How to support DD's faith...

[AnnieOneWannaSmackWorra]

My DD is 6 years old and switched into the Catholic school board in September. DH is Catholic (but non-practicing) and I am an Atheist. Our DD indicated an interest in religion last summer and so we decided to move her to Catholic board to provide to give her the opportunity to learn about the Catholic faith.

My problem is that, as an atheist, I am finding it very difficult to engage with her when she talks about the day's lessons. My beliefs (or lack thereof) are my own and I want her to be able to make her own decisions rather than blindly following mine.

DD loves her new school and really enjoys learning all of the bible stories. I want to be able to support her educational life as well as her religious life as much as I possibly can. This is going to sound offensive and I really don't intend it that way, but is there such a thing as a complete idiot's guide to Catholicism?

[PoonAnnie]

Wow. Can this thread please die now? I didn't start this seeking validation for my choice to change DD's school. I am extremely happy with this choice. She is thriving at the school. The quality of education is much better than her previous school and, more importantly, her behaviour has improved significantly.

I appreciate that not everyone agrees with my decision and I respect your opinion, even if I don't agree. I obviously worded my original post very badly to cause such discord and I apologize for that.

[Back2Two]

Actually people have offered their opinions on how to best support a child's faith if they express an interest in exploring religion.

However, as their opinions and likely actions in a similar situation differ from the one of the OP and of GAQ (for example) they have been slated and criticised.

If the OP just wanted verification of her choices and confirmation that she has made the best decisions then she needed to ask this from a less diverse audience.

This is a large public forum with a huge membership. Different opinions are very likely.

As a parent, I would have recommended seeking this advice BEFORE changing the school my child was attending. The OP is happy to read "an idiots guide to Catholicism" after agreeing that her daughter will be immersed in this religion above all others. Sorry, but I question that logic.

[LynetteScavo]

Such bickering on this thread!

The op just asked for a bit of advice how to support her dd... which very few posters have offered.

So sad.

[Back2Two]

Those who have been "quarrelsome" and "overbearing" know who you are and can deny it all you like. Anyone reading can see for themselves and draw their own conclusions.

Ha ha ha. Irony. not. lost.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

(Start of my second paragraph)

[GotAnotherQuestion]

Hak - I said very honestly in my last post that the problem I had with our post was lacking respect for the OP's request

[Hakluyt]

Interesting, GotAnotherQuestion. When I challenge your accusations o bullying and disrespect, and ask for examples, you say "Oh, I don't mean you- I mean those other bullying disrespectful people"

Somehow forgetting this gem "Hak - you of all people should know better. Ou started a tread asking about respect and then you wade in here, ignoring the OP's request to only revive the support she requested in the opening post? Do you really want to know wha respect is all about or not?"

[TheNumberfaker]

Got please can you give examples of bullying.

Please also note that neither you nor Annie own Mumsnet. I have every right to ask questions and to challenge her decisions. It is a public forum. I don't think that I or any other posters except you have come anywhere close to breaking the Talk guidelines.

[LadyWithLapdog]

I can think of one particularly quarrelsome poster who brought nothing helpful to the thread.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

Hak - the OP said that long before you came on the scene so clearly it doesn't pertain to you.

My argument with your post is about not respecting the OP. Instead of respecting her wishes you persistently ignores the OP's request at Sat 14-Jun-14 04:47:03 after she said "This is not AIBU and I was not asking for opinions of my parenting choices. I asked for help and/or resources....'

And as for bulling? I wasn't thinking of you specifically, more the likes of posters before you. It is clear their intent is just to argue the toss and is not for the good of the OP (as she made it clear it's not helpful).

The OP has made it quite clear what she came here for. There is something vulnerable about a parent asking for help, and there is something 'bullying' about other people criticising her choices. Talk about kick a man when he's already down!

I have read some of your posts elsewhere and you seem to be reasonably level headed person. This made me wonder if you perhaps gave your reply before reading the posts through and realising the OP had expressed her thoughts in further detail. I hope that's the case, or it doesn't seem to line up with your other posts, which as I say, seem on the whole to be more reasonably balanced. And definitely more respectful.

bul·ly1 [bool-ee] Show IPA
noun, plural bul·lies.
1.
a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

Those who have been "quarrelsome" and "overbearing" know who you are and can deny it all you like. Anyone reading can see for themselves and draw their own conclusions.

And for those who still think their comments were helpful (as the OP requested):

help [help] Show IPA
verb (used with object)

1. to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist
   
2. to save; rescue; succor:
   
3. to make easier or less difficult; contribute to; facilitate:
   
4. to be useful or profitable to:

[Back2Two]

And yes, a parent who is allowing her child freedom to explore something for herself, is not a parent who lacks balance or care. That's why I know she is such a parent.

Exploring religion does not best come from being immersed in one religion.

But forcing her to either be denied that freedom (which some people seen to suggest), or force feed her every religion known to man, whether she likes it or not, is the type of parenting that would make it clear to me lacks balance.

Your definition of "freedom" here differs vastly to my own.
Who talked about "force feeding"? When does "freedom" stay "freedom" and not be "force feeding" in your world?

I feel sorry for any poster's children who would not allow their child such freedom..

Do not feel sorry for my children.

Wha are you all so scared of? And no, don't bother answering*

In this context, absolutely zero. But, if I broaden my outlook religion rates fairly highly on my fears for the future of my children and for the future of civilisation as we know it.

No, I think it's just sour grapes. You're not content to follow your own path you want to put obstacles in everyone else's way too. Why not try and have a little respect and don't upset the op when all she's asked or is information about pursuing HER choice.

I disagree with all of these statements. They are not grounded in evidence from anything, let alone posts on this thread.

