How on earth to handle imaginary play?

[Pl242]

My DD has always been into imaginary play. She’s now 4 and started reception this year and I (perhaps naively) thought she’d have grown out of a bit. But it’s her entirely favourite thing to do and it’s my absolute least favourite thing to do with her.

How do people cope with it? I honestly loathe it. I know it’s my job to get past it and suck it up, but how, exactly?

I find myself getting unfairly annoyed with her as we’ll play that for a while and then I’ll try and move her onto something else like puzzles, books, games, books, colouring etc. But she quickly tires of these things and just wants to go back to playing families. Aaaah.

It’s definitely obviously harder at the moment. We were supposed to be at the theatre today which was cancelled as it’s tier 3 and just facing lots of days inside in the rain (as she’s also very reluctant to go out in poor weather).

Any tips? Also have DS who’s about to turn 2 so have the usual challenges of trying to entertain them both simultaneously etc.

[Spanielmadness]

I do it with nanny/babysitting children, but always with them leading the play so my input is fairly minimal. You can do less and less and they sort of start to play by themselves more as they’re engrossed in their own heads.

[sneakysnoopysniper]

When I was a kid I had no sibling until I was 7 (never wanted one then either) and was heaviliy into imaginary play. My mother was definitely not the type but my grandma was and for that reason I grew up much closer to my nan. When there was no one else I played alone for hours with my dolls or with an imaginary playmate. As a result I love my own company and have always been good at amusing myself.

Imaginary play is very important for kids. It expands the mind and teaches them creativity and inventiveness. As some have suggested you can probably get off with minimal partcipation.

[Bettyboop82]

I have three year old twins and a baby. Both twins want to play imaginary play with me allllllllll day but not the same imaginary play. Girl twins wants to play farms, horses, vets, school; boy twin wants to play superheroes or police chase (mum you’re the bad guy -chase me, shoot me etc) Baby wants to be held constantly and doesn’t nap due to the noise of the other two who won’t bloody be quiet or even play together and I’m losing the plot on a daily basis. That feels better! No advice just a hug! You’re not alone!

[DontWalkPastTheCastle]

Oh god I absolutely hated it too.

The only advice I can give is to find ways to make it bearable: for me that basically meant a lot of lying down

Hospitals is a good one. Pretend you're having a baby. Have a carpet picnic on a blanket on the floor and have something tolerable on TV at the same time.

Drink a bit lot. Wait for them to get older.

[AuntyJack]

You could try to direct the play to something where you can lie or sit down and mostly relax. Eg being a customer in a beauty salon (child can play with your hair or give you a massage or a facial with water). Or playing doctor where you can lie on the couch and have them prod you with things.

[Beamur]

I used to put a to limit on it, say 30 minutes but then commit to playing and engaging properly.
It's actually a brilliant way to teach your kids stuff.
Games where you have to prep stuff are your friend where you find this play hard. For example, agree to the tea party but ask the child to get it ready while you finish what you're doing.
Pretend cinema is another good one. You can make posters for the film, make tickets, get the audience ready, set up a sweet shop, etc. Then watch a film!
If you're feeling a bit tired, get some bandages out and lie down and be a patient.
Things like passing the wrong imaginary fork are actually a good way to model communication, eg ask the child to show you which is the 'right' fork.

[Hermanfromguesswho]

It’s almost like she’s got it backwards. She’s not doing the imaginary play, you are and she’s watching you. She’s telling you to do this and do that and you are doing all the acting.
Can you encourage her to do it herself? None of mine have ever got me to join in with that kind of play beyond the usual ‘here’s some imaginary cake I made you’ and I pretend to eat it etc.
When she asks you to try and feed the baby, pass her the pretend food snd ask her to feed baby today. She will hopefully progress to doing the whole thing with dolls and toys and doing all the acting and voices herself. Independent play is a skill that she would really benefit from developing

[prettygirlincrimsonrose]

This is interesting because I sometimes worry that DS (3) doesn't play like this, but it's something I remember a lot from being a child.

Practically (and obviously based on no experience) is there any scope for doing something else (whether useful or a bit more interesting for you) with some imaginary play thrown in? For example, say with drawing/colouring, you have to draw pictures of the queen because she's ordered everyone in the land to draw a picture and it has to make her look really beautiful or else, but you're going to hide a secret message in your picture for someone working in the castle etc etc, so she still gets to chat about some imaginary scenario. As I said, no 4 year old and no child who plays like this, but I seem to remember being willing to do other things while pretending I was in a different situation (although I was probably a bit older).

[Aria999]

OP we have similar except it always has to involve an imaginary battle of some kind. Even if it starts out as something totally different like being explorers.

One thing I will say is that DS has slightly dialled down his requirements for my level of active participation over the last couple of months. So I'm more able to nod, smile and zone out.

