Nursery drop off gives me anxiety and panic attacks

[Yellowducksarecute]

I probably sound stupid but she’s two and she enjoys it but when I come home I break down and cry I think it brings up my own memories of school and nursery which weren’t great and I’m worried she’ll have the same experience. The nursery is tied together with secondary school and I get major anxiety walking by them. my two year old is very friendly and shouts at them and I get worried they’ll be mean. it sounds ridiculous when I type it I just needed to vent. How do I get over this anxiety? I just want to feel confident and not care and be more present in the moment instead of being hyper alert to cars and people and danger it’s exhausting. We were 10 minutes early today and the staff seemed a bit mad at me but we did wait outside until it opened I just didn’t know what time it was when we went in the building. And it’s situations like that that I overanalyse and I don’t feel welcome. My daughter is doing great though she’s very happy and I try and mask my anxiety so that she doesn’t grow up as a socially anxious person. I am successful and doing my degree and I can talk with people on the same field of work like arts and media but I find small talk sooo uncomfortable it just takes me a while to get comfortable with people. Again sorry for venting hope everyone’s having a good day

[Mariposista]

It's not easy being a single mum and full time student OP. Instead of going home to study once you have dropped her off, why not go somewhere where you can be around people (university library, cowering space, coffee shop). This will take your mind off DD and possibly help you focus more, and you won't be so trapped in your thoughts as you are alone.
Definitely try and see another counsellor. That one you saw sounds hopeless.

[Yellowducksarecute]

It’s going well just doing my dissertation and we have two other modules starting up next month. I think I’m a perfectionist though so I always try to do more than what I’m even capable of I’ve been getting Bs so far but I really want an A for the dissertation. It’s good to be doing something outside of being a mum I’d love to get a good career once I graduate hoping for the bbc

[Yellowducksarecute]

Hi yeah I definitely need someone different surely she’s not the only option

[Yellowducksarecute]

That makes me feel better one of them did say hi back today maybe the more I do it the more I’ll feel okay
Thank you for your advice

[Reugny]

Btw OP how is your degree going?

[Reugny]

OP talking to others who have had different therapies I've been told it is not uncommon not to gel with a therapist. If you are paying yourself then you just find a different therapist.

If you tried and failed on the NHS depending when you tried, then you may need to find someone else.

[Reugny]

my two year old is very friendly and shouts at them and I get worried they’ll be mean.

Most secondary age girls and women in their early 20s are friendly to cute looking small children who shout "hello" to them so there is no need to worry about your daughter. (My own DD aged 4 has done this since she could talk and one of my nephews who is now a young adult did the same.)

However you need to get help for yourself for your anxiety.

First step is to see if you can get help via the NHS for anxiety. Go online and see if you can refer yourself for NHS talking therapies service otherwise go to your GP and ask for a referral.

[Yellowducksarecute]

I did go to cbt but she got mad at me for not doing the tasks she said “instead of googling your health problems why don’t you do the paperwork I asked you to do?” In a really demeaning way. She wasn’t very understanding I had a near death childbirth experience and she hadn’t had children herself so she couldn’t relate. My doctors have left me on my own and they dismiss me with anxiety as if it’s not a real disorder. It’s the worst :( I want to move away to Switzerland and rebuild my life tbh

[Onepotatotwopotatothreepotatofour]

It’s not silly. Your emotions are very valid. Have you ever had any help with your anxiety? I ask this as someone who struggled immensely with anxiety and had CBT last year which has changed my life