Please help - just had HORRENDOUS bathtime (hair washing) we are all traumatised

[blissieblue]

Both DS's (18 months and 3.6) hate having their hair washed. I hardly ever do it for this reason but they're having their photo taken tomorrow and it was looking a bit yucky. DS2 I managed without too much upset by wrapping him in a towel and holding him across my knee, over the bath and then washing hair being very careful not to let any water / soap on his face.

DS1 bigger and a lot stronger. We tried sweet talking him in to it (worked a few months ago and he was completely happy having it washed for a while) but then we decided force was necessary. Tried same tactic as with DS2 but ended up with bathroom floor flooded, shower screen half kicked to bits, DS2 frightened and sobbing his heart out and DH and I shaken and feeling like very bad parents indeed.

It was a disaster and not how it should have been handled but I'm at a loss. I don't have the energy and patience to negotiate endlessly with a 3 year old just so we can get basic tasks done (it's not just hair washing...)

[herbgarden]

second (or third) the lying down in shallow bath. DS has thick hair so the flannel method not that great. We've just moved and have a bath with handles and he now hangs on,leans back into the shallow water which comes just up to his ears. he's still not keen on the shampoo but at least it's better than no hairwash at all.

[iliketosleep]

My mum always used to tell me incy wincy spider was on the ceiling waving at me and he was wearing a hat/coat etc etc just to dress it up a bit and make it more intersting. I never saw him but my hair was washed without a fuss!!

I used the same tactic with my dc's and it worked a treat just always make sure no water trickles down into their eyes or that will scare the bejesus out of them and incy wincy spider will never work again!

I was also told there was a plug hole man that drank all the water and if i didnt get out of the bath quick he would swallow me too.

I saw him, he was made of chocolate and was wearing a flourescent workmans jacket

[edam]

We did the getting ds to lie down in the bath and hold his own (dry) flannel to dab his eyes or ears if they got wet. Made such a difference.

Now we've moved on a stage and he'll let me do it with the shower attachment while he tips his head back. He's realised it's much faster.

He's five now and, if he's in the mood, he does the lying back thing all on his own. Reverse psychology worked, leaving the room to get a towel and saying 'now, I really don't want to come back and see you with clean hair. Do NOT wash your hair'.

[LollipopViolet]

I used to hate it too. My bad sight means I hate ANY liquid in my eyes, and when I was younger it was awful. I think I just grew out of it but I'm not sure.

[branflake81]

We don't have a bath so have always had to wash the kids' hair in the shower. When they were little, we used to pretend we were going swimming, get our costumes, goggles (and even armbands!) on and that made it more into a fun game. It means you have to get wet too but it's a small price to pay.

[pollywollywoowah]

Just wanted to add that we've found hair washing much easier with DS (18mths) since we started using Johnsons Easy Rinse Shampoo Foam (or something like that). Much easier to rinse out than normal shampoo so even if it is traumatic the whole experience is short lived.

Smells yum too and IIRC it was only about 70p in Tesco.

[amess]

In my experience it gets better by the time they are about 7.

[saltire]

When DS1 was younger, hair washing was a trauma. It would involve DH and I strippin down to our underwear, DH hold8ing DS1 under his arm, and me washing it, we would be soaked, DS1 was stressed, the bathroom was like Baghdad. On more than one occasion we had the neighbours at the door as he would scream the place down. As he got older and bigger it got more difficult to hold him. We then got him to lie back int eh bath water, we would shampoo his head then use clean water int eh sink and a cup to rinse it off.Now, he tips his head back int eh shower and has a facecloth over his face, he is 10.5 years though and I currently have to wahs it as he is holding cloth over his face, but there will come a time int eh not to distant future when obviously I won't cna wahs it,

[SixSpotBonfire]

I do DS3's hair with a flannel - kind of a speeded-up version of how tissy describes!

If it is any consolation, both of my older DSs used to hate hairwash too, but once they started swimming lessons and got used to water on their faces, they were fine about hairwash and now (aged 9 and 7) they wash their own hair quite competently.

[milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo]

Oh we had this now I do it when I am in the bath with DD and we bought a special shampoo-ing jug from Mothercare which prevents the shampoo from getting in her eyes. I also let her do mine and we wash dollies hair too

[taliac]

Sometimes we all get in together and DD "does" me first - ie, water over head "close eyes now mummy", shampoo rubbed in, "rinse now!"..

Then and only then am I allowed to wash hers.

The interesting thing about it is that its really not very nice having someone (esp a toddler with bad aim) pouring water over your head, so it always gives me more sympathy with her dislike of it..

