Anyone else taking a minute to cry?

[Sprintfinish]

I am demented. I have 2 toddlers, 18m apart and work part time. On Mondays and Tuesdays it's just the 3 of us then it's work and nursery Wednesday afternoon, Thursday and Friday. I struggle to enjoy our days together and am coming to dread them.

My eldest will be deferring starting school due to speech delay, so I'm coming to terms with our situation continuing for an extra year. Neither of them are potty trained. Eldest was getting there but has since regressed. He'll use his toilet if we take him there but won't go himself. Youngest won't entertain sitting on potty.

They are constant. They play together but more often want me involved. We have support from my DF but that's it. DM has dementia, MIL has passed and FIL unreliable. I really wish we had a village, or at least a hamlet!

Sorry for long post, but would love to hear how others cope in similar situations as I don't have any friends who can relate.

[SalviaOfficinalis]

Sorry you’re having a hard time OP. I find it hard enough just with one toddler on my days at home, so am in awe of you managing two.

Not much advice, sorry, but hopefully bumping for some better responses.

[Raindropsdrop]

I don't have 2, but I struggle with one sometimes so I feel for you.

What do your days typically look like when your all home?
Do you get out?

How old is your oldest? Are they under SALT?

[Sprintfinish]

My oldest is 4, youngest 2.5. We're going to SALT so hoping to see progress soon. He does talk but his sounds aren't fully there so it is a struggle to understand him, although it is much easier with context. Youngest could chat for Britain.

We try to get out, weather has been an issue recently. They'll be too big for double buggy soon which will limit how far we can go. Days when we make it out are much better.

I would just love to see some progress, get at least get one of them out of nappies would be great.

[ShirleyPhallus]

I have two young ones and do a few days a week with them both and it’s hard .

the key for me is always getting out. Soft play, farm, zoo etc - anything that keeps their focus is so much easier than being at home. Then when at home - give them jobs to do. My oldest thrives on having chores / tasks to do so that’s what we do!

[bagelbagelbagel]

OP is it only speech that's the concern or have you any conditions in mind that might apply. Only saying because once my DS was on the autism pathway, and we had been assessed for DLA, we were able to claim 30 hours childcare for both him and later his sibling (as I was classed as a carer). Having him on that pathway also opened doors to other support: SEN playgroups, Portage, parent carer coffee mornings.

So now would be the time to maybe get the ball rolling in that respect if you think there's more than just a slight delay as it could lead to more help for you.

Also I empathise. I had this exact situation too - deferred summerborn, SEN, baby, it's absolutely brutal. I can promise it gets easier though. Mine are 8 and 4 now and I'm definitely holding my head above water now.

[Raindropsdrop]

@Sprintfinish

My oldest is 4, youngest 2.5. We're going to SALT so hoping to see progress soon. He does talk but his sounds aren't fully there so it is a struggle to understand him, although it is much easier with context. Youngest could chat for Britain.

We try to get out, weather has been an issue recently. They'll be too big for double buggy soon which will limit how far we can go. Days when we make it out are much better.

I would just love to see some progress, get at least get one of them out of nappies would be great.

Any other concerns?

My child is 4, also has a speech delay, on the autism pathway, still in nappies also.

The speech does come, whilst he isn't on par with his peers speech therapy has helped a lot. Does nursery do speech work with him?

Are there any groups/soft plays you can go to?

[mousehouse123]

It can definitely feel overwhelming. Is it worth leaving the potty training until the spring when you'll have fewer layers to deal with? I sometimes find it easier to decide that I'll put of dealing with something until later than to try to add another thing to the mix. Make the most of having the double buggy now and go out whenever you can?

[Firstbornunicorn]

I get you, OP. I’m alone with my 2 from 7am every day, DH gets home around 4:30, then I log into work for 5 and finish my shift at 10. It’s relentless. My kids are 3.5 and 13 months. If we can get out, it’s easier, but we’re always skint, so it’s more like trips to the same old parks rather than days out at the farm or soft play.

Eldest attends preschool for 2.5 hours each weekday morning. It’s good to have that, but it’s becoming ever clearer that he’s not quite neurotypical (suspected ADHD) and I really struggle to cope with his behaviour sometimes.

Yesterday, DH got home from work a little early, so I left him with the baby and took DS out for a date. We played “fire fighters” in the park for 90 minutes, then went for ice cream. It was one of the rare days when I felt I’d done right by him.

It’s so hard. I know we’ll both get through and things will get easier, but right now, it’s just hard. You definitely have my sympathy!

[Sprintfinish]

Thank you for all your replies. There are no other concerns with my eldest thankfully. Initially, when around 15m he wasn't pointing or responding to his name (this was during 1st lockdown). I was aware and looking for other signs, but once we started seeing people again he responded to them, just not us! His behaviour is brilliant, he's a very enthusiastic and engaged little boy and very eager to do anything. It's just so difficult with 2 at the moment as my youngest is going for all the textbook 2yo stuff just now, even getting him to sit and eat a meal is an opportunity for him to test a boundary!