[Reallynotavailable]

"It's funny because I would love this so much. Dressing up and pretending to be actors or animals, creating Stories and songs. This is my dream play. My son has autism and the only thing he does is move items from room to room and stack them. We read the same book 20x a day"

@doadeer That is a helpful perspective. If your child can't or won't play like that, I can see it would be something you wish they were interested in.

Has anyone watched the amazing Australian cartoon Bluey? It's all about parents playing pretend play with their children. It's so good.

[Ohalrightthen]

No one ever did any imaginary at with me - i did it with my toys. My parents played with me lots, but no imaginary play - it hasn't harmed me at all, I'm a novelist now - if you don't like it, don't do it!

The real issue is that you've already been doing it for years, so she's used to it, and she's 4 now, so stopping would be a battle.

[igotosleep]

I do it but my husband doesn’t, so it annoys me because my kids always ask me. They are 3&5 though so play together most of the time & I need limited input (living the dream!)

[woodhill]

No, never did it, it's so boring and I had too much to do, had 3 close in age.

Agree with Moon

[Pl242]

We also had babies today. She also re-enacts our daily lives, such as “baby’s refusing to eat her lunch and you need to persuade her mummy”. We just did that IRL 20 minutes ago

[Pl242]

@Miriam101 yes. The default setting. That is exactly what it’s like!

[Bourbonbiccy]

Oohh I am absolutely here in solidarity. I feel mean saying No as he has no one else to play with and i thin it's good for their imagination and learning ..........however today my 3 year old son has decided today we are playing dogs, he is a dog trainer and I am obviously the dog as he throws a sock around the lounge, whilst he trains me to sit, fetch and leave the sock etc etc........

Then on to Vets that just goes on forever but it does crack me up laughing as he is funny, but it can be tough

[TalkToTheHand123]

My 4 year old stops when I join in. She thinks I'm being sarcastic.

[Miriam101]

Also I should say for pure shoot my self in the head terrain: her current favourite is to pretend she’s a baby and I have to change her nappy. Which is pooey. Every time. Of course.

[Miriam101]

Oh god no advice but solidarity - I am having the same thing. Constant! And as you say the Covid situation just makes it worse as when she’s at home, unless she’s actively engaged in say baking or crafts, it’s all imaginary. Friends/family/doctors/ arghhdhhdhshshhsh I hate it. I wouldn’t if it was just half an hour a day but when it’s almost like the default setting it’s so annoying. And then as you say I feel guilty and mean for saying no. So I just go with it as much as poss and hope this particular phase ends quickly...
Also we’ve done a LoT of baking as I find she gets totally absorbed in it

[Lazypuppy]

My daughter does imaginary play, but on her own with her toys etc. I hate it sonever do it.

I dont play with her all day, never have. If she wants me to play with her then we'll do puzzles or other toys, if she wanta to play pretend she has to do that on her own

[Pipandmum]

Goodness imaginary play lasts way longer than age 4! But put a time on it as suggested. Hopefully she can soon start playing with her sibling instead of you.

[grey12]

I try to give them ideas and encourage them to do things like can you cook some pasta with vegetables for us? Or find all the things that fly/live in water..... That way they're busy doing something while I watch or I do something that is fun for me and them like gobbling all the fake cake down (and hiding it behind my back)

I do prefer reading them books people who don't read to their kids are missing a trick. It's a breeze to do and they love sitting snuggling next to you.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

@Regularsizedrudy

I think it would be really horrible to say no. Imaginary play is really important. I think the mistake people make is thinking they somehow need to be an active participant like it’s an improv group or something. Just go with the flow and let yourself be directed by the child. I quite like it, I just zone out and daydream.

Have you ever been told off by a 3 yo (followed by a massive tantrum) because you gave her the wrong IMAGINARY fork 3 times?

First it was a spoon.
Then it was metal not plastic.
Then it was red not blue!!!


It's thin air kiddow just blooming take it!!

[purplemunkey]

I’m the same, I never liked it either. Once she got a bit older, maybe your DDs age in fact, I just told her I didn’t really like playing those games.

By that age she’d been at nursery for a while and had her own preferences out what she did and didn’t like doing or playing. It was easy enough to explain nicely that that’s not something I enjoy and she can either play that game on her own or we can do something we both enjoy.

She know the only role play I’m happy to play nowadays is hairdressers

She just got used to doing all the other stuff - playing families/camping/school/going on holiday - with her toys instead.

[Pl242]

My DM didn’t do much imaginary play with me and won’t as a GM either really. I wouldn’t say I’m scarred for life but I want to be more engaged with my DD than my mother was in my childhood with this type of playing. I just find it really hard sometimes and don’t want to do it to the exclusion of all other activities. So think it’s about balance really and managing it in practice. Some good suggestions here. Thank you.