According to Steve Biddulph, if you are honest with your kids and don't do them down they will be happy...

[fillyjonk]

have I got it right?

oh yes and you need to put a positive spin on things.

but anger is ok.

if you do all this then they will share and express their emotions perfectly and know their colours at an early age?

Is this correct?

[WendyWeber]

This is a good muddling-along book, fio

Also this one (the first review suggests it's a good psychology book for HR managers )

Also this but it looks like it's out of print.

None of them are Serious Parenting Manuals but they all have some good encouraging and funny bits

OTOH they're all about 20 years old - not sure if that reduces their relevance?

[Peachy]

Oh yes honesty always the best policy

'Oh yes dear Mummy is a bt annoyed as Daddy is being a wanker but thats OK love, I wont be thrwing him out becuase he earns lots of money'

fab





(Disclaimer: My Dh is OK really and doesnt earn any more than i did so this si what is widely known as a joke).

Agree with MD.

I reckon they learn more skills from a good day with their family just doing nothing much than they do from most things.


But I am a Lax Parent

[Highlander]

Oh dear. He wouldn't approve of my conversation with DS1 (2.5) last week:

DS2 wailing from cot. I sigh...... and look at DS1. Before I can open my mouth he says, 'is DS2 a suckin' ginger whinger today mum?'.

[pagwatch]

IWRIM
actually, with the week I have just had "you are NOT a moron" figures as quite a high point

[IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo]

Pagwatch, I think you are NOT a moron, but somebody who had the wonderful oportunity to hear the words from the author's own mouth. Which obviously allows you to evaluate the man behind the message, therefore having a more rounded view of all of it.

The fact that his books have been so popular and that they have helped people means that he is not wrong. But as with everything in life, it may suit some and not others. I draw the line in the nursery stuff. He may be right but it is not in everybody's hands, due to their own particular personal circumstances, not to send their children to nursery. Although I have found the information on the differences between boys and girls very helpful.

[Hathor]

Moondog speaks sense.

[pagwatch]

oh dear
i went to see him talk about his book Raising Boys.
He was completely lovely and his talk was (should I whisper this) helpful. I especially liked all the stuff about boys struggling developmentally behind girls and their differences in a formal academic setting. I am quite happy to conceed that maybe I am a moron and he was stating the bleedin obvious but at a time when my eldest son was struggling and i was tired and upset about DS2's special needs it was a great help. The bit about engaging boys and helping them to express emotion was also great and it also helped me help my son who was holding on to a lot of upset and grief about his brother. I don't remember him giving a toss about whether boys know their colours or not but maybe my memory is faulty.
Eldest boy is 14 now and a fab boy who is great with his brother and a genuine help to me so predictable and inane maybe but it seems to have helped us.

[NotQuiteCockney]

God, I already had an attitude against Biddulph, but this stuff certainly isn't helping.

I do think that How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, and Talk so they will listen isn't entirely obvious, and is really worth reading. For what it's worth.

[jackie2kids]

I hate that book too.

I must admit I lost patience with it when it got to the bit about all children should be raised in communities in rural settings.

Howay!!

[IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo]

Yes, he said that, and also that a good way to help children out of their shyness is to punish them if they refuse to say "hi"

Out of that, and other annoying things, I think his book "raising boys" is quite good, although more like informative theoretical reading that practical suggestions.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Some people certainly do make a lot of money out of stating the bleeding obvious.

[fillyjonk]

no nqc

in fact shyness is a myth, see p 68

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Trouble is, no child is problem-free. And every problem is traced back to some parental fault. But no parent is fault-free. You can't win. Larkin was right...

[moondog]

The point is that nonone needs to Fio.
Just say it to yourself.
Most of this stuff is staggeringly obvious, but written down prettily.
I say this as one who works in the field of child devpt.
Throw 'em away,turn the tv off and eat with your kids,read to them,play with them a bit and let them be.

That is basically all you need to know.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Surely shy/outgoing cautious/bold are continuums, with people falling in various positions.

[mummypigoink]

Noodlestroodle ~ my dds are like that too

[fillyjonk]

oh probably not

it has lots on techniques

am worried about shyness thing though. he does seem to see shyness/cautiousness as evidence of kids not having their emotional needs met

[SueBaroo]

He's been recommended to me. Sounds like I'd get better advice from dh's old sooty puppet. Is it really that inane?

[fillyjonk]

nearly

tasmania

[SueBaroo]

me not understand. This Biddulph of which you speak... does he live in Narnia?

[NoodleStroodle]

I do shout, shout again adn then shout louder and finally DS understands

[NotQuiteCockney]

I'm doing talk/listen/listen/talk. I can't be having this 'boys are like this' malarkey, tbh.

[Greensleeves]

how old is he?

colours schmolours, woman, he'll learn them when he wants to

and for "shy" read "interesting thoughtful child whose Mind Is On Higher Things"