visiting relatives with children - need advice

[scottishmum007]

We have invited bro and sis-in-law over with their 2 DCs (15mo and 2yo) for lunch later this week, but it turns out they can't because apparently DC both nap at this time, so they can't visit people.
I suggested another time, but on the phone we were told that it would actually be easier if we go to them for lunch so that they can co-ordinate their DCs naps. ehh???? They have never visited us, we always have to make the effort to see them...
Now is it just me being a cruel parent, where I have to sometimes leave the house to get bare essentials to eat from a supermarket when DH is at work, and drag my DS out with me sometimes when he should be having a nap? He usually has a nap in the car if we're out or he'll make up for it later on in the day. Which I thought most parents do with their baby/toddler.
I'm really taken aback by their attitude. Now just to point out clearly that I have no objections to people having different parenting methods, but surely for ONE afternoon they could bring their kids out to visit their relatives??? Will it really be detrimental to their wellbeing to miss one nap??
Please can I have some opinions on this.

I absolutely agree that scheduling your life around your children's nap times is ridiculous.

I also have a two-year-old who is vile tempered and awful to be around if she's not had enough sleep. There would be little point arranging to see someone if it meant she'd be there without having had enough sleep as she'd dominate the day, screaming, hitting, pushing, kicking and generally ruining it for everyone (or I would be shut away with her trying to deal with her while everyone else politely pretended they couldn't hear us). She wasn't always like this.

I sometimes find it very hard to reconcile my theoretical parenting beliefs with the reality of my daughter.

broccolispears, their two kids are quiet, they are v shy so and they aren't wild when we have visited them. so that kind of theory wouldn't work for them.

kids can be hard work, but making the effort sometimes won't kill us.

It muist be a bit of a nightmare coordinating two so close together

You ARE over-reacting about this

It won't be like this forever: in a year they will have out-grown their naps and she won't be so stressed all the time

her DH doesn't work (on the dole), so they are both at home full time, morningpaper. if she had the two of them to deal with on her own i could understand how stressful thatmay be.