It is ok to tell other people's children not to do things. Discuss.

[lingle]

Well, is it?

I think it is ok and also important that any adult should feel able to tell any child to stop doing anything that is unsafe for themselves or others. A nice boy of 3 at our party was pushing others on the bouncy castle. His mother wasn't there.
I told him to stop pushing. He looked at me in complete confusion and said "you're not my mummy" then carried on pushing. Even at 3, he'd learnt, wrongly, that he answered to no-one except his own parents.

[paolosgirl]

I wouldn't say "how bloody dare you" but if they weren't doing anything to hurt someone, damage property or anything antisocial, then I'm afraid I would take the attitude that she would have to accept that not everyone does as she would like.

Horses for courses though..

[lingle]

I'm identifying with Snowleapard and the poor embarrassed nursery nurse story.

I'm ashamed to say that in order to encourage tantrumy DS2 to sit at table, I'd allowed him to have "his own place" there. My retired neighbour sat in "his" seat one day and he shrieked. I explained, expecting her to move . She said politely, "I see", remained motionless and gave DS2 a look that was priceless. I'm so grateful to her for not moving. The truth is, we are sometimes so desperate for a quiet life and so keen to be the child's advocate that we are not always the best judges...

[stealthsquiggle]

at the abuse, Serenity!

I would be incredibly embarassed and apologetic if my DC were ever sufficiently out of control for shop staff to have to tell them off but I certainly wouldn't blame the staff if it did happen. I do know this is not the norm, though, as on a couple of occasions staff in shops have commented (positively) when I have told DS off for running around/ touching things / being noisy.

As for the OP - I agree, it is very sad that a 3yo has learned that they answer to no-one but their parents. It is likely to make it a lot harder for them to adjust to the variety of 'authority figures' they will inevitably encounter as they get older.

[SqueakyPop]

Yes, of course it's OK. You don't want him to be an ASBO waiting to happen.

[serenity]

Oh thanks for the support

I should point out that I've never actually told a child off (if I did that i might as well put a sign on my head that says 'abuse me now') I just ask them nicely to stop standing on a wobbly 4ft pile of rugs/using the trolleys as skateboards/playing ninja sword warriors with 6 ft curtain poles/ripping all the packaging on the curtains open (oh no, that's the parents....)

[muckypups]

I dont mind people telling my children off as long as they are definatley in the wrong. They tend to take more notice if someone else points out there bad behaviour.

i walked into park today and before id even popped my picnic bag down a young lad of around 4 pushed over my two year old.

i walked right up to him, got down to his level and said ' please dont push other children, it isnt nice'

his mum gave me evils as she left. He was a right brat though, i kept my eye on him after that (like you do )

[IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast]

We took teeny 1yo DS to soft play this morning, and while he and another even tinier girl were staring at each other across the under 2s ball pool a great lanky child of at least 3 came thundering into the babies section and launched himself through the air into the middle of the balls. He then started crashing around and generally being a hazardous PITA. I was just about to catch DP's eye and remove DS from the pool when the little girl's mum just said "This is for babies. You're too big". Off he went.

Sadly he returned after she'd left and started causing havoc again. No idea where his guardian was (I know it's OK to pretty much abandon them in these places but I'd have been inclined to keep half an eye on what such an ebullient character was up to) but I think it would have done him no harm to get a firm talking to from anyone really.

I must get better at dealing with these sorts of situations.