confidence as a mum shattered in a week

[bubbly1973]

has anyone else felt like this, or am i the only one

i am feeling down and now feel like there was a reason why i couldnt conceive naturally, even though i conceived through fertility treatment, i now feel like someone up there is trying to say i couldnt get pregnant because i am not capable of looking after my boy

he is 2years7mths old..and in a space of a week 4 incidents have happened that have left me feeling very bad

first was when i was shutting my door i jammed his finger in it badly
second was on sunday night, it was dark in the room and i poked his eye with my nail, i swear i heard/felt the squelch
and this is the bit that still gets me all knotted up and i feel annoyed at myself for being so stupid..
i was helping nextdoor with her sons party and ds was happily playing away, i kept checking him, then when i went to check again he wasnt there, he had gone into the garden (the door was open) round to the side, and was on his way out!! its a busy road, if he had gone through the front garden and out..well i dread to think..luckily i got to him in time
then last night, just before bedtime i was having a game of football with him and he went to pick it up and really bashed his head by the eyebrow really hard, i can still hear the noise of it now, he got a black eye today and its swollen.
rang nhs helpline they were great, took him to mil's house to get 2nd opinion on eye, he didnt go to bed til 9..

so you see im feeling very down, keep thinking of 'what if he ran right out' and i was just wondering if im the only mother who feels like not being capable of looking after a child...

in toddler group, im sure if i mentioned it, not many mothers will admit to anything bad that they have done in fear of looking like bad mums on here people open up

i always lurk these boards and the advice or experience you share with each other is fantastic, so am turning to you

if you have read this far, thanks,..maybe im going through a bad week and its unfortunate this has happened in a space of 7 days...i love my boy very much, and just want to be a good mum and keep him safe

[bubbly1973]

okay since morningpaper has admitted it, i have to put my hand up and say i visioned the wheely bin incident and giggled, (feeling bad for giggling at your daughters misfortune afterwards clayhead )

its just the sort of thing i would accidentally do to ds

[Clayhead]

Yes, I thought it was quite funny but dd emphatically did not...[guilty face for laughing at daughter's disress]!!

[morningpaper]

LOl at the wheelybin! (sorry!)

Oh and I've dropped TWO cups of tea on my daughter, second time resulting in trip to casualty and many phone calls from the Health Visitor.

[toomanypushchairs]

Glad you've had a better day, things always happen all at once. You should see what goes on in our house. Have older dd and ds to add to the awful things i manage to do to my dt. dd opened babygate on one of their heads only this evening, scratch and bruise followed. When my dd was 3yrs she managed to fall downstairs and break her collar bone and 3 months later trip over the babygate(another babygate accident) bang into the wall and break her wrist. I was sure the hospital were going to send round social services, particularly when my health visitor told me she had been informed by the hospital. She said it was routine!

[Blu]

[marj]

Glad you have had a better day today!
When ds was smaller I didnt realise he was standing behind me. I turned round and whacked him into the door frame leaving him with a great big lump and a bruise on his forehead.
Felt guilty for days afterwards, but as I have also seen off this thread it happens to everyone!
You are very caring and are obviously a good mum to your ds.

[bubbly1973]

ive had a much better day today..(no accidents either!!) and i was really surprised at how great everyone was in toddler group!! the woman incharge of the group has fostered 68 children in her time and she told me a lot of things that she has done, and like she pointed out, if she was a bad person they wouldnt have let her foster all these children.

im still a little nervous when he runs or gets rough when playing but i think thats me being overprotective for a while

but i feel heaps better, not down like i have been this past couple of days.

now i know how my mother feels, now i appreciate everything even more and even now i know she worries about me....ahhh i got all that to come for the rest of my life..but i wouldnt change a thing

[Nimme]

Bubbly - hope you've had a better day today.

FWIW - DD1 fell of changing table when 7 months when I turned my back. Quite a big bruise on forehead. Was doing photos that day - a bit of concealer did it. Felt very guilty though and very worried about her falling asleep so I couldn't keep an eye on her...

DD2 - so far banged her head on table.

My friend's son stuck his fingers in the toaster.

My mother's friend forgot her son in a shop.

It happens to all of us. Draw a line and get on with enjoying your son.

[HunkerMunker]

Hun, don't fret. You're a super mum and your DS is having childhood accidents - it happens. I too conceived through fertility treatment but I don't think it's because I wasn't meant to be a mum - it's because I was meant to be. Please take the fact you have him as a huge sign that you can do it. Big hugs to you and really don't dwell on what ifs - they're no help to anyone. The fact is, he didn't run in the road, just cuddle him and don't think about what could've happened.

[WigWamBam]

When my dd was 6 months old, someone asked me if I'd dropped her on her head yet. I must have looked aghast, because he laughed and said "Because you will, you know - it's just that most people don't own up to it". And he was right - accidents do happen, and all we can do is be grateful when they don't cause major damage, and be a bit more careful next time.

You have to forgive yourself for not being a perfect mother, because there's no such thing as a perfect mother. "Good enough" is good enough.

[Clayhead]

My dd broke her leg at 2 1/2 by falling down a single step whilst I was stood right next to her, I felt so guilty that I didn't stop her.

Today, she leant out to the side whilst on the buggy board and I managed to smack her head on a wheely bin. More guilt...

Just 2 examples of many, you really are not the only one!

