Left on my own for a week...... how do people cope?!?

[M2T]

I am a total wimp! DP had to go to his parents (400 miles away) for a funeral. It was a close family member. He left on Saturday morning and I'm already wondering how the heck single parents can cope! Or parents who's partners often work away from home for a few weeks at a time.

The dishes are piling up, I just about managed a a shower this morning and last night I got myself so scared of the noises the house was making that I couldn't sleep!

And I can't even type about my trip to Tesco last night!! It was all too traumatic, but at least we did it and got home safely.

DP has never been away from us for loner than 2 nights and I miss him so much. This could be very good for us and will make me realise just how much I love him and miss him.

So... hats off to all those parents who have to do it on their own (even for a few weeks).

I used to be SO independant. I really am pathetic now, aren't I?? (oh god please don't answer that!)

[pie]

I like your plan better

[M2T]

Hughsie - not patronising at all. Unfortunately the funeral isn't until tomorrow and that'll be an all day drinking session. He could spend another £50! Plus he hasn't even arranged or paid for his bus fair home. He's going to have to borrow from people. I told him that under NO cisrcumstances was I writing cheques to pay back the money he borrows. The bank acc and everything else is in my name. I earn double what he earns!! Yet I'm the one scrimping and watching the pennies!

Totally agree Pie. Dunno about cuddling up for cosy nights when he gets home! Perhaps I'll smack him one instead.

[pie]

M2T, my DH is the same, spending money we don't have on people who aren't even going to buy him a round back. He's always giving away stuff, and spends HOURS helping people with their computers. He gets the usual I owe you a drink, as people don't think to pay him (and he would probably say no) and then when he goes out he buys them a drink. He says he doesn't want to be seen as a tightwad, even though they are working and he is a student and we live off my disability benefit.

Some men will do anything for 'face'.

We've had so many arguments that he just ends up not going out so I have to sit at home looking at him and feeling guilty about ruining the little social life he has. But really its up to him not to be taken advantage of.

You DH has probably just got carried away, are there lots of people he hasn't seen in a long time? Childhood friends who still live near his folks? It probably just turned into an over long reunion.

Probably isn't too much of a problem if its just a one off, anyway he will be back soon and spending cosy nights in with you

[Hughsie]

M2T - that is totally fair - dont you feel guilty for what he is doing.

It is annoying when money disappears on drink as it is so easy to spend a load in the pub and yet we all search for a bargain in every other part of life - i appreciate your concern over nursery fees - i'm agonising as to whether to keep ds1 in nursery for 3 days a week while I am on maternity leave but with an extension been built it is easier to have him out the way.

Only 3 more days to go for you - how much can he spend in that time?? Dont worry he'll be back soon

Reading back over this I hope it does not sound patronisng - not meant to.

[M2T]

Hi folks. He's been away now for 4 nights... 3 to go.

I had an almighty row with him in the phone last night about money! He's SO irresponsible. I know he's grieving for his Aunt but life goes on and he has to remember that I am still up here with his son and with bills still to pay! He took cash down with him and he promised to make it last all week. HA!! He's been out drinking every night and by day 4 it's gone. He told me that he couldn't exactly go out and not buy rounds!! I said of course he could... he could've been honest and said from the start "listen folks, I'm on a tight budget so please don't include me in the rounds."

But Noooooooooooo. And he always buys more rounds than he gets back... like it's some big gesture of his generosity and a show of manhood. It's pathetic. I'm up here struggling to find the money for the extra day ds will have to be in Nursery and he's down there buying rounds for everyone.

Is that fair?? Am I being too harsh on him??? I am just SO glad he didn't take the bank card.

[bubbly]

Day 2 in the M2T house - how's it going? Are you still in one piece? I've been thinking about you as my dh is off on a work jolly for 3 days from Sunday. Poor me. I'm already planning my videos and spoily food...for me and the kids I think dont you. maybe we should have a virtual cinema night with virtual tickets on the virutal sitting room door and virtual popcorn...

[linzoid]

sorry, that didn't come out right. I mean that i have already written myself off as being able to cope, even for one night!

[linzoid]

Your'e definately not pathetic..i am! My dp is going away tomorrow morning at 5am and is back thursday at 6pm. I hate it!! I have envisioned all worse case scenarios and presumed that i won't deal with within 10 minutes of him telling me about the night away.

