How to say no if a stranger wants to hold your baby?

[kellyannlondon]

I was at my husband's rugby club at the weekend and was feeding my ds his bottle. This woman who I had never met before and was with the opposition so nothing to do with our club suddenly came over and said "can I hold him?"

I was a bit taken back that firstly she was a stranger and secondly I was in the middle of feeding him. I said (a bit stroppily tbh) "I'm in the middle of feeding him" She just then stood there for a while which was putting ds off and eventually she walked off.

It made me think though, that if he hadn't been feeding, how I could have said no as I sometimes feel akward in these situations.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social and have no problem with people coming over and doing the whole "they're cute/how old/what's their name" etc but am just not really keen for strangers to hold my baby.

[Pinkglow]

"The funniest bit was she picked up a tiny dress and held it up against her for the photo." that is really funny

[amidaiwish]

when DD2 was a few weeks old i was out shopping in kingston with DD1 in tow. An arabic lady in full dress came over to the pram and tried to pick DD2 up. I ran to the pram protectively, obviously, and she said "oh please, please let me hold her". I just said "no" firmly. Her face fell. The lady's daughter came running over and said "sorry, sorry" and dragged her away.

At the time i was a bit shocked. later i felt a bit bad. I'm sure she just wanted a cuddle (DD2 had lots of very very dark, straight, shiny hair and i had many Asian people coo over her).

[ninedragons]

I believe it is also Chinese tradition that mother and baby don't leave the house until the baby is 100 days old, so when DD was very small people would go absolutely beserk with excitement about seeing such a tiny baby.

Then they would bollock me and DH for taking her out in the snow.

[ninedragons]

The one-child policy is definitely an element - you just don't see many babies around at all.

It's also because she is very pale and has big round eyes. I am always being told she looks like a wa-wa (doll). And white babies are very rare; there aren't all that many expats here, and those with young children tend to live in big villa compounds out near the airport. We are in the heart of the downtown area, and DD is the only foreign baby for miles.

A lot of expats also go home to have their babies but DD was born here. You see a lot more foreign toddlers and pre-schoolers around than babies.

[AnnVan]

lol at that RUby. bit at the presumption of a virtual stranger thinking you would let her feed your baby though! (even if the boob thing were not an obstacle that is)

[AnnVan]

I may be going out on a complete limb here, but could the reaction of Chinese people to babies perhaps be a reflection on/result of the one child policy?? I mean, if each family can only have one child, there'd be lots of reasons adults might get very cooey over any baby they see?? (Of course I could be completely wrong)

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

Shaps that happened to me too. I was in a lift in debenhams, DD was about 4 weeks old and a youngish chinese couple were cooing over her.

About 5 minutes later they came up to us as I was browsing and asked me if they could take a picture of the woman holding her. I said okay but thought it very odd. The funniest bit was she picked up a tiny dress and held it up against her for the photo.

[ninedragons]

Oops, and so is LollipopViolet

[ninedragons]

You are my new best friend, Cyteen!

[frasersmummy]

I have offered to helo struggling mums off a bus a few times..

but its always the buggy I offer to carry... I think it leaves the mum very vurnerable if she has her hands full with bugy toddler shopping etc and some unknown person has her precious child

[LollipopViolet]

I offer to help mums with buggies and stuff, but I always make it a general offer of help, and then if they were to accept, they could tell me what they'd like me to do. I don't ask to hold random babies (although they are soooo sweet!) but when I was 6 or 7 and a friend/relative had a baby and we went to visit, I would ask!

(I thought joining here, learning how much hard work kids were, would stop me being broody. It hasn't worked! Ninedragons your little girl is gorgeous!)

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

depends on the situation but I personally would never ask to hold a stranger's baby (I ask permission from friends and family before I hold their babies), no matter how much my arms were aching to hold a newborn when we had our 12 week scan and knew everything was ok...I've offered to help mums struggling with buggies and babies but have always offered to take the buggy because I wouldn't want to put a mum in a position where she has to say no or is worried about the safety of her child

Sorry but when you read stuff in the papers about people trying to snatch babies out of prams I'm not comfortable with somebody I don't know holding my baby - but once it arrives I will probably be horribly british and let them anyway at the fear of looking impolite, ridiculous innit?

