Teen House Party

[Jenn83]

Looking for some advice here. My 15 year old son wants a house party (which I'm happy for him to have) but he's asked for 40 people. I have a 4 bed semi with an open plan kitchen/diner/sitting area and they can have access to the garden but I can't help but think this will be too many. I know there will be alcohol (I won't be providing it but I wont stop them bringing their own) I will be in the house the whole time and will be very strict at who comes through the door. I'm a bit scared that my house will be trashed - can anyone offer an advice.

No

No

and fu@k no

Maximum is 8, your son does not know 40 people that he can trust to behave themselves in a situation like this.

It would be a no from me

Nope

You're almost begging for randoms to trash your house and to become a neighbourhood social pariah. I had a garden party at 16 for 30 people with my DDad and 3 of his burly rugby mates as 'gatekeepers'/bouncers... there were 30-40 random people at the front of the house hoping to get in who'd heard from mates/mates of mates. We called the police who moved them on, but it was only because of having several intimidating Middle aged men that these people didn't attempt to force their way in.

To prepare, we hired a pair of portaloos and literally locked the house up!

Don't do this.

No. Been there, done it. My son had 12 people. They wrecked the house. And pissed off my lovely neighbours

Having heard what happened to the home of a friend whose 17 year old son invited 30 friends for pizza for his birthday…The parents went out to dinner and came home at 11:30 to a panicking son and a trashed house (spillages, mud, broken lamps and pictures, a flooded bathroom, teens going to the loo in neighbours gardens…).

They kicked everyone out…as they were leaving they all shouted “Great party!” So that was one good thing.

40 random teens?
There is no way this would be happening in my house.
We often have dc's teenage friends round after school etc but in manageable numbers.
40 is not a manageable number.

Yes, absolutely not. 40 is a huge and impractical volume of people for an average house even if they were sober and responsible adults (imagine the queues for the presumably one downstairs loo!) never mind teenagers. I'd allow 6-8 close friends max - any more than that however sensible and well-intentioned your own child, and however hard you try to police it, it's still completely possible it will get out of hand, some of the 40 are bound to mention it to girl/boyfriends, siblings, friends of friends etc and unless you are a professional bouncer you'll really struggle to manage a 'door' policy on your own. It doesn't even have to go full-scale rave for there to be a really annoying amount of neighbour pissing off noise and damage to your house, even if 90% of your attendees are responsible, 4 drunk teens (and at that age they don't need to have drunk a huge amount to be absolutely paralytic) can really damage your carpets and soft furnishings with spills, sick, treading in muck from outside etc.

I know you'll get moans and groans but honestly it's worth putting your foot down, they do not need to be the host of a whole-class party at 15/16, however much they may think the world is ending if you say no (I remember all too well). I'd offer him something special to make his 16th nice, whatever he thinks is cool, concert tickets for him and a friend, a pizza party with a blind eye turned to the odd beer/cider but for his close friends only, paintballing, but a house party at home is a no way from me I'm afraid.

It would be a no from me even if this party was during the summer so everybody could go outside.

My reasons - there's one downstairs loo. 40 people and 1 loo would be a nightmare.

-neighbours have primary aged kids. They would probably tolerate a one off party but not as late as teens would want.

-cleaning. No way is my son capable of returning the house to the way it was. My carpeted floors will end up trashed.

Hmm. I think I'd be inclined to find a compromise situation.
Parties are important for teens, I know I had a few and they went well and meant I was invited to other people's parties and I enjoyed the social aspect of school which by age 15 revolved around parties / nights out.

So. If you're going to be in the house, it's unlikely it will be trashed. Yeah it'll need a good mop afterwards. Could you minimise the time the party is going for, 3 hours maybe (8 - 11?) and perhaps 30 kids. Agreed guest list. Ensure there is some food to line their stomachs, neighbours are aware and your kid helps with the clear up.

Alternatively, agree to a party but book a venue and not have it in the house.

Honestly?

Totally unrealistic and unmanageable.

Don't do it, it will end in total disaster and I suspect deep down you know this.

This!
I might extend to 12 but the point about that many not being close friends who care about him or your house it critical

Plus you alone on the door will not stop gate crashers if word gets out. Trust me on this. It will spiral and you will lose control.

Just thought I would give an update - We went ahead with the party and had a great night, 40 turned up but they were all invited. We didn't have any damage, no unexpected guests - 2 people drank too much and my husband took them home. I let 15 of them sleep over, everyone was very polite and thankful, they all helped clean up in the morning and said it was the best house party even. We've had 3 more since with 25 people and still had a great time - Its actually been really nice as my sons friends all spend a lot of the night talking to me so I've got to know them very well. I appreciate not all house parties go well but also not all kids are bad... busy planning the next one for the summer!

Reading all the negative comments made me feel sad 😞 really glad you went ahead, I hope I’m that parent she’s only 11 but we had 12 year’s sleep over for one birthday & it was fine

This

I'm late to this but beyond glad it went well. "Not all kids are bad" THIS. There are so many good kids and parties are such a large part of many teenagers lives. I hope all your future parties go well.