Advice on a tough situation

[sunshinecg]

May be a bit long winded so I appreciate if you make it to the end.

My sister has a 8 year old dog who today went for my 4.5 year old at our mums house. My 4 year old was told to stop running around the dog but no effort was made to move the dog out the way and she ran slightly too close and the dog whipped round and barred her teeth and growled at her. Both my sisters who were in the room then told my 4 year old off saying you can’t run around the dog but neither of them said anything to the dog (not even telling her off)
My 4 year old wasn’t hyper or out of control she was just being a normal busy child.

Bit of back story on the dog. She’s had a few operations on her front elbows so can be in pain sometimes and as a result can be grumpy to both dogs and children.
She has gone for a couple of dogs before and has bitten another child (through a coat so no skin was broken) as the child accidentally fell on her so she was startled and bit the child on the arm. And she also went for but didn’t bit another child when they were playing with a ball and she wanted it. (she can be quite possessive over toys and food)

So both myself and husband are on the same page saying we want neither of our children (we also have a 8 month old who’s starting to move around) around said dog anymore as why risk a potential bite situation but my sister and her husband don’t believe their dog is a the problem as they blamed my daughter this time and the other children on the previous times.
I really don’t want a family falling out over this so want advice on how others would navigate.
Have we over reacted or are we justified in how we are thinking?
Thank you for making it to the end if you have 🥰

[rickandmorts]

We have dogs and a few times they've given a warning growl at my toddler. I would NEVER tell them off for this and was thankful they did that and didn't go straight to bite. If they were told off they might not give a warning next time and bite toddler instead. It's the same in your situation mentioned. I think you're sensible in not letting your kids round the dog again as it's clearly saying it doesn't like them. And I also wouldn't say the dog has done anything wrong, it's just not great around kids which is understandable given the examples you've described. No need for anyone to fall out over it though.

[allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld]

@sunshinecg I have two dogs but I cannot understand why people take their dogs with them when they go visiting! mine just stay home till we come back. apart from that, mine are well trained and actually love having children visit because they know they will be having their tummies tickled all day and will be allowed in the tv room and the lounge where they dont normally go. i would not be happy with either of our dogs snapping at children!! dont take your children back if your relatives dog is also visiting and tell your mother this.

[carerneedshelp]

Why were you allowing your child to rein around a dog you know doesn't like children?

Sorry but this is entirely on you. Not your child and certainly not on the dog.

[BranchGold]

I wonder who was responsible for the young child in the company of the dog.

Were you present? Who was supervising?

I think you/your husband are trying to apportion blame or responsibility on to the dog owners. Whoever is supervising the young child is responsible for ensuring their safety and environment. It doesn’t need to be a drama. If there are dangers, you remove your child.

[Balloonhearts]

You need to teach your child how to behave around animals, not expect everyone else to adapt their routines to your child. Be glad she got a warning. You never ever tell a dog off for growling. All that teaches them is not to communicate that they are at the li.it of their tolerance. Next time they don't growl as they will get told off, they just snap.

[Mmhmmn]

If this dog was being rehomed from a shelter, it would be categorised as “cannot be around children”.

YANBU.

[OatFlatWhiteForMe]

It doesn’t sound like the dog is comfortable or safe around children. I would avoid my children being near the animal and would not be at my mother’s house when the animal is present.

[lucylulululu]

Sorry OP but you're BU here.
Any dog trainer/specialist will tell you that you shouldn't tell a dog off for growling because then the dog potentially learns that giving a pre-bite warning is bad and will go straight to biting instead.
You also have known this dog isn't the best with children and is likely in some pain. That + an excitable young child is not a good mix.

Every circumstance you've described, except for the toy possessiveness, sounds to me like they were all defensive warnings/nips - ie the dog has never gone out of her way to pounce on the child and attack them. Which is unfortunate for your little one but also understandable behaviour given the info you've stated.

The toy possessiveness is something else entirely that her owners need to address separately, but for now perhaps avoid any scenarios like that where the dog is around the child playing and could potentially become possessive over a toy your child is playing with.

[Floralnomad]

I likely wouldn’t have your children around this dog because your children don’t know how to behave around animals . The dog , in the instance today , did exactly what a good dog should , she gave a warning growl which is the equivalent of a person saying don’t invade my space I don’t like it .

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

So the dog told your child to fuck off. Nothing else.

Yes you are solely to blame. Your failure to parent meant the dog had to pick up the slack.

No your children shouldn't be around him because he deserves better behaviour

[Luckypoppy]

The dog didn't 'go' for your child. It's gave them a warning that they were too close. The equivalent of someone saying go away. Obviously you need to monitor your child near the dog, as I'm sure you have been doing, but it didn't bite even though it was uncomfortable.

[Lavender14]

DSis, I appreciate the love you have for your wee dog and I understand they are getting on in age and are sometimes in pain due to their health. I understand that dogs, like people, can have bad days, and I'm aware that dd as a normal energetic, playful 4 year old might not be as aware of or considerate of your dogs needs in the way adults might be and your dog has shown that it finds her a bit much at times which is understandable. I don't want to put dd or your dog in a position where something could happen as that would be awkward and upsetting for everyone involved so I feel it's best that we keep them separate from now on so your dog can enjoy peace and adult company where it feels safe, and dd can continue being a normal busy 4 year old without any worries for either of them. I hope you understand my thought process is to protect both dd and your dog. I would really like us to be able to meet up without the dog present so you can still spend time with dd and she can still visit her gp so hopefully we can find a way to coordinate this in future when we're both visiting?

[Ger1atricMillennial]

Your child didn't listen to the adults in the room, so the dog set the boundary.

It is fair to ask the dog to be separate when they are both visiting, but there is some onus on you to make sure she listens to adults around her when interacting with any dogs.

[Ellmau]

Keeping the dog and children separate is clearly the right thing for all concerned.