5th birthday party - only inviting half the class

[dinny]

Is this going to cause probs or is it perfectly fine?

[dinny]

don't think parents of classmates gonna be keen to let a bunch of 4/5 year olds sleep at someone's house they don't know that well, tbh, Paulaplumpbotom

[paulaplumpbottom]

Thats a good idea. You could make it a slumber party. Very cheap, you probably wouldn't need party games or party bags, just junk food, DVDs, and someone willing to do their Hair nails and makeup.

[dinny]

am now thinking I may just ibvite all the girls in her class (plus a few non-school friends).

that way boys won't be bothered about not coming - hopefully

[fridayschild]

DS1 is about to be 4, he is very happy to choose some of his special friends to invite. His first cut of the party list had 16 names on it, and I have said he can have 4 because that is his age. He seemed OK with this. Actually I think he has a gang of 6 mates so if four is too hard then he can have a few more. Some of his main friends have had birthdays without inviting DS1 to the party, and he doesn't mind a bit.

And because I think the party is for him, my friends' kids won't be invited. Easier because they're not in the same school, but even so, I can ask them round whenever I want. DS1 doesn't often get to choose.

[chocolatekimmy]

spot on there

[hana]

you can't invite everyone!!
kids get over it, I think their mums have more hangups about this sort of thing than the children do

[zubb]

for ds1's 5th party I told him the number of people he could invite - 8 - and he deceided who it would be. There are 30 in his class - they wouldn't all fit in my house!!
He handed the invitations out in the playground in full view of everyone else because he was excited (it was his first party). Yes, the other 21 would have seen that they weren't invited but why spoil his fun - they would have talked about it in class anyway.
He sometimes tells me that X is having a party but he knows that you can't invite everyone, so doesn't expect to go.
In fact since September there have been no all-the-class parties with his class.

[Themis]

PPB said 'I think you are thinking of yourself more than the children in her class '

Too bloody right parents are the ones who have to pay out for the parties ! May sound harsh but if a child gets upset because they haven't been invited to one of my DS then that is not for me to deal with , thats for their parents !

[LilyLoo]

You right Spider knew i had problem when he wanted to invite his teacher !

[Spidermama]

Lily I would put a cap on it. Say, ten. You have to be the boss of this. They can't organise the party so you have to work out the limits. If left entirely up to them they'd be sending invitations to Bob the Builder and the lollipop lady and all sorts.
You take charge. I think less is more at parties. You get better games and it's not just crowd control.

[Iota]

I never invite more than about 12 - with my 2 that's 14 at the party

[tortoiseSHELL]

I also think big parties aren't so enjoyable for the kids - they inevitably end up with lots of tears, and tea is a nightmare. Going to fewer smaller parties where they can actually talk to the host and their friends is much better!

[ChocolateTeapot]

Paulaplumpbottom, as they get older the parties in DD's class have got smaller and smaller and they are all well used to not being invited. None of them seem in the slightest bit psychologically scarred by this and as far as I can tell the parents aren't either, well I'm certainly not.

It is the harsh reality of life that choices have to be made. And my DD has dyspraxia so is one of the ones who gets less invites so I am not speaking as someone whose child gets invited to everything.

Dinny, go ahead just maybe discretely hand out invitations to parents at the gates if you can.

[tortoiseSHELL]

It's madness to invite all the class as a matter of course. Inviting half the class is fine.

I heard (prob on MN!) that a child should have the same number of guests as their age, and that is ideal for parties. Last year, ds1 for his fifth birthday had 4 from school, and about 5 from outside school, and that was perfect. This year he's having a 'gym' party, so will have a few more (it's not in our house!), but probably 10-15 from school, and 5 or so from outside school.

Tbh, I don't think children age 3-5 care whether they're invited - they're not old enough to follow through with the 'they don't like me'...

[LilyLoo]

Just went through the class list with DS before he went to school asking who he would like to invite he left two out! Back to the drawing board

[Spidermama]

dinny I let my ds invite the people he wanted to invite. He turned five last week. There were about ten from his class then my kids and a couple more brought the number up to 16. Ample. It was a good party.

I think inviting all members of the class makes the whole thing too much like a day at school. Also then it's more about his classmates needs than his needs.

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[Mala]

Oh-just wanted to say, I think it is fine that you invite just half the class.

My dd was not particularly upset about not being invited to these two boys parties-so they are tougher than you think.

[Mala]

When I was doing dd's birthday invitation list I agonised(!) over it for ages. There were 4 different lists with different variations of children at one point. In the end I called all the girls, even though dd wanted to invite a a couple of the boys. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and was trying to do it in the most sensitive way.

However, the majority of parents obviously don't give it so much thought and dd has been left out of a couple of parties, while her best friend has been invited. One mother was happily handing out invitations in the playground. The next time I am not going to bother with who is being left out or not, I will just ask my dd to name names and be done with it.

[paulaplumpbottom]

I would invite them all or not invite any of them. My DD is only 3 and there are only 15 in her class at pre-school so she hasn't been NOT invited to a party yet, and if this does ever happen then I will tell her to put her chin up, but lets face it, it sucks when your child's feelings get hurt. I have had parties for more than 28 before. I think you are thinking of yourself more than the children in her class

[dinny]

my dd hasn't been invited to all the class parties - just those that she is good friends with/if the whole class have been invited.

would definitely invite those whose parties she has been to.

[Themis]

Only inviting half the class - not a problem - any reasonable parent would realise that it is not possible to invite the whole class , whether it be too expensive , tight for space or bascailly you dont want them their and shouldn't get 'upset' because their child hasn't been invited ! Lifes full of disappointments and children cannot be expected to be invited or go to every party.

What if you want to invite friends outside of school or family - numbers could be up in the 40s !

[mysonsmummy]

i do believe if you accept an invite from someone in the class - if you then have a party in the same year then you should invite that child back. i only mean if you are not having a same sex party.

[Budababe]

Teachers at our school will only distribute invites if all children in class invited. They have to deal with the fall out otherwise.

(Not saying that you need to invite all BTW!)