With toilet training we take him to the toilet regularly and he will go, he just won't tell us when he needs so inevitably we have wet/dirty pull ups. We've tried rewards, incentive, pants... Doesn't care or notice if soiled. Youngest has zero interest which I'm surprised at, and not going to push until dry at night (eldest often is).

I would just love more family around as visits are always nice distractions for us all! It does get lonely on weekdays.

[HS1990]

Hi OP, I have my two home the same days as you, and nursery currently Wed-Fri as well. I am on maternity leave as my DS is 5 months; my DD is nearly 3. I usually work full time 8-5 as a Finance manager.

Currently what I try and do on Mon/Tues is be out of the house from 9 to 12. Break it up into 3 activities that take an hour each with a break in the middle for snack/feed. Example we usually do on a Tuesday, is 1 hour in the library, 1 hour getting groceries/walking around the shops/1 hour in the park or garden centre feeding the fish/walking around. Then come home for lunch., another hour taken up there. Afternoon is either chores and messy play/books/toys if she prefers, otherwise she does chores with me or if DD is tired, I will put her for a nap. I am usually free for 4/4.30pm, so I Will read to the kids, play, give baby bath whilst she plays water play in the tub next to me, fold laundry while she jumps on the bed. There's so many ways you can make a task kid friendly e.g. she will put all her pants, socks and vests away in an organizer with multiple pockets. You can just get some boxes/baskets otherwise.

Another thing I do is break up tasks into chunks and spread them over the day (only if I have to) e.g. prepare ingredients in the morning, cook around 3pm. Although these days my toddler is very good at peeling onions, so that occupies her some time whilst I prep everything else.

Hope that might help give some ideas.

[HS1990]

With the potty training, start on a Sat and go for a 5 day run. Then let the nursery take over for a bit. Keep the momentum going. You can buy pants on Amazon that feel like underpants but act like nappies, and they feel wet so the child knows. This might be a solution for you as you can persevere with the training, but not have to worry about accidents all over the house.

www.amazon.co.uk/Ateid-Reusable-Potty-Training-Multicoloured/dp/B06XFNNPR9/ref=asc_df_B06XFNNPR9/?amp%3BlinkCode=df0&amp%3Bhvadid=242436962159&amp%3Bhvnetw=g&amp%3Bhvrand=11242081406006041862&amp%3Bhvdev=c&amp%3Bhvlocphy=1007109&amp%3Bhvtargid=pla-347097349187&amp%3Bpsc=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Inthesky42]

If no other concerns with your eldest then it really is time to push the toilet training. If he won't initiate you need to be watching him and looking for his signals he needs to go and/or taking him on a schedule. Ditch the nappies. Accidents have consequences and that is they feel yukky and wet. If he knows he can just wee in his nappy he will! By 4 with no other concerns on development he is fully aware. You need to break the habit. Tell him that's it no more nappies he's a big boy and can do this. Reward him (with words) for every successful wee even if you reminded him he had to go, dry pants at the end of the day get a sticker on his chart. A week of stickers on the chart and no accidents = a small toy or treat. Don't punish accidents but make it clear he will have to help you clean up and he will have to sort out new clothes etc. He will get the idea quickly.

[Inthesky42]

Also feeling you on the difficulty with the 18mth age gap. 3 and 18months here! Try and get little easy places to go with the two of them, soft play is a good one we do regularly (we have a membership!) as it's safe, warm and wears them out!

[Sprintfinish]

Thanks all, grateful for your suggestions. We made it out last week and it was easier, started with the double buggy and eldest walked home, so not as heavy when I'm tired.

Potty training has just taken a nosedive. We ended up going out this morning with DS wearing pants. I put them on when his nappy was wet and forgot. He managed the park and Tesco dry! Once home was fight getting him to go on toilet "i don't need a peepee" only for him to do one.

He was playing away just there when DP discovered wet patch on the hall floor. DS had peed, was soaked through and didn't seem to notice. He wasn't upset, didn't tell us and was playing as if it hadn't happened. How can we progress with that? I told him it was naughty and he'd have to help clean it up.... He was delighted as loves to help. So cancelled that and instead he went in a bath.

[Inthesky42]

I'm glad getting out is easier. The key here is you know he needed to do a wee, therefore all focus should be on encouraging him to sit and go. 'sorry we can't do x y z until you've tried for a wee, we want dry pants today', 'remember you can get your sticker on your chart if you do a wee' 'I know you need a wee so I need you to try for one for one please " until he shows you he's got this you're going to have to watch him like a hawk and catch those wees when you know he needs to go before he has an accident.