I can't get my 7 year old to bed before 10 - losing the plot

[everymummy]

Hi all, over the xmas holidays we slacked a bit on bedtimes, letting DS stay up and go to bed quite late - also meaning he woke up quite late too, which worked for everyone.

Term started and I cannot, cannot, cannot get his bedtime back to normal. I'm tearing my hair out. I'm starting a bedtime routine with a bath, then a story, which is all fine but he's not tired at all, so he starts asking to be allowed to do some drawing in his room, then he's hungry again and wants a snack, then he's not sleepy and if I'd just read him another story or let him listen to an audio book.... on and on it goes. I know I should be saying no but he won't stay in his room and I just run out of ideas/strength/will to live etc.

He's waking up at 8, which gives us just enough time to get ready for school - his teacher says he is tired and yawning at her. Should I wake him up earlier so he's more tired (perhaps I could do this at the weekend?) or try some exhausting activity like swimming in the evenings?

Someone has to help me get my to bed

[Believeitornot]

I have noticed that my 7 year old needs a lot of physical exercise otherwise he will not settle for bed. And I don't mind a quick trip to the park - I mean a long walk plus a swim etc.

We have audio books for him to listen to at bedtime. Followed by a relaxation story for children which helps him relax and sleep.

[BitOutOfPractice]

That is progress! I hope tonight is even better

[everymummy]

Hi bit thanks for thinking of me! I had a good talk with him today and explained how tired I am, how much fun we could have if I were perkier and topped it off with an incentive bribe for some screen time (he has hardly any and is desperate for it) so we will see if he stays in his room tonight. Last night he came in but it was already about 6am so not too bad.

Seems like progress albeit very slow...

[BitOutOfPractice]

How did you get on op?

[nannyj]

My dd and quite a few of her 7/8 year old friends are also going through sleep problems. I know my dd finds it hard to get to sleep but I'm strict on getting tucked up and not getting up again unless it's for the toilet. She does find it hard sometimes that she can't get to sleep quickly. I think it's just a transition to not needing as much sleep but I tell her even resting in her bed is good for her before she sleeps.

[BitOutOfPractice]

That sounds like good progress. If I were you I'd keep that routine even though it' s Friday and get him up at normal school time. Bit of pain in the short term is worth it for the long term gain

[Greenfingeredfun]

I don't think 10-8 is enough sleep!! My two ds's aged 10 and 7 are in bed at 8pm (start brushing teeth, pjs, stories at 7.30) then up at 7am. Bedtime in a Fri and Sat is 9/10pm.

[AmeliaJack]

Good luck - it's hard work. You might find that you only have to be really strict about this for a little while until he gets back into better habits.

[everymummy]

every I don't think you were being harsh. Posters are saying what I know to be true. I just need to sort it out.

Last night he was shattered and although cross not to get endless snacks and extra stories, he accepted it and went to sleep at nine. However, he came into our bed at about 1am, and I sent him back to bed (had to lie next to him but he went back to sleep immediately) but then came back again at about 3 am and got into bed without me even noticing, then kept me awake kicking and turning on and off till morning. I was pondering doing what the mum of twins did on another thread (hers were little) - putting a bolt in the inside of our bedroom door and going out to settle him when he wakes.

Thanks to all posters for their support!

[AmeliaJack]

I have a tall 9 yo who is nearly the same height as me. That should be irrelevant.

You aren't in charge because you are physically stronger. You are in charge because you are his Mother.

You need to be a lot stricter. You are doing him a disservice otherwise.

Find your firm "Mum" voice and put on your big girl pants.

[BitOutOfPractice]

every I hope I wasn't too harsh. I am certainly not a perfect parent by any means

I think you might be mistaking being lenient with being a kind loving mom. But kids need boundaries and to know where they stand. they flourish in a kind, firm but fair environment. It's actually kinder to have those boundaries in place

And I think you'll all be happier with some more sleep!

Good luck

[CwtchMeQuick]

Admittedly DS is only 4.5 but I do think you need to take back control. You shouldn't have to lie next to a 7yo to get them to sleep and tbh I don't think he should be getting in with you in the night!

