I once was Christian, but now am Agnostic...

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Are there any other MNers who have been through this? I used to be a strong believer for over 20 years. But recently over the last few years I just don't feel the same. I don't know if this is a permanent state, but I have to say I feel more 'me' than I have been for awhile.

I guess I just outgrew that system of beliefs/philosophy.

I believe that we (human beings) find the prospect of death hard to deal with, (along with the injustices/sufferings we encounter/witness going on in the world) so in order to make these issues/problems more 'palatable' we have created life after death, heaven and hell etc.

My becoming an agnostic has repercussions in my marriage (my Dh doesn't want me to tell the kids), and will create problems (possibly) in my relationships with my friends who are Christians.

Can anyone share me of their experiences, or offer some advice?

TIA

Bed

[Katisha]

Fair enough but that's why I wondered what sort of church it was as some will be able to handle doubt etc better than others.

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Oldlady, in response to your question: "do you think you're in some way different from when you were Xian, or do you think others might see you differently?"

I think others will see me differently, I do not think that my core values have changes significantly, I feel more free than when I was a Christian!

[sweetnitanitro]

This one was great, it's about JWs but I could relate to a lot of the things she went through. There are so so many books about leaving religion, you might find one from whatever denomination you are from more helpful if it's a particularly strict one.

I also loved the God Delusion but it's very heavy going and it's not a tale of experience so it might not be that helpful to you. It did affirm a lot of the feelings I was having though.

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Katisha, the church is pentacostal (sp?), but to be honest I don't want to discuss my change of faith, but just notify them of it. I don't view my lack of faith as a problem, (although my Dh unwillingness to discuss is).

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Don't think my Dh would let me have 'God Delusion' in the house! He is like the devil for (some) Christians

[UnquietDad]

I too used to be (sort of) Christian, became agnostic and am now atheist, and I too saw it as a process of "outgrowing". It seems a perfectly natural thing for an intelligent educated adult to do.

If your Christian friends are truly Christian, they will forgive you and let you do your own thing. However, I fear they may try and pray for you.

The best answer to "I'll pray for you" is:

"Thank you. I'll think for you."

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Thank you all again for responding to my thread, you have given my some good points to think about, and have made me feel it isn't a big deal, and there isn't anything wrong with bumbling through

BedofRosesItAintII

[BedofRosesItAintII]

UnquietDad

Or as I say, "yeah whateverrrr!"

[BedofRosesItAintII]

In regards to offers of prayer (I hope my friends know I am joking when I say that)

[Katisha]

Bed I take your point completely and I am not trying to persuade you to stay a Christian, but just to say that I found the pentecostal denominations very hard to take after a few years of being a christian and moved through various churches before deciding that it was the Anglican church that was right for me.
This is probably akin to losing your faith for some! But it is far less prescriptive about stuff and I like the space and lack of pressure to conform. I like to be left pretty much alone in church (to think, or even just to sit blankly, and not to have to emote non-stop) and that doesn't really happen anywhere else except the C of E in my experience.
Many people equate the way their particular church/denomination does things with The Truth, and yes, you do outgrow that. And should, I think.

[MaryBS]

Interestingly enough, I was brought up a devout Christian, stayed so into my 20s, then drifted away when I moved house and attended a church which didn't care whether I was there or not. I don't know if I became an agnostic, I just didn't think about religion much at all, I had other things going on in my life. HOWEVER I started going to church again when I had children, and am now a committed Christian. Personally, I think the space has made me a better Christian, I'm much less judgy than I used to be.

[GrimmaTheNome]

Hello Roses
I'm another ex-christian. Very ecumenical mostly non-conformist wider family (encompassing URC, Baptists, Methodists and CofE). Never fundamentalist (most were of a scientific bent) though I did get into the 'Born again' stuff and CU at uni.

And then began to grow away from it, doubt and finally come to the realisation that it was all a delusion (long before Dawkins promoted the term!)

I didn't really tell friends or family - didn't want to upset them or, slightly oddly maybe, cause them to question their faith. I wasn't worried that they would see me differently or anything like that. True friends remain true friends; the other sort are best rid of. My parents didn't find out till after DD was born and mum asked when the christening would be. They were upset, sent me a couple of rather lame books but we don't really discuss it.

I lost touch with my old friends for reasons of geography, not belief, but quite a few of my new friends are Christian - no problem.

Anyway, enough about me.

Pondering your DH - difficult situation. Pentecostalists tend to really believe so he is presumably genuinely in fear of your immortal soul - and your childrens if they are influenced by you. Its hard to deal with that sort of thing rationally. I'm also rather perturbed by you saying he wouldn't let you have a book in the house. It may well not be worth a fight over but thats not a good attitude, its your house too.

But you can't pretend, ultimately all we have is our own personal integrity. "To thine own self be true".

[Tummum]

Sorry I didn't reply last night, batteries went on the laptop !

It took me a long while to talk to my friends, as many of them I had met through the Church. I confided in a couple of friends, and gradually removed myself from the church rather than making a big announcement. To be fair to them, they were all really supportive, and have made a real effort to keep in touch outside the Church scene.

I also agree with you about avoiding "Christian Counselling" at this point, as this may hang up on your Christian POV rather than the other stuff you want to deal with.

I really hope that Relate helps you sort out where you want to get to in your marriage.

[BedofRosesItAintII]

Tummum, grimmatheNome, Katisha and MaryBS and everyone who has posted on this thread

Thank you for you support and intelligent thoughtful advice. It is much very appreciated.

(This is the longest thread I have, and I have been on MN since 1998!)

[GrimmaTheNome]

Anytime, Roses! IMO the one and only downside to leaving the church is that you don't have a ready-made real life community for support any more. Its good to be able find people on the web at least.