[Pinkglow]

I met one of my dads friends the other day and she asked if she could book my baby in for a cuddle (I have 9 weeks left to go)

I thought it was quite sweet for her to ask like that, shes about 70 bless her

I think it depends on the circumstances doesnt it, Im not one to coo over babies in the street but my DHs gran will esp if im with her. ppl just love babies dont they

[Geepers]

I got petrol at a service station last year when my daughter was a few months old. Not sure why I took her in with me actually, I usually leave them in the car (a whole 'nother debate!) but perhaps I had used the loo or something as well....

Anyway, I went in to pay and the guy behind the counter asked me if he could hold her. I didn't really know what to say, but am a bit feeble so passed her over. He looked sooooo delighted and happy. He cooed to her and rocked her in his arms then before he passed her back he planted a huge kiss on her forehead and thanked me and told me how lucky I was.

I felt a bit uneasy at first but it really made his day so I am glad I did it. My daughter was none the worse for wear so no harm done.

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

I had this at a friends house one time. He had a new girlfriend who I had never met before. My DD was about 8 weeks old. She asked if she could have a hold which I agreed to. She then proceeded to walk around the entire house with my daughter whilst I was left wondering what the hell she was doing. I didn't like this at all.

[cyteen]

ninedragons, your little girl is beautiful!

[AnnVan]

I find the idea of asking to hold a stranger's baby quite bizarre. I would never go up to a person I don't know and ask to hold their baby.
Then again, I'm not even a person who stops and coos at babies. Even now I'm pregnant, I still don't find myself doing this. My sister had to MAKE me hold my niece even, (I was a little scared of dropping her tbh ) So I guess, this is just the way I am, some people are different. Don't know how I'd react if someone asks to hold my LO (when it arrives )

[ChairmumMiaow]

Depends who it is. I use the local oldies bus to get my shopping home, and most of the regulars like to tickle DS's chin/cheek etc, which I don't mind because they're lovely when I've got lots of stuff to get on the tiny bus.

It used to really bug me that, particularly in the sling, people felt it was ok to touch my precious son. Sometimes it still does (I would walk away if someone was smoking or stank of smoke for example)

I also got my sling in a mess one day in a cafe, and the highchair DS had just come out of was a right mess, so he wasn't going back in there. An old lady watched me struggle and offered to hold DS, which was extremely helpful. (She also said he seemed quite advanced for 7mo, having watched him eat some of my tuna mayo baguette, and some cucumber sticks kindly provided by the cafe, which made me beam!)

But to answer your actual question, I think the "I'm sorry he's sicky/grumpy/tired/in a mood today" answer is your best bet. Nobody else (except their Daddy) has a right to hold your baby, so if you're not happy, don't let them!

[Bumperlicious]

A strange bloke in the dr's waiting room asked to hold dd when she was a few months old. I just said "no she doesn't like being held by strangers". I mean it's the dr's waiting room, lord knows what he was there for!

[ninedragons]

"I'm terribly sorry, she's really pukey today" with a big polite smile. Then turn the baby to face the person asking and wave her hand or whatever.

I don't mind people touching DD's legs or feet while she's in her pushchair but I don't want her being picked up all the time so I always have her strapped in firmly (see pic on profile for the level of attention she gets here). I have become pretty good at sliding myself genially but firmly between DD and people with suspect hygiene or cigarettes in their hands or whatever.

[BouncingTurtle]

You see both before and after ds was born, I never ask to hold someone's baby - I always wait to be offered, even if it's a friend or a relative!
And I'm always happy to offer people who coo over him a chance for a cuddle. But I prefer to offer and not to be asked.
I think I am more relaxed about it now he is older (8mo) but when he was tiny I would not want him to be held by a complete stranger. Friends, family, neighbours, the mums in the M&B groups, the window cleaner, and the receptionist in the local swimming baths, yes, but not a total stranger
I think it is totally reasonable not to want strangers holding your baby.
Of course you could always say he needs a nappy change

[seeker]

No I really didn't mind people holding my babies -what harm could it do? And I'm always offering to hold other people's while they struggle with older children, pushchairs,steps, icecreams and other hazards. They almost always say yes and seem grateful. I am half Italian though, so maybe it's genetic!