Your hypocrisy is breathtaking.

[Hakluyt]

"Me, amongst others"

[Hakluyt]

GAQ- but you obviously agree or you wouldn't have attacked other posted in the terms you have. I repeat, show me mockery or bullying on this thread. You used very unpleasant language to describe am, amongst others. I am asking you to justify it.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

Hak - again, please re-read. I quoted that from the OP's 3rd post. And I posted it, not to demonstrate I agree or disagree but to reinforce the sentiment of the OP.

[nicename]

If this were me... I'd see if the church were doing any classes. Some do and they aren't all about 'converting the heathens'. Or maybe try to help out at sunday school or kids groups in the church.

I work for the church and always ask weird and wonderful questions about what things mean, why are things done as they are, beliefs, practical stuff and whether cavemen had souls (aparently they do and the jury is out on animals though), and 'why moths?'. The clergy are very patient people!

[Hakluyt]

"is obvious that your main purpose here is simply to mock religion and anyone who dares expose their child to it."

Gotaanotherquestion- if you can show me anyone mocking religion or bullying on this thread then I will give £10 to a charity of your choice.

[PoonAnnie]

I don't care what faith my daughter follows. As Lynette surmised, Catholic was the obvious choice due to my DH's background. If she decides later that she wants to be Hindu or Jewish or Mormon or an Atheist then I will support her in that.

Thank you everyone for your feedback.

[LynetteScavo]

There is always much more to a a situation than can ever be included in the OP.

It was mentioned the OPs DH was a lapsed Catholic, and extended family are Catholic. Which probably did make a Catholic school attractive to the OP, whether she is atheist or not.

[FiveExclamations]

AnnieOneWannaSmackWorra I'm an Atheist and my DD goes to the village school which is C of E. The school is not heavy handed about it's connection to the local church and when the Vicar is in he's very much "... and if you want to make it your prayer too say Amen at the end." I even occasionally help him with his bible story sessions because he's often short of helpers and I like the way he uses bible stories to get the children to think about issues that affect them.

DD at around 6 years old started asking me why we didn't go to church and why she wasn't Christened, so I offered to take her to the once a month family service and we went fairly regularly for a couple of years.

DD knew I was an Atheist from the beginning, when asked by the regular church goers I told them too. It was fine, both sides managed to discuss their beliefs/convictions respectfully.

All this background is to explain that I supported my DD by taking her to church. I went to firstly because she was too little to just leave there and secondly, and most importantly, so that I could hear what was being said. DD and I would discuss the service on the way home and I would add my point of view in a way that DD could understand.

DD stopped going to church over a year ago, it was completely her decision and she's now interested in the Quaker Faith.

So, my way of supporting DD was to go to church with her and by being respectful of whatever she was believing at the time but I do think you can be supportive without giving up the right to have an opposing view.

The question is, will her Catholic school and whatever church you might take her too be as open to an Atheist ambling around and reserving the right to tell their own child that actually, that's not what you believe?

[GotAnotherQuestion]

Oh and I don't see a problem asking a question but you've twisted it beyond that. Perhaps it originated with one service but clearly it's led to OP's DD waning to learn more and pursue it. So perhaps started with a service but certainly didn't end there.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

All of those atrocities are not exclusively catholic you know. If only AIDS could be narrowed down to one religion! What an absurd comment.

Mass graves is not specifically catholic related either. Perhaps in that instance it was, but go and read a few history books to see that it's not just Catholics. It's a much broader human error not always a specifically catholic one.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

The original post says: "My problem is that, as an atheist, I am finding it very difficult to engage with her..."

She then writes later:
"Faker I started this thread asking for information about how to best support my DD's faith. At no point did I ask for others to share their opinions of Catholicism nor did I ask for this to turn into a theological debate. It was a simple thread with a sime purpose.

See the words information to support? There it is for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Should you wish to discuss the concept of indoctrination I would suggest you start your own thread and stop trying to derail mine."

But people continued to wade right in there anyway. So the OP had to explain it further, again.
"What the hell is wrong with MN? I asked a relatively simple question and two people have felt the need to slate me for it. I don't give two shiny shits whether you agree with my decision as a parent. It is obvious that your main purpose here is simply to mock religion and anyone who dares expose their child to it.

How perceptive of the OP. What a shame you still didn't listen and respect the intention of her original request.

Thank you to those who offered an answer to my question. I am backing away from the thread now. I really don't feel up to having my parenting skills punched."

And there you have it. Pushed out from MN because of a few bullies. What is it they say about bullies and cowards? That was my point. And that's why I won't stand by and see someone trample all over someone else and not challenge it. I'm sure the OP can stand up for herself but sometimes it just needs to be said.

[TheNumberfaker]

Got you are the only one that has been rude on this thread. I do believe you called me a blue bottle and a coward!

I have posted on many threads over the last few years, earlier ones using a different name. Sometimes you have to ask more questions to get the full picture. For example, I can remember asking how old someone's child was that they were trying to potty train, and then whether they were showing any signs of awareness because that would affect the advice needed. (Child is under two, no signs of bowel/ bladder awareness so advice was to leave it for a few months.)

From the information given by the OP it seems her DD has been to one Catholic christening and has asked questions about God and Catholicism. She wants to learn more. Ok so going to Catholic school will achieve that, but it will also indoctrinate her.

Is it such a bad thing to grow up as a Catholic?

Obviously not for your neighbour Got but what about the millions who get Aids because the Catholic church refuses to support condoms, the women subjected to terrible abuse in the Magdalene laundries in Ireland, the millions of women deprived of control over their own bodies...

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

I'm with you faker.