message this morn. Don't want to keep switching formula but I'm at a loss.

Any advice much appreciated.

[fl0b0t]

wow gerty that's a whopper! :)
frenchgin you did well. My DH is really sensitive about not saying things like that thankfully. Having said that, he's got a cold and had the spare room last night so slept 10pm til 7:30am. He's kindly working at home today to giveme a hand, but he's feeling so crappy he's gone back to bed! Baby has only slept twice properly since 1am- in the buggy when I walked 3 mile round trip to town to open his bank account and now- in the sling (refused to sleep in moses basket/ anywhere except attached to me in the sling). So I'm running on fumes and DH is blissfully unaware and snoozing. Having said that I do NOT want his cold! So he can stay away!

[Wincher]

Waggyblueelf we stayed with friends last sat night, ds2's first ever night away from home as he was a home birth! The car was pretty rammed... he slept in the carrycor bit of his pram which was fine. We all slept in together with ds1 and I was worried ds2 would wake him, but he didn't. We're going away this weekend and the one after, too! But in both the places we're going ds1 will have his own room.

The stuff you need to take gets worse once they need a travel cot, high chair, toys etc...

[Lexilicious]

Hello all! Just checking in briefly, back later with some chat and will read the thread properly too. I was 'Rake...' on the previous thread btw.
DD (8 Sept, home birth, hosp transfer with dodgy 3rd stage blood loss) is lovely, snoozing on my chest just now while DH deals with a roast beef dinner. Older brother started in Reception year when she was a week old and is very helpful and unfussed about it all. Bf-ing going very well, sleeping is so-so.

[juniper9]

Flo- which bank did you go with? DD received a cheque in her name, which means I need to open an account for her. She doesn't have a birth certificate yet, though!

[Joskar]

Tales of a Wannabe Breast Feeder

A Much Better Day

Didn't need to give formula until 5.30 today. 12 hours of bfing! Hurrah! Also without nipple shields. I'm not thinking this is the end of our troubles but it's encouraging. Very proud of DD.

Frenchgin Def no tongue tie. Two of my friends struggled to bf because of that so I was well warned.

redbird My DH is also self employed. I worry when he doesn't go to work to help me because if he doesn't work he doesn't earn. This month is my last good wage. We're very much in the same boat, eh?! Eeek! My sister in law had to ff after a total bf/pnd nightmare. She sent me a really useful email that made me feel so much better. She pointed out that it's formula not poison and we are fortunate to live in a country with clean water so really it's not that big a deal. Breast is only best when it's best for everyone. If it's causing you to lose your sanity then go with the formula.

Everyone's support has been really important to me. I felt so despairing the other day and your messages made me feel so much better. Thank you all so much.

[juniper9]

Glad you're feeling a bit happier about it all, Joskar. I think we mums are put under such pressure to breast feed that we lose sight of the fact that babies do perfectly well on formula. If you were to look at your peers, could you tell which were formula and which were breast fed? I doubt it.