For those who have had two under two: when did you feel you were starting to claw back some time for you?

[neuroticlady]

I'm posting this at the end of a tough day. DS1 has an ear infection. DD2 has the squits. Between them both they've been up seven or eight times over the past week at night and I'm knackered, DH and I are so grumpy, the house is a tip, dinner was burned, I look a total state and with DD2 being only 4 months old I know I won't get a break overnight. The most fun I have right now is trailing around in the cold with the double buggy on my own with two whining ill kids but at least it gets me out of the house. Can't go to playgroup etc when they're ill, no one would thank me for that. It feels hard hard hard and I know everyone says it gets better, but I guess I need a rough idea of when that might be, to keep me sane!

[SpudtheScarecrow]

There's 22 months between mine and I found the big turning points were when the youngest was 6 months or so and could sit up and eat with us and when he was walking properly at about 14 months (he'd been cruising for months but took ages to get going) it made a huge difference to be able to just pop him down on his feet when going to the car or whatever. Also when he was reliably going to sleep at 7 ish and we had our evenings back.

Mine are 4 and 2 now and mostly they are such good friends - it's lovely to see them together. I've just found out I'm pregnant with no.3 so it must have got easier somewhere along the way! Am a bit at starting all over again

[fledtoscotland]

mine are 2yrs and 13months (11month gap exactly). I'm not sure whether they are getting easier or I'm just getting better at juggling baby, toddler, cup of cold tea etc etc. Come 4pm it is still a nightmare as DS1 is hungry, DS2 is swinging from my trousers and I'm trying to get something prepared for tea.

I think time to yourself depends on you and your circumstances. We have no family so are at the mercy of a couple of very good friends who let me go to the supermarket with only one helper. If you had asked me this question when Ds2 was 4months, i would probably just have sat down and cried, but it does get easier and your coping strategies improve. CBeebies, selected DVDs, breadsticks, raisins & chalk all have become my coping mechanisms - chalk because no matter where DS1 draws, it can be washed/brushed off

long walks are also a life saver as no matter how hard they scream, it isnt as bad when you are out. I found toddler groups scary as I couldnt chase after DS1 and amuse DS2 at the same time.

hang in there.

[babycat]

I've read this thread with interest. Feeling a bit similar.

Have DD who is 2yrs & 9mths & DS who is 10 weeks. We all have colds at the moment & DD has a bad case of green-eyed monster when I'm dealing with DS. She can be lovely one minute and a little horror the next.

Haven't been out with DH, just as a couple, since before DD was born & now with DS, I know it's going to be a good while yet. Mind you he is so grumpy at the moment as he doesn't cope well with the lack of sleep so I'd rather go out by myself . Have rarely been out by myself in the last 3 years , apart from going to work!

My house is a tip too & I need to get it prepped to sell as we desperately need a bigger house as DS is in with us, which doesn't help things.

Looking forward to January when DD goes to nursery 2 mornings a week.

My sympathies to you. I guess we will have to keep repeating that Mumsnet mantra "this too will pass".

[BucketsOfBlood]

Can I just suggest something that may seem shocking but have you thought about booting DH out of the bedroom til the sleep improves? I did that with baby#3 and it was so much easier to get on when he was getting sleep and I was just worrying about my own lack of sleep. We also found it quite romantic, sneaking around sleeping kids and making the effort when alone together.

[BloodRedTulips]

When dd was 3 and ds1 was just about 20/22 months i suddenly seemed to have more breathing room which lasted until ds2 was born just after dd's 4th birthday.... am just about getting time for me now that he's 8 months, have started an OU course though so all that time is spent on that!

That being said i may just have become accustomed to the misery as atm all three kids have nasty coughs, i have mastitis, dd has a broken leg, the kids spend all day long whinging, whining, screaming and trying to concuss themselves and each other and this morning i had to scrape the pulverised remains of one of our kittens off the road before breakfast..... yet i still get course work done every day, am on the playschool committee and seem to have time to read books and watch tv and spend way too much time on MN

[neuroticlady]

LilianGish you're right, right now four sounds a lifetime away!!

Yesterday I had one of those rare days where I actually quite enjoyed the whole thing and I didn't resent not having five minutes to myself; plenty of places to go, baby slept at playgroup so I didn't feel torn between the needs of the pair of them, trip to the supermarket passed off without a meltdown...

I am definitely finding the days where I have nothing planned are the worst. This afternoon I took them out in the double buggy and it was pouring but it was still preferable to a long afternoon couped up in the house. I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window, trudging up the hill in horrid shapeless kagoul which was the only thing I had time to grab, wet hair stuck to head, and thought: I've turned into one of those frumpy frazzled women I used to see pre-children and, I'm ashamed to say now, look down my nose at.

But the advice to surrender to it is probably right; it is how it is for the forseeable future and fighting it only makes it harder.

Thank you for saying the rewards are (just about) round the corner!

Babycat, illness sucks, doesn't it. Hope everyone is feeling better (and getting more sleep) soon.

Did anyone see the feature in this month's Red magazine addressing the taboo about being happier pre-children? I love my babies, but uncomfortable reading for me...

[BucketsOfBlood]

Tesco Online! There's usually a code for free delivery on Mumsnet somewhere.

You're right about getting out, the days I spent indoors were the days I felt most tired and ready to quit come 4pm.

Try and get some new clothes for yourself though, even if it's just charity shop or Ebay, it will cheer you up. Stay away from jogging bottoms - surely nobody can feel attractive in them? Leggings under a dress/skirt with boots is ideal for this time of year - Legs are usually the bodypart to make the most of post-baby.