Supermarket Tantrums

[Chinchilla]

Today I suffered the first (probably of many) of the above with my ds, in Sainsbury's. He was a pain all the way round, and stupidly, I had taken one of those split level trolleys where he could reach some of the items. I kept having to remove large cans of tomatoes from him, as he has a tendancy to throw things, and I didn't fancy a damage suit against me from someone with five broken toes!

Then, at the till, he wanted one of the things on the conveyor belt, and got really narked that he couldn't have it. To top it all off, my step-MIL then decided to make an appearance. My ds has never seemed to like her, and started to scream, and hide in my chest...

As the last straw, I looked up, and saw all the people at other tills looking at me, most of them either annoyed, or bewildered (as in, 'Why doesn't that woman shut her kid up?'

AAARRRGH...

[megg]

My sympathies Chinchilla, Asda seems to have the same effect on both my ds and dp.

[threeangels]

My ds does through a temper tantrum every now and then. Most dont agree with it but I do give a little swat on the butt. Honestly, most of the looks on peoples faces is as if their wondering when I'm going to give that child a well deserved spanking. When I do I will say he does stop and I dont have any problems afterwards. One thing though is that I do try and talk the situation out first and when that fails oh well spanking it is. I as a parent can somewhat understand where others are coming from when their trying to think and shop. I think I'm more annoyed when my own child is screaming rather then when someone elses is.

[GeorginaA]

I am a big big fan of Sainsburys To You (or the Tesco equivalent) where they deliver your shopping. I figure the 5 quid delivery is worth it not having to drag an cheesed off toddler around the store, and I end up budgeting better because I can see how much it's going to come to before checking out - and it's marginally easier putting a bar of chocolate back on virtual shelves

[WideWebWitch]

sobernow!

[SoupDragon]

I find Tescos home delivery even more stressful than shopping with a toddler!

DS2s packet of breadsticks ran out halfway round Sainsbury's this morning but he was a little angel. Until we got out, loaded the car and went back into Sainsburys for the BOGOFF Becks I'd forgotten... he was not impressed!

Sobernow, I did read the labelling on the fromage frais/yoghurts last time. Bought some with less than half the sugar of the Tweenie yoghurts etc and got the response "Yuck! I don't like mine!" You can't win.

I console myself with the fact that they don't have a lot else that's sugary. And with the fact that DH wouldn't dare make any comment about my shopping for fear of being dragged round Tescos himself.

[Java]

My DH does the shopping - and sometimes he takes DS1 (3 yrs) with him

[willow2]

Alright Java, no need to show off!! (joke)

[Java]

And he does the cooking - now I'm really boasting

[slug]

Chinchilla, one of my nieces has always, from the day she was born, loathed one of her grandmothers. Every time she went near her she would launch into horrific screams. My sister's dh suggested that she probably pinched her every time his mother came into sight but my sister just insists that her child is a good judge of character. Perhaps your son is also.

[tigermoth]

Running, shouting, climbing, hiding, throwing, throwing up, you name it they do it. Mine mistake the supermarket for an indoor play centre, I swear.

I felt much better recently after talking to a childminder I know socially. One of those very 'good' people - has helped out in nurseries for years. She has two primary school age children so they are past the screaming toddler age. Yet she still can't face a supermarket shopping trip with them and does her shopping at night alone.

[Furball]

A friend of mine has deceided to do all her shopping on the net as her 15 month daughter kicks up a fuss.

If you see me with my screaming child around the supermarket/town, smile sympathetically at me!!

In my mind he has to learn to 'like' looking at all those lovely things when out and about and if a gingerbread man half way round shuts him up then I'll embarassingly hand over the empty pack at the till (always said I'd never do that, so there you go)

[GeorginaA]

I messed up my order this week and have run out of loads of stuff, and I have a friend over tonight. Going to have to go to Tescos Purley to stock up this afternoon.

In the meantime, ds has steadfastly refused to get any sleep this lunchtime and is (as I type) having a tantrum in his cot because I got bored of the "lets throw my plastic pig out of the cot and scream until Mummy comes back upstairs and gives it to me" game and conviscated the pig. I know, I'm evil.

Anyway, if you see me in Tescos this afternoon with an overwraught 18 month old boy who's had no sleep today, please don't glare at me.

[aloha]

Furball, why is that embarrassing? I always give ds things to eat in the supermarket and we enjoy it. I especially like feeding him the samples on the deli counter and I have been known to gnaw at a french stick myself. I always give ds lots of things to hold as we go round - eg packs of peas, cereal etc so he can look at the pictures and 'help mummy'. At the checkout I encourage him to say hello to the checkout person and give him things as they come off the conveyor belt to distract him etc. I also let him have things I don't want to buy to hold - he usually loses interest by the time we leave and he's got a grape/breadstick/bit of muffin in his mouth! Who knows if this will last, but right now I actually enjoy going to the supermarket with ds. I do think food is the key though.

