calling all parents of teenagers-wwyd?

[sleeplessinstretford]

my dearest eldest daughter is 14 and a half,she goes to woodcraft and they were off on a camping trip this weekend-i was worried about it because it's a mixed group of teenagers and well,you know what they're like.
There were 3 rules before going-girls stay in their rooms and boys in theirs, everyone to do chores and everyone to join in-showed daughter this and she agreed to abide by the rules-with punishment being 'parents called/kids collected' if they were broken.
We thought we should make a point about booze/fags before she went so i said that the organiser had called me to ask permission to search bags and that i had given my consent to this-therefore if she had anything she shouldn't have she should ditch it before leaving.
She's ordinarily a good kid-saturday morning i get a phone call from the organiser to say that my darling daughter was found in the boys room-they weren't doing anything and it was her and one other girl caught in there talking. I went mental down the phone at the child and said that's it-grounded FOREVER.
anyway,she rings me and says the reason that she was in the boys room is that the 2 other kids in her room had puked all over ther place (after drinking a bottle of gin between them) and crashed out-my daughter hadn't been drinking but did have all her clothes puked all over- what punishment would you give for the rule breaking (despite the fact we can see it's justified) she's got exams next month and so grounding is a bit of a shit one as she's not allowed out now until after then?
sorry it's long but we're not sure what to do with this one...

[solidgoldSneezeLikeApig]

Oh FFS what is this emphasis on punishing for perfecgtly reasonable behaviour? TBH SIS I would be more inclined to think she merits at least a bollocking for pinching your clothes rather than for 'going to the boys' dormitory'. You see, that'rule' is just outdated, sexist crap which promotes harmful attitudes anyway. Pinching your stuff on the other hand, is selfish and thoughtluss

[sleeplessinstretford]

i know, the little swine- why she'd steal my bloody clothes when she could fit three times into them...maybe she likes the bet lynch look... and as for my fucking boots-in a field...and some shitting £50 flipflops as shower shoes...

[Ivykaty44]

Now taking my stuff - thats different its stealing as to borrow you must ask for a loan.

My neigbour has now resorted to fines for taking stuff without asking - make-up, clothes etc.

[sleeplessinstretford]

i don't really mind her borrowing my gear-as long as it's not a)camped in b)puked on c)something that's likely to run out-t'other week i liberated all my decent moisturisers/face primers/beauty products from her room- i wouldn't mind if she used them properly but using my really dear gear under orange connie carol panstick make up really does get my goat-ditto,drowning herself in jo malone for bloody school...

[lou33]

i'd punish her for taking the stuff without permission but not for the dorm thing

[seeker]

So the leaders don't know about the alcohol and the puking?

The girls cleaned up so well that there was no evidence?

They were perfectly able to get on with normal activities the next day?

I am the mother of a 13 year old - I would be about the whole thing. Sorry.

[sleeplessinstretford]

my kid and the other one cleaned up.
there was further puking on the next night that was discovered (but this time it was the boys)
i think they were outdoors all day the next day and they'd have been expected to be tired-i don't really doubt my daughter on this one.I am not saying she's perfect by a long shot but i do know at the moment what she's capable of- i am sure things'll move on in the not to distant future but at the moment she is reasonably sensible when i know her mates aren't being (ie-we've collected her from places where her mates are slightly pie eyed and she's not-we've done this on chance as well and as yet has always been sober and where she said she'd be when she said she'd be there.i think you have to trust them until they screw up.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Sorry but lolling at your daughter nicking all your clothes. My dd (13) does it all the time, when she went skiing with her school for easter she nicked my new, never been worn underwear, loads of my tops (I haven't got enough layers, mum) and to top the lot all 6 of my mini-bottles of Molton Brown goodies plus the make-up bag they came in. Good job she was hundreds of miles away when I found out they had gone

To be honest, i wouldn't punish her for what sounds like a very mild misdemeanour. I do think it's a bid odd that the trip organisers are more worried about boys and girls in each others rooms than a couple of girls getting completely trollied. Are the organisers telling the parents of the drunk kids what they did (sorry if I have missed this). Beacuse the parents certainly need to know, especially if you have been told about your daughter being in the boys room.

I would not punish her about this, but think you should have words about her nicking your stuff. Or, do as I did, nick her clothes. I wouldn't be seen dead in half my daughter's clothes, but I did wear her jeans a couple of weekends back and very comfy they were too. However I do realise now that I have probably started a whole clothes war.

[seeker]

Then I would be incandescent with the leaders. If this happened when my dd was at Scout Camp I would be in there with all guns blazing.

[sleeplessinstretford]

daughter is a size 6 and five foot ten-if i stole 2 pairs of her jeans-cut them up,added a bit of fabric along the seams and then stitched them both together i'd almost be able to squeeze into them...

when i asked the leaders if mine had been drinking they said she hadn't-i said that i'd told her i'd signed off permission for a bag search the pair of them went 'yes,a bag search might have been a good idea..'
thing is,they are parents of kids the same age as mine and a bit 'dippy' they are learning as they go-this is the first time they had voluntarily taken a group of 14/15 year olds away-suspect it might have been the last as well...

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Agree with seeker would be livid that any of the kids got pissed, and certainly would be at the fact that they seem more concerned about boys and girls in each others rooms than the fact some of them had hard liquor in their bags.

[sleeplessinstretford]

i genuinely think they just hadn't thought of it. If i'd been going then jesus that'd have been the first thing on my mind.
you live and learn- i think i'll mention it to the other mums but to be honest-we were all away not last new year the one before and the two kids in question downed a bottle of cava each (brought by their parents to celebrate NY)
i was a bit at that but at the end of the day they are their kids and shrugs we all do stuff differently.

[seeker]

I never thought I'd say this - (I'm of the risks are good for children for heaven's sake it's only a broken leg school of parenting, but I really don't think I'd let my child go away with an organization that hadn't thought of this - or who, as others have said were more concerned about a girl innocently in the boy's dorm than about kids drinking gin and getting rat arsed while in their care.

[sleeplessinstretford]

if i had known they were so clueless then i probably wouldn't have let her go myself.
they've led camps before and know what they are doing with risk assessed walks etc. they clearly need bringing up to speed on teenagers-although i think this weekend would have done quite a lot of this already.
Do you think it's my fault for letting her go? i am not really arsed if you do like

[Fennel]

You really should tell the leaders. woodcraft has strict rules about alcohol (as you'd expect, it has to) and if they really didn't know about this (assuming it's true), then you should tell them.

I run a woodcraft folk group, younger age group but we go to camp with the teenagers. the leaders shouldn't be that clueless, but if they are, you should make a fuss.

[MadameCastafiore]

Lauriefairycake the other children's welfare was not her responsibility so she should not be grounded for that surely.

If the teachers knew the other girls had alcohol it was their responsibility to keep and eye on them.