Separation anxiety, normal after starting nursery?

[SapphireSunday]

Feeling really heartbroken at the moment.

DD started nursery at the beginning of this month, 2 days a week. We are now a few weeks in and she is still inconsolable at drop off, and even the sight of her nursery bag seems to set her off crying. It’s also started to morph into general separation anxiety where she literally can’t cope with DH and I both leaving her with anyone, including our parents who she has always been perfectly happy with!

Her sleep, which has been fine for months (12 hours straight through since 8 months in her cot in her own room) is suddenly disturbed and she is waking up crying in the night just wanting a cuddle.

We are trying to spend as much time with her as possible, but because of work there are 3 days a week where she isn’t with one of us (2 at nursery and one with my mum). I’m letting her stay close when we are together, co sleeping if she gets upset in the night etc and doing everything I can but I’m so worried that my confident, happy little toddler is turning into a sad and worried one with attachment issues.

Please could anyone send advice/reassurance 😔

Oh that must be so tough, we're having a clingy phase at 21 months and its way harder carrying them about when theyre getting big and you're used to sleep and them being more independant.

Absolutely keep giving her loads of love and cuddles and reassurance when you are with her.
Are the 2 nursery days together? I've heard sometimes the less they're in nursery then the longer it takes to settle.

Hope it passes soon

We had the same.for the first couple of months. I had to basically carry ds all evening after coming home from nursery. He stopped sleeping well at night and was just generally a bit miserable and clingy. It gradually got better and now six months later he absolutely loves it. Hang in there. It will get better.

However, I think, it might be easier for her to settle in if she does more days at nursery. 2 days a week is a very short time.to get used to a place. Even if she could do for a few weeks 3-4 days a week it night help her get used.to.the place. Once she's used.to it you could go down to two days again.

Thank you for the replies - the nursery days are a Tuesday and Thursday so not together unfortunately and there is a long waiting list for extra days. I didn’t realise at the time we applied the days would have an impact so I went with what would work best with our work schedules - silly now I think about it.

I will keep up with the reassurance and cuddles, nursery tell me she is fine once she is there but honestly the drop offs are just heart wrenching, I feel like she thinks I’m abandoning her! Hopefully we get through it soon

It does get better!

It's normal for them to cry on drop off for awhile, my child had to be peeled off me literally. He then started running in without saying bye and giving me a second look.

You know she's happy once there and that's a good thing. It does just take some settling.

@SapphireSunday

Hi- currently going through the exact same word for word with my little boy starting nursery! It's so sad I feel like it's turned him into a different kid he used to be so happy now he can't be away from me without being distraught. How long did it take for your child to finally settle and drop offs to become easier? Sorry I know this is an old post just looking for advice. Thanks! X

Hey @kayjox - she is 3.5 now and absolutely loves going to nursery, I barely get a backward glance.

I'd say it probably took her a month or maybe even two until the tears stopped on drop off, nursery were fab with finding ways to make it easier (e.g her key worker would have a smaller group in a backroom for the first half hour or so while kids were coming in and out so it was a bit less chaotic for her, and suggesting she bring a comfort toy). Even after that we would sometimes have phases where she didn't love going in, like after illnesses and holidays. But for the most part she was happy and settled after the first month or so.

Hoping your little one settles soon