You need to get strict. It's okay to get cross if he isn't doing as he's told, he needs to know you're serious. Bedtime is when you say it is and shouting you or leaving his room after that time is not acceptable and I'd be taking away privileges. I'd do supper at 7pm, bath/shower 7.30, in bed having read a story with you for 8. Maybe let him read a book or colour quietly in bed until 8.30, go in and kiss goodnight, lights out. If he gets out of bed give him one chance to go back to bed or he'll lose tv/games console or whatever time the next day. If he carries on tell him bedtime will be even earlier, he acts like a baby you will treat him like one.

Good luck! I know it's hard but it'll be so worth it to have a tough week or two and get your adult time back in the evenings!

[smartiecake]

Why is he colouring at 8.30? You need to be much much firmer. I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old and we have a strict 7pm no more gadgets - youngest has a bath and then he goes to bed at 8.15. The older one is at secondary but he is in bed for 9 reading and then asleep hopefully by 9.30. We are up before 7am. I am a hard ass! By 9pm i have had enough after a day at work as well I need to sit down for an hour before collapsing into bed myself. I think you need to set some strict time schedules that he understands and give him a warning that the time is coming up. Set your rules now and adjust them as they get older but seriously he needs to be in bed way earlier now and for the next few years. I can't imagine mine having a 10pm bedtime until they are 16!

[everymummy]

thanks bit I'm shaking myself now. In truth, he's not doing very well at school because although very good, sweet and compliant, he does gaze out the window a lot. I wonder if he's not getting deep sleep what with all the late nights and nighttime migrations, and more boundaries would help him.

I've actually brought up a teenager who was not my son, and was so strict (but he is flourishing now) - somehow it's not so easy with this one.

He's generally not difficult or stubborn so I think he will respond well when I get my act together.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Sorry about all the typos.

[BitOutOfPractice]

You need to take back control.

The fact that he's a big strapping 7yo is even more reason that this is ridiculous. She's not a toddler and old enough to know who is in charge and do as he's told.

Incidentally, I don't know why you keep mentioning his size. Nobody is suggesting you manhandle him. But he should know that when you say "get to bed. Now!" You mean it.

You are being so so soft on him and you can see that it's not doing him any favours. In fact it's probably affecting his education. Is that serious enough for you to get a grip of the situation.

I am no Victorian parent believe me. But when I speak in a certain voice my kids know that they need to do as they're told.

Come on op. I want to cone round to yours and give you a little shake. You must be knackered

[everymummy]

I can't explain why I can't get my child to go to bed - I know it sounds so easy to everyone and I should just get on with it. But like batwoman I don't seem to have control. He a strapping, vigorous 7 year old, not a toddler, so I don't think just telling him to get back to bed is going to work.

It's actually even worse that I've described, because he won't go to sleep in his own room unless I lie next to him until he's fast asleep then creep out. Then, a few hours later he wakes up and slides into our bed without waking us - until I realise I can't sleep because someone is thrashing around trying to get peak snuggle.

Go on, tell me I need to take back control

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Fewer words needed and no engagement.

Bed. Now.


How about introducing some more sport in the early evening so he's more tired?

[BathshebaDarkstone]

Give him a big supper, put water by his bed, give him a bedside lamp or a torch, he can read, colour or do anything quiet until he falls asleep, he only needs to leave his room for the loo.

If he comes into you, say "night night, it's bedtime" and ignore him until he goes back to bed.

Good luck!

[Batwomanrisesagain]

I sympathise OP, I am having exactly the same issue with my 7 year old sleeping 10-8. No adult time at all and I'm fed up. I can't even articulate why I can't get him to bed and why I don't have control. It's a mess.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Trying to wind it up? Trying? Cone on op! Who's in charge here?

[BathshebaDarkstone]

DD 9 takes an hour to fall asleep. She reads, colours, anything that won't wake DS 5 up until she falls asleep.

[SausageFarmer]

How's it going?

[everymummy]

He had forest school today so was running around in the cold all day, camp fire and hot chocolate, then a long play outside after school. It's half eight now and he is drawing on our bed. I'm trying to wind it up.

[juliascurr]

from experience; move waking up/bed time by 15 mins at a time, it works much easier and better

sweet dreams