Quick response to people who comment how small my baby is

[Gabbbbbbby]

I'm getting so fed up of comments about my DS's size... He's 10 months, love his food and is tracking just above his 9th centile weight line, which he's been on since birth. He's always been a little baby and when he was younger I didn't mind people commenting so much, but now he's getting older I'm getting increasingly fed up! He's not even that small! He just doesn't have rolls of fat.
I'm sure I'm projecting, but I just feel people's judgement when they comment that he's small for his age, like having a big baby is somehow better. I'm sure this will continue through toddlerhood, I can't imagine him suddenly becoming big for his age, so any tips on quick, non-snarky comebacks when people comment?

[Lolalovesmarmite]

I had a teeny tiny little 2nd centile girl. People were always commenting on how little she was and how advanced she seemed (they assumed she was a lot younger than she actually is). We got stared at constantly when she started walking at the very normal age of 13 months because she was so short and slight she looked like a much younger baby. I just nodded and smiled when people commented. Mostly people just want something to say. I now have a perfectly average sized boy and I keep getting told what a chunk he is!

[greenemerald]

Fully expecting us to go through this... my baby was very premature and also IUGR (so was deprived of nutrients in utero so underdeveloped when born). We always get comments he looks like a tiny newborn even though he's 4 months now. I just can't be bothered so just smile and nod.

[minnieok]

I had 2 of them. Neither grew hair until older either but were physically very able cue lots of comments about how good my "baby" was at running when she was nearly 2! They come in different shapes and sizes, as long as they have good nutrition and aren't too overweight (much more common) all is good

[SaintofBats]

Honestly it's just people making conversation, they're not being rude.

But all but the most obtrusively thick people must realise that everyone remarks on the size of an unusually small/big/bald/hairy baby, and the parent to whom the remark is being made will find it tiresome.

I'm sure the people who say on a daily basis to my six footer female friend 'What's the weather like up there?'/'Is there snow on top?'/'You're tall, aren't you!'/'I bet you're a gift to a basketball team!' think they're 'just making conversation', but you'd have to be fairly thick not to recognise that (a) you don't actually need to verbalise everything you become aware of and (b) it's the equivalent of the two-hundredth rendition of 'Ten Green Bottles' to the person who is the target of this kind of 'making conversation'.

It's perfectly possible to just say 'What a lovely baby'. You're not tasked with describing his salient points to the universe.

[Gabbbbbbby]

@Eggcellent29 well yes, that would be a nice quick way to shut them down

[Gabbbbbbby]

Haha @FluffMagnet, that's exactly what I'm worried about - still feeling I have to defend his size when he's a grown man!!
I think the PPs are right and people just don't realise you take everything anyone says to heart about your baby. But thanks @Kaiserin, for understanding. It's not acceptable to comment on someone's fat teenager, so there is an aspect of it just being a bit rude!

[Eggcellent29]

[Eggcellent29]

Fuck off?

[whoami24601]

@sleepwhenidie he was born early and was tiny so was always at the bottom of the chart. We are naturally quite a small family but also he developed reflux when he was 1 and consequently developed an aversion to eating for about 2 years 🙄 it's fine now he's 5 though. He is at the smaller end of his class but not noticeably so. At his two year review they said as long as he's in proportion it's not a concern. Thanks for the advice though.

[FluffMagnet]

My grandmother (in her nineties) still reminisces about how people would eye up my dad and comment that his father must be tall, and then gesture at my uncle and say "oh he takes after you". It still bothers her to this day, which I suspect in the main is because she is tiny compared to her siblings and I think was mocked for it, even though she is around 5'3/4" (her siblings were just unusually tall). As it turns out, my uncle grew up to be slightly taller than my dad. People make comments often without thought rather than malice. They may well be meaning it as a compliment and saying your baby is especially cute. You know your baby is healthy so try not to take these comments to heart for the next 60+ years like my grandmother!

[sleepwhenidie]

@whoami24601 re your tiny one, please ignore me if you are naturally a small family but if not it might be worth getting DS checked, my DS2 was similar (growing on a normal curve but below the bottom of the chart, was 0.4th centile at birth and didn’t climb) from before he was even born And he has been on growth hormone therapy since reception year, he’s now caught up to where he should be, more in line with family 25-30th centile for height. It was quite a long old process getting to tHe point where they prescribed the GH

[Persipan]

I get the opposite; my baby is quite light but incredibly loooooong (he's 4 months old and the length of an average 7 month old) so I'm forever getting told how massive he is. I usually just reply with some friendly version of 'yep, he's enormous!' and don't get too bogged down in it.

I do agree that people are very much just looking for something to say, and there's not that much you can say about babies so it's an easy fallback position. I get told he looks like me fairly regularly as well, which given that he's donor conceived is either nonsense or massive coincidence!

