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Parenting

When will I start enjoying having 2 dc's?

53 replies

shish · 28/05/2009 20:31

I have ds1 2.11 years and ds2 9 weeks. I thought things might be more settled and enjoyable by now. I do have some reasonably good days, but I generally feel shattered - I feel like I am just runnning around demand feeding, toilet training, cooking, doing lots of laundry, etc. I feel like I'm not really getting chance, or don't even have the energy, to enjoy either of them at the moment.

Please tell me things will get better soon...

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shish · 12/06/2009 08:44

So about 3 and a half months to go then...

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psychomum5 · 11/06/2009 18:30

you will enjoy two when you have three......that is when you realise that two was lovely, and now you are in hell in a whole other parenting world.

seriousl tho, I started loving it when DD2 started to interact with the family and respond to her big sister.

I do know that by 6mths, I was completely in love with two, but at 3mths I was hating it.

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shish · 11/06/2009 18:25

That's a very long time to wait!!!!!

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Highlander · 11/06/2009 12:36

my DSs have the same age gap. Life was utter hell until DS2 walked (22 months).

Saying that, they are a laugh now (4.5 and 2.5) and have been since DS2 was 2, as they play really nicely together.

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ginnny · 11/06/2009 12:14

When they grow up and leave home !!!
Seriously I found it a lot easier when ds1 went to school and ds2 was about 6 months old.
Babies and toddlers are soooo demanding and time consuming and having both does take it out of you.
It really does get easier, but go easy on yourself until it does.

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nessus · 11/06/2009 12:10

I know it is not always viable but if possible having someone helping out with your older DC should take some of the heat off and allow you to focus on your newborn DC - is your Mom/MIL/Partner able to take on this role? Or maybe even a Mother's help.

My manager is on her 3rd DC and she said she started breathing easy after 4months so stick in there and don't be too hard on yourself x

p.s congrats on the new DC

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apostrophe · 08/06/2009 14:54

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missorinoco · 08/06/2009 14:47

just found your thread.

dc2 3 weeks. i will be grey by 4 weeks at this rate, but reading this has heartened me.

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shish · 02/06/2009 10:23

Accessorizequuen - you have a very similar age gap to what I have with my dc's. It seems that for the majority the turining point comes somewhere between 4 and 6 months. There is hope yet...

Cazzz - Luckily ds1 is in daycare as I was working before ds2 came along. if he wasn't I would definately be going insane. He craves the company of other children, which is what convinced us to have another dc. Ds1 is desperate to be able to play with ds2 - so am I!!

sazzlesA - That's exactly what I am wating for - Same mealtimes and bedtime (ds1 doesn't nap in the daytime anymore). And for the 2 dc's to be ably to play together.

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Gateau · 02/06/2009 09:49

This is an enlightening thread as, looking at people I know who have two young DCs, they all seem to be coping so well!
Which has scared me because I'm expecting my second DC in October, when DS will be 2.6 and I KNOW I will not cope as well as they seem to

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newmumof2 · 02/06/2009 09:00

hi shish it does get better, i do sympathise but hang in there honey, before you know it your ds2 will be 6 months old and like me you'll look at newborn babies and not remember your ds2 ever being that small!

i have a 2.5yr age gap with mine, first 3 months a blur

IT WILL GET BETTER and you will be sooo happy you have 2, please take each day as it comes, the grafting will pay off. i watched my 2 lying on their tummies on the playmat this morning whilst watching cbeebies it made my heart melt!

do you have a local leisure centre nearby with creche? my one takes babies from 6 weeks old! i put both dc's there when baby was 11 weeks, gave me that break to even just have a coffee and read a paper in the cafe...

xx

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WriggleJiggle · 02/06/2009 08:10

6 months was the break through for me, when dd2 could sit up on her own.

There was then a 'less difficult, but still very had' time until 18 months.

At 18 months and 3 yrs they are wonderful together.

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cazzzz · 02/06/2009 08:04

Hi

This all sounds so familiar. I'm glaad everyone is being honest about their experiences here.

My kids are now 8 and 5, but I found the first 2 years of my younger son's life really exhausting (and a blur).

Don't feel bad that everything is disorganised and a rush - this is normal.

