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Parents of adult children

Uni budget

27 replies

Dollyparton3 · 05/09/2019 13:42

Another similar question to a recent thread.

DSD is off to Uni this year and living at home with her mum for the first year.

We will of course help out with essential purchases. Books, tech, parking fees near uni, living costs in her mums home.

DSD seems to have wild expectations of what she needs to live on and insists it's not enough. We've heard estimates of £600 a month to be at uni, when we break it down, petrol will cost her £100 max and we've paid for her car already.

On the flip side, "living costs" to her seem to be eating out every day, buying more clothes than she'll ever wear and eyebrow tints, gel nails and Russian eyelashes. That's £100+ on beauty treatments that I can't even justify whilst working full time. She regularly goes to clubs and drinks cocktails at £10 a pop.

She works 3 evenings a week and we've offered her a couple of days a week looking after the dog whilst she studies. I'd pay her what I pay the daycare company. It's win win for her, she can study whilst getting paid. But she can't commit to when she'll be free so won't help us out there.

So. My question is, whilst uni students are living at home with you what's the expectation of support? Apparently we're being unfair in not giving her money to go out and spend in the student bar, and we've said her allowance will now need to go towards something tangible so that she can start to learn how to budget in preparation for living out of home next year.

Until she winds in her lifestyle to a level that isn't beyond our own means we refuse to fund it.

I should add she'd not taken a student loan for this year and doesn't want to work any more than she already does. And she won't sit and work out a sensible budget with us so we're at a bit of a standoff

OP posts:
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BackforGood · 20/09/2019 22:04

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable amount to ask for

Really ?
Are you OP's DSD ? Grin

DH and I both work and are now relatively senior in our careers. We don't have £600 a month spare 'just for luxuries'. Now, I know as adults we are all on different budgets, but when you are a student, there is a certain expectation from most folk that things are going to be 'tight' for a few years.

To give you another perspective OP, my dd is at University (away from home). Her loan (+top up from us) covers her rent which does include utility bills, internet, etc. We then give her £35 pw (mid Sept until end of May), from which she has to buy everything she needs - food, travel, anything for the course, her phone, anything she needs in terms of clothes, haircuts etc, toiletries, cleaning products etc. She says she manages fine on that. She then works to fund 'luxuries' she wants - in her case her car, petrol, tax, MOTs, car insurance and so forth, plus of course alcohol and eating out sometimes.

Your dsd is being ridiculous.
I think if I were you I would leave it that, When she is prepared to sit down and discuss a reasonable budget, and costs etc, then you will consider if you think you will give her any additional money.

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Nextphonewontbesamsung · 20/09/2019 22:04

Our dd start University this month. We are paying all her rent. She gets approx £100 pw from the maintenance loan for term time in the first year, which we will top up as and when but I'm envisaging this being to a max of £150 pw occasionally. She absolutely will NOT be able to afford beauty treatments or endless nights out with cocktails on what we give her! She will also be working.

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