[MrsSiba]

I understand OP. Both of mine were small but at 5, my daughter has now caught up height wise. She is very petite and slim. My second is small too and I often worry because, I too have been conditioned to think big is better.

I hate hate hate that people comment with no thought. I used to get really prickly and upset but now just say yes, small but perfect or something like that.

Try to just ignore it or ride it out. Most people feel they have to say something so it's usually rubbish. 🙄

Having been on the receiving end I now always say the same thing when I admire other people's babies...... Usually something about their eyes... What beautiful blue/brown eyes. Non committal. Utterly non offensive.

[Minai]

I had this from the other perspective. Both my boys were big, they were born big and were hungry babies. I got many lectures from health visitors that said bottle fed babies can over feed and I’d have to be really careful as I was setting them up for a lifetime of obesity. Honestly! They were just big, hungry babies. My husband and I are tall and I wasn’t about to put them on a diet. Needless to say at 20 months and 3 years old they are perfectly normal looking toddlers.

Just letting you know that you can’t really win with babies, someone will always find something to comment on.

[Kaiserin]

People can be "just making conversation", and "really mean no harm", and yet be excessively rude. You don't have to mean to be rude, in order to say something rude. Drunk people and little children do so effortlessly, and so do a lot of otherwise normal adult, when faced with babies (it's like babies turn adult brains into mush)

So, yes OP, you can feel hurt by such rude comments. I'd say the best deflection is to politely pretend you didn't even hear what the person said, and talk about something mostly unrelated ("he's got his daddy's eyes, and my grandpa's ears" or "he walked two steps the other day"). That will filter out the "being unintentionally rude" people, who would normally latch on to the new topic. If (after 2 or 3 polite deflections) someone insists on talking about his size, you'll know they're being deliberately annoying, and can respond accordingly.

[Boringnamechanging]

People comment on the strangest things, they just want a look at a cute baby and come out with whatever line they think of.

[LightDrizzle]

I agree with pps that people almost certainly aren’t saying it judgementally, it’s just there’s a limited amount to talk about when it comes to babies, so people resort to size, how are they sleeping and milestones - Ooh! Is she sitting up yet?” without thinking that the parents might be sensitive on any of those topics.
It’s only being on here that alerted me to parents not liking reference to their babies being small, and I get it now, because it can related to low birthweight or weight gain problems or worries, but whenever I said it pre Mumsnet, I meant it in an Aw! Look how teeny tiny and cute! - as in you forget how teeny tiny babies are, I wouldn’t be comparing them to other 16 weekers or anything because despite having had two myself, you soon forget. I remember when mine were older babies, if I came across newborn nappies I’d be like “No way! No way could she have been wearing those less than a year ago!”
I’m more careful now.
If you come back with the snappy retort, people will feel mortified, so only do it if that’s your objective.
My DH was unimpressed when he bumped into his brother while pushing 4 month old DSS in his pram and his brother asked “Can he suck on a chip yet?”
I don’t remember Penelope Leach mentioning that.

[Supertree]

I don’t think any particular response is needed. He is small so you could just smile and nod. My son was on 90th centile at birth and had dropped off the bottom of the charts by 12 months. He was really very tiny for ages. At the age of four he was just going into 18-24 clothes. He also talked quite early so he looked like a genius baby. I’d get comments about how he didn’t look like he should be able to walk as well as he did when he was three! The shock on some people’s faces was quite amusing but the comments still happen to some extent today, and he’ll be thirteen this year. I’ve always just brushed it off as a thing people say to open up conversation, it doesn’t need to stay on the same topic. Sometimes people have said something and it turns out their child or relative has the same medical condition, which is interesting because we don’t know anybody else with it. I think I probably say these annoying things to other people all the time, I just don’t notice it. They won’t realise that everybody says it.

[Oryxx]

DD1 was petite. If anybody said she was small (which she was!) I’d just smile and say ‘yes, she’s a little dot isn’t she’. People don’t mean anything by it in the main, they’re just making conversation. Don’t let it bother you.

[BIRDSbirds]

I still get lots of giant baby/fat baby comments. I just respond with a smile and "I know, isn't he gorgeous". People just dont know what to say and have to comment on something.

[Hippofrog]

It’s so annoying OP I’ve had this for 9 years with my son. What makes it ok for people to comment on stage size of your child?. If you were to tell someone their child was fat you would be crucified

[Horehound]

My son is small too in the sense he doesn't have rolls and rolls of chubby fat. I don't see it as a negative if someone says he is small.
He is long and thin. His dad is 6'5"!

[Yellowcar2]

I'd say something like yes and I absolutely adore him!

[rainydaysss]

'Easier to push out'!
DS was on the 3rd percentile at birth and the 99th by about age 5. Still a head taller than most of this friends at 12.