[Ghosty]

Poor you M2T! I hate it when DH goes away ... I am like you and always imagine that that noise is a mad axe murderer climbing in through the window! I go to sleep really late (with the light on) and sleep really badly.
DH went away for 2 weeks (on a jolly cricket tour) when DS was 10 weeks old and I had just been diagnosed with PND ... I stood at the coach bawling my eyes out begging him to stay as I didn't know how I was going to keep DS alive for that long!
It was actually the best thing he did (although I still maintain that I haven't forgiven him ) as I learned in those two weeks that I could cope and survive. In fact DH came back to find DS sleeping through the night so I didn't do that bad a job!
I know how you feel about your best friend ... one of mine was going to come and stay for two nights and blew me out because of a boyfriend too ... but my sister did come and stay for a bit which was really great of her ....
Just think though ... you can spend all the next two weeks on mumsnet and not feel guilty!!
Hugs {{{}}}

[ForestFly]

Stop taking them for granted a week is nothing!

[wobblymum]

My DH had to go away on business for 3 nights when I was about 20 weeks preg. I wound myself up so much and got so on edge that I couldn't sleep at night because of noises and worries and I just got completely knackered and drifted off about 4 in the morning and then had to doze most of the morning because I'd just keep waking up all the time.

It's weird how much it can affect you. Out of the two of us, I'm the 'together' one and the one who can handle situations most capably but something like that can turn me into a babyish heap!!!!

[wiltshirelass]

isn't it wierd? I do only manage to paint my nails about twice a year, but when he sees the little bottles coming out his eyes widen, his nostrils flare and he says "oh. are you going to do that now?" no, actually I'm just checking them to see that they haven't spontaneously combusted in the six months since I last took them out of the drawer...

[M2T]

Forgot to mention that Wiltshirelass! LOL.

My dp actually GAGS at the smell of it..... slightly dramatic I does think.

[bubbly]

wiltshirelass- LOL

[M2T]

Lindy - I just couldn't cope with that! My dp does most of the housework. I always cook, but then again I enjoy cooking.
We always go to the supermarket together. He's a gem..... when he's not being a totally insensitive sh*t.

[M2T]

Lindy - I just couldn't cope with that! My dp does most of the housework. I always cook, but then again I enjoy cooking.
We always go to the supermarket together. He's a gem..... when he's not being a totally insensitive sh*t.

[Lindy]

Well, I'm with Miggy - I actually prefer being on my own!! House seems to stay tidier, less 'formal' cooking, smaller pile of laundry & ironing, no packed lunches to make, can stay on mumsnet all the time without thinking I should be spending 'quality' time with DH, no need to make an effort in bed!! And the thought that my DH would even be seen in a supermarket - don't make my laugh!!

I get more stressed when he DOESN'T go away!

[Starsky]

M2T - I know how you feel - my dh went away on Saturday to India for 2 weeks. I am just trying to arrange lots of stuff to do and not expect to be able to do loads around the house - not too much of a disappointment anyway!
I agree that having him away does make me appreciate how much he does for us and how much I miss and love him.
However, at least he is only away for 2 weeks and will be back soon. I am counting the days!!

[wiltshirelass]

and while you watch the tv of your choice, paint your toes, take it off again because it looks crap, paint them another colour, raise your head and listen to the absence of mumbled "isn't that stuff toxic? shall I open a window? are you almost finished?" coming from dh

[suedonim]

I've spent long periods on my own, too, and it helps to have a few tricks up your sleeve. Noises used to scare me, so I'd keep a radio playing softly in the bedroom. Plan some little treats, like the picnic idea or some special food only you and Dk's like. A jaunt out to get some fresh air is amazingly therapeutic and of course, do spend some time choosing what you want to watch on the TV!

[Melly]

Hi M2T, no you're not pathetic, you're just normal. Sometimes I think the thought of coping on your own is worse and when it actually comes around you do just fine. My dh is in the Navy and is away quite a bit, it didn't seem too much of a problem when I just had dd who is nearly 2, but now we have ds who is 7 weeks I am finding it really hard. It doesn't help that we live in a very rural area so some days I don't see anyone. As you say though it does make you appreciate your partner - last week I was so pleased to see dh when he got home on Friday afternoon.
Hope this week goes ok for you, I'm sure you will manage just fine, a little tip, if things get you down, put the children somewhere safe and take a few minutes outside to chill out

[SoupDragon]

Yes - we have picnics occasionally. blanket on the floor, anywhere. The downside is that DS1 expects "lots of food" meaning a large variety.

[M2T]

Tell me about it Coddy! I need to get out of my routine and start being a bit more imaginative. Us left-handers are s'pose to be dead creative!! Not so far.....

mental note - must have picnic on kitchen floor this week<

added note... remember to include ds

[codswallop]

(yearns to be inventive mother..)

[wiltshirelass]

actually sometimes we do have picnics for no reason - get out the plates and eat on the kitchen floor on a party tablecloth. the children think it is hilarious and always eat very well!