[tigermoth]

Ime it won't last, aloha. It progresses to attempted sitting on the conveyor belt at checkout, climbing all over and hanging off the trolly while you are pushing it and other acrobatic stuff. Agree that food eaten on the way round helps, especially when your child is too young to climb out of the trolly seat.

[aloha]

I actually put my ds on the conveyor belt 'for a ride' once when he was much smaller and was well and truly told off by the checkout girl! So in our Sainsbury's it's me that's in trouble not ds. I'm making the most of his cheery nature at the mo -just in case. He's 15months now, and still no sign of any tantrums. Still, plenty of time, eh...?

[aloha]

We also survived an Ikea marathon by heading to the toy dept, piling the trolley with toys, giving them at intervals to ds, then at the end (hours later), when he was fed up with them, dumping them back in the dept except for one thing he could take home. Worked a treat!

[SoupDragon]

The worst tantrums I'd had in Tescos from DS2 are from those * car trolleys. Behaves like an angel all the time we're shopping but when it's time to get out...

Suffice it to say we don't get one any more.

GeorginaA, you could always put DS in a pushchair, walk round til he goes to sleep and then lock him in one of those cubicles they have by the cafe for putting your full shopping trolley in. I've been tempted on occasions!

[Chinchilla]

Aloha (evil snigger from me) - yes, you will suffer soon. My ds is now 16.5 months, and this was the first time that we had a tantrum in store. I was SO not expecting or prepared for it.

When I looked up from the till and saw all the people looking at me, it remined me of those horror films when a stranded person goes into a pub for help, only to find a load of slightly evil people turning to look at them. It was not a pleasant experience. I have used Tesco.com, but hate having to cause a fuss when they get something wrong, which has happened. Having said that, I am seriously considering using them more, just to save hassle. I'm sure that dh will appreciate me giving him another reason to say, "So what exactly do you do all day then?" in exasperation, when the cleaning has not been done AGAIN

[anais]

Oooooh Maryz, I would have been so angry. Why do people always think they know better? It's like "hey, I'm only the mother, what do I matter?"

Yesterday I had to take ds to the dr as he is having probs with his hearing following a cold a few weeks back. He'd let me clean his ears without too much fuss before we went - which is something he absolutely hates, and I had promised him some sweets. He doesn't often have sweets and it wasn't "if you do this you'll get..." (although I do sometimes) but "as you've been so good I think you deserve...". Anyway, I'd told him he could have the sweets. In with the dr he messed about, and was a bit naughty. He pulled the paper cover off the bed. I asked him to pick it up, and tried to encourage him to hurry so we could go and get his sweets, then turned back to speak to the dr. Doc then turns round and tells ds that if he doesn't pick the sodding thing up then he can't have the sweets that Mummy had "bribed you with". Was not a happy mummy. What right does he have to tell ds what he can and cant have??? I think he just assumes I'm a crap Mum. I was only 17 when I went in there pregnant and he made it v. clear he thought I was crazy to go through with it. He has just made the assumption - clear by the way he spoke to me - that I'm a crap Mum and can't cope. Why does everyone make these kind of judgements about young mums?

[anais]

Sorry for the OT rant. I've had a long day.

[WideWebWitch]

anais, the doctor shouldn't have said it and I'm not surprised you were angry: I would have been too. Very unfair judgment too, as if age is the main criteria for being a good parent! Anyway, from reading you on mumsnet I'd say you sound like a great mum. Hope tomorrow is better.

[WideWebWitch]

Oh I thought about this thread today as ds was angelic and then demonic in the supermarket. I was smugly congratulating myself on his behaviour when he threw an absolute fit because I said no, he couldn't have the £500 (or whatever, wasn't far off) huge tin of chocolates. As I talked to him (very close to him, was almost hissing I'm afraid) and realised I was being watched by lots of other people to see how I handled it I wished we had online shopping here... aaggghhh! It all ended well - he calmed down when I said, "OK we'll go home then and you will not have yoghurt in your lunchbox tomorrow and I will be very cross but what I agreed stands: you may have one small chocolate thing but you cannot have it until I have paid and you will only get it if there is good behaviour the rest of the way round". Now that's bribery anais! In the car park he asked "what does 'I will not tolerate' mean mum?" Will remember never to feel tooooo safe about supermarket trips again.

[SoupDragon]

One of the wisest things a friend said to me when she had 2 children and I was pregnant was "You WILL bribe your child with chocolate. You may think you won't, but you will". How right she was...

Anais, I had a similar experience in a post office/newsagents. DS1 was being ratty and I kept telling him to be good etc etc and the elderly man behind the counter gave him a lollipop. Something I would never let him have anyway. Unfortunately he gave it directly to DS1 without asking me and there was no way I could get it off him. Grrrr!