[Firway]

Sounds like a traumatic time for all. You probably won't like this idea but when my 2 year old started to scream and fuss when it was hair washing night, I changed tactics. I washed her hair every single night of the week and by the end of the week she had accepted it. It was a struggle for about three or four days and took a lot of courage and energy but worth it in the end.

[Morloth]

Cut it really really short and then not bother? This was my solution, he goes swimming and stuff so it gets cleaned - also these days he prefers a shower to a bath so it kinda gets wet then.

[nooka]

The only other thought to hang on to is that they do grow out of the bath time terrors. My two at nine and eight can now just be told to go and have a shower/bath, and the only checking I have to do is to make sure there aren't too many puddles (especially if they have left their clothes lying around on the bathroom floor). I can't remember all the transitions, but first they started to enjoy the shower (we did have one big enough for two people, which helped), then I could stand outside with soap, shampoo etc, and now I don't even have to be in the room.

[specialmagiclady]

We do sticky up hair with the shampoo on, and looking in the mirror so there's at least some fun stuff in the middle.

Also, regular hair wash night. Every Sunday in our house. You could even start by washing every day for a bit so they're used to it, then cut down gradually to a more acceptable level.

[fymandbean]

ah hah this is it www.amazon.co.uk/Clippasafe-CL201-Shampoo-Shield/dp/B000G1TDNI?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

also this www.amazon.co.uk/Beautiful-Beginnings-Shampoo-Shield/dp/B000NCBS9C/ref=pd_bxgy_by_img_b/203-2870456-?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 5010320

[feedthegoat]

Oh dear I've been there too. Pouring a jug of water on my lathered up DS when I'd reached end of tether is my most guilt inducing parenting moment and i still cringe thinking about it. i tried most of these tactics. goggles and shampoo ring were ripped off. Towels were flung and the shampoo rinsing jug didn't work either. Neither did getting in the bath with him. Eventually after many months he now makes a game out of covering his own eyes and gets a sticker. Is so pleased with himself he sometimes asks to have it washed. I never thought I'd see the day! Using shower helped too because he felt grown up.

[robbierotten]

Message withdrawn

[blissieblue]

Hazeyjane - same thing going on in our house! DS1 terrifying DS2 and making them both awful. They both have short'ish hair and we get away with infrequent hair washing but sometimes it just has to be done.
Lots of ideas here - will try them all
Thank you

[hazeyjane]

We have tried the flannel thing with dd, but she gets so freaked out if we even get near her hair, that even that sends her kicking and screaming out of the bath, which is pretty scary for her 16 month old sister who she shares a bath with. We even have to do dd2s hair (which is short, and which we do using the flannel method) when dd1 is out of the room, because it upsets her so much and she thinks we will wash hers next.

Maybe short is the way to go, I hate that every time we have to wash it, it just makes bathtimes more scary for her.

Sorry if i hijacked your thread a bit blissieblue, but it's nice to know its not just our dd!

[rosiejoy]

aha, a few posts occurred whilst i was typing! dwayne dibbley put it a lot better than me too! ideas for you to try though, you have my sympathies, i have major guilt every time i have to attack ds nose with a tissue!

[trumpetgirl]

I had problems with DD when she was younger. I was always under the impression that she was worried about water getting in her eyes, but it turned out that she didn't like the feeling of water being in her ears... which I hadn't even considered!
Now she puts her fingers in her ears and all is well!

[rosiejoy]

we do it the same way as tissy and never had any problems. to rinse i get ds to lie back in the bath so you actually only need to use the flannel on a small bit of the head then. so far its worked for us because he trusts me to be quick and gentle- as im wiping the shampoo out i point out to him that im being gentle, 'nearly done' etc. maybe you could try this with your younger child first whilst the older one watches? then when he sees what youre going to do and that its really ok maybe he will be more relaxed about it? ds has his hair fairly short though so does make it easier, and dd is only 9months so not masses of hair yet....how long do your dcs have their hair? if its quite short really doesnt need a lot of attention imo

[nooka]

I'd get her hair cut too. dd had longish hair and we were always getting into fights about brushing it (she was OK with washing). Then she made friends with someone with short hair, and decided to have a bob. It looks very pretty now, and it's so much easier to care for, so it looks nicer for longer (it has this amazing capacity to turn into a haystack!) We have told her she can only grow it when she is old enough to look after it properly on her own.

OP you may find it easier if you use the flannel method, and do it pretty much every bath time. We used to use one of those all over bath washes, and clean their hair at the same time as everything else, which made the hair less traumatic, as it wasn't a special event. It may only work for fine hair though. It helps to be very matter of fact about it. ds used to tantrum like that about getting into the bath (and occasionally also if we said he couldn't have a bath ). Very exhausting all round. I hoe it gets better for you.