A few tips:

  1. Shop online
  2. Get the baby into an outfit after the eveing bath, and then leave them in it for 24 hours (I used tops and soft trousers from Next so they look "dressed" but can sleep in it).
  3. Get the older child into decent childcare that lasts for a decent length of time (my older child did a morning or afternoon 4 days a week which gave me a break nearly every day).
  4. SImplify the rest of your life as much as you can - don't take on any voluntary roles, minimise frivolous things like Christmas cards etc. This is a phase and when you have done the preschool years, you will then have the rest of your life to do all these other things.


Good luck
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sprogger · 01/06/2009 21:48

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SazzlesA · 01/06/2009 21:44

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accessorizequeen · 01/06/2009 21:36

I absolutely agree about the 'thick as thieves' bit - I love seeing my two up to mischief in the garden together (they're 3 years apart exactly, ds1 5.5 and ds2 2.5). There's a photo of them on my profile when ds2 was about 4 months I think. ds1 used to get into his cot with him and they'd both giggle like maniacs. They still do and and now ds2 is the big brother now to the dt's who are 8 months.

I get a huge amount of joy from seeing my children interact with each other, it will come shish but you're not giving yourself much time!

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katiek123 · 01/06/2009 16:36

OP - the two kids with a two year gap thing almost bloody killed me. BUT the joy now of seeing them thick as thieves together, they are such pals - always up to something and enjoy each other SO much. the first two years were really, really tough (DD was v volatile so the toddler years would have been challenging even without a baby DS to factor into the equation). i am (now...) so glad to have two though. do not despair. it is quite simply the most challenging phase of most women's lives, the phase you are at right now. you are not alone in the way you feel and it will pass!

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SydneyB · 01/06/2009 15:22

6 months for me too. There are more good days than bad now and I love us being more of a family. Those first few weeks/months were definitely amongst the toughest of my life. I have a 22 month age gap so DD wasn't even 2 when DS came along. Now DS is 7/8 mths and DD is 2.5 I can honestly say that I am umm, enjoying it. Would never have thought I would say this a few months ago though. Definitely gets a lot lot better when the youngest one is sitting I would say as then you can leave them to it a lot more and the older one can play with them a little bit. In the meantime, Shish, just put one foot in front of the other and don't beat yourself up.

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shish · 01/06/2009 15:18

I don't mind the laundry and cooking. I just want to enjoy having 2 dc's cos I really enjoyed having 1. Although, I have to confess that it took around 4/5 months before I truly enjoyed ds1 - once he was on a proper routine with naptimes, bed times and meal times things got a lot easier and much more enjoyable. I think I'm hoping the same will happen again

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MakemineaGandT · 01/06/2009 14:48

6 months for me. Until then it was unrelenting hard work and I was exhausted. I gave myself all sorts of grief about not enjoying it but looking back I wish I had jsut got through it a day at a time and not thought too much about it. My youngest is now 18 months and it is great fun - there is still lots of laundry, cooking etc etc (I guess that will never change!) but life is a lot more fun

Go easy on yourself - you are doing a hard job!

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kayjayel · 01/06/2009 14:44

I just had to say the words 'no, DD can't do a handstand!' though, so should run down!

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kayjayel · 01/06/2009 14:44

Hi shish, sorry its so hard. Mine are a 3.10 and 11 mths and I find it very hard at times. What did help was trying to find a bit of each day that was a pleasure, not hoping for the whole thing to get better, but noticing a little spark in the day that compensated for the rest. And it got much better when I saw how much they love each other.

Today I am trying to remember that its good that only 1 of the 4 strops (over 3 hrs) turned into meltdown! Lower expectations help too! And having loads of strategies about how you manage things, cos with tiredness and two kids thinking on the stop usually gets a bit much. So if rewards are your thing, or the 'how to talk' book etc. And much distraction.

Seeing DS (older) playing and helping DD try to walk, and eat, is just the biggest delight ever, and so worth it all.

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shish · 01/06/2009 14:25

Bump

Does anyone else have some positive stories/ tips?

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shish · 31/05/2009 20:10

We do all that and he loves his baby brother - he's so proud of him. It's just he is very stubborn by nature.

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ellasmum1 · 31/05/2009 12:38

Just get through one day at a time and don't beat yourself up about not enjoying it- your ds1 will act up terribly at first- make sure you are just as firm with him(if not firmer) when hes being naughty as you were before ds2. He'll feel more secure if his boundaries are clearly set out for him! He'll settle down in a few more months.
Its hard because you probably feel guilty (i did) about having the new baby but that will die down soon.
Just give him lots of kisses/cuddles and praise him alot about being a great big brother etc too.

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