[Dalesgirl]

Greetings

I love all these tales, it shows how crazy parenting really is! My kid was 2 when he got chickenpox. I took him to the doctor, he felt so rotten and he was such a trooper..and what did I do to reward his bravery? Smash his head on the corner of the car door as I struggled to get him into his car seat for the journey home. So off I went with a spotty and now bleeding child back into the surgery from whence we had come...the doctor was only mildly amused. I felt bad for ages, especially as his little eyebrow bruised up and got blacker....I spent a lot of time in the toy shop absolving my guilt.

[morningpaper]

Oh don't feel bad, this is all NORMAL.

Lsat week DH fell down a FULL FLIGHT OF STAIRS while holding dd - she had a massive bump where they banged heads.

Then a couple of days later I was carrying her in my arms like a baby and SMACKED her head against the doorframe.

Tonight DH poked her in the eye and then as he went to say sorry whacked her head and knocked her over.

I have just cut all my finger nails because she keeps screaming that I've scratched her.

All in a day's work!

[Mirage]

You are a good mum-you wouldn't be so worried if you weren't.

It sounds like you've had one of those weeks.It happens to ALL of us & people are lying if they say it doesn't!

My dd fell down the stairs a little while back,it was my fault as I usually walk behind her to stop her tumbling over,but she was dawdling & turning around to look at dh & fell down about 7 stairs.I was next to her,but didn't react quickly enough to stop her falling.She seemed fine but we still ended up in A&E as I was terrified that she'd damaged something that wasn't visible.

After this happened,my mum told me that it had happened to me when I was a baby too & everyone who I mentioned it to said that their child had done something similar.

If it makes you feel better,between me & my sister & 3 cousins we,
fell down stairs
cut head after falling against a hearth,
Cut under eye after breaking a tea cup,
Split front tooth in 2 after falling over,
Drank home perming lotion
Walked into a barbed wire fence,
Fell off the back of a moving trailer,
Fell in a huge nettle patch
Fell into the brook more times than I can remember.
And they are the ones I am old enough to remember-goodness knows what else we did before that,but we all lived to tell the tale.

[Pidge]

I recently shut my dd's finger in the car door , and last night I sort of threw her on the bed to get her changed and bashed her head on the wall. These things happen. And this age when they're just gaining some independence is particularly fraught.

[Kelly1978]

I think it is your son's age. I have a ds exactly the same age, and in playgroup yest he was in full kamikaze mode. He shut his finger in a toilet door, jumped up and cracked his head on an overhanging counter and then went backwards over a chair. This was within the space of 90 minutes! Two of the accidents I saw happen, but other than follow them around non stop there is little that can be done to stop active kids bumping themselves.
I've had the evil looks too, the number of dirty looks I got when dd sliced her nose at 2years old was unbelievable. It had to be glued back in position and looked awful. At the end of the day 2 year olds are just accident prone and short of wrappign them in cotton wool there is nothing that you can do about it! They soon learn to calm down a bit.

[bubbly1973]

wordsmith, i know what you mean about that accusing look, ds still has a black eye and is still a little swollen, and in a minute i am going to toddler group, kind of dreading it if mums give me 'that' look!!

however in saying that, should i falter and start to lose confidence in being a good mum i am armed with all your messages in mind so will go remembering it happens to us all

thanks

[FairyMum]

Poor you, but this happens to all us, you have just had more of your fair share in 1 week. Most of us have got stories like yours, but it doesn't make us bad parents, just a bit accident-prone!

[wordsmith]

H Bubbly, you sound just like a normal mum to me. I'm very clumsy (so DH keeps telling me) and am always inadvertently poking/bruising/scratching DS2. People see him in his pushchair and give that 'simultaneously sympathetic and accusing' look. If I do it to DS1 he yells out at the top of his voice "Hey!!!! Mummy!!!! You really really really hurt me!!!!" Very embarassing in the supermarket.

[jabberwocky]

Ds had the worst black eye imaginable when he was only 9 months old. I felt terrible. He reached up and pulled a plastic jug of water off the table (only bottled water for my precious ) so, it just happens...some days, weeks are better - or worse - than others. Some day please remind me that I said this

[nightowl]

accidents all seem to come at once. ds once had four in the space of six weeks

it happens to us all.

[redsky]

Hi bubbly - don't beat yourself up over these accidents. I could tell you some horror stories of how I've let my children down over the years. Just keep on loving him, as you obviously do, and no-one can ask any more of you. It's tough being a parent sometimes isn't it? That's why I love mumsnet - it has made me realise my worries are the same as everyone else's. I just wish I had had MN years ago. My 'children' are aged 17 and 12.

[Skribble]

We all have accidents and incidedents it just seems that you've had a lot all at once.

I managed to tip buggy up going out front door DD landed on head on to a brick I had left lying beside door. Blood everywhere, ambulance man was one of the dads from school and I was mortified that living room was so messy and full of boxes and washing that DD had to be checked out in kitchen (not much better) .

We all feel like failures sometimes but at the end of the day you love your children and do the best you can .

[bubbly1973]

wow, i cant believe how quickly you good people have posted back, i am so grateful to each and every one of these messages,

this almost sounds bad, but reading other mums mishaps makes me feel better as i feel im not the only one it has happened to..although sorry that its happened to you too iykwim

my ds is over with his grandparents all day and he will be home soon and now im looking forward to him coming home...before posting on here, i have to admit i been dreading him coming home, sort of 'he is safe there'

i will remember everything you have told me, and when i feel down tonight, will re-read these posts and remind myself that im not the only one

thank you so much, unloading all this really does help so thank you
xxx