When did motherhood get easier/more enjoyable for you?

[golfmonkey]

I am having a down day despite the glorious weather and the fact I have 2 napping children (albeit with one attached to me).

With dd1 I remember hating motherhood until about 4 months when things felt a bit more manageable and I started getting a couple of longer stretches of sleep. I enjoyed it even more after going back to.work part time at 8 months and really felt I was loving it when dd1 started sleeping through more often than not. She is 21 months and learning to talk and despite the challenges it is brill.

Dd2 is however a terrible sleeper and 4.5 months and I am not enjoying things at all despite her being lovely in all other ways and feeling absolute delight seeing them interact with each other. I wonder if she continues to be a terrible sleeper will I still one day feel like I'm on top of things and enjoying life? And I wonder if being on mat leave again where one day just runs into the next is the reason I'm finding things extra hard, or is it just having 2 kids in general?

I'm genuinely interested in how other mums feel and your experiences, especially those.with bad sleepers or 2 close together.

• did you ever feel like a 'natural' parent?
  
• have you had a favourite age, or have things just continued to get more.enjoyable?
  
• did you prefer mat leave, SAHP or working after kids and why?
  
• if you had/have a bad sleeper into toddler/childhood have you found it easier to cope at any point?
  
• if you have more than one child how did the second and subsequent children change your enjoyment/dynamic/coping ability?
  

Would love to hear your honest opinions even if they are that you've loved motherhood from day 1!

[Northend77]

I am a first time mum to twin girls who are 2 in October so we haven't had that much time to compare the months but I don't think I smiled much until they were about 4 months old and certainly didn't hug them for my own benefit until about the same time
I seem to enjoy them more as they get older, I'm definitely not one who wishes for the newborn days back! I love watching them develop and figure things out for themselves

I never felt like a natural parent and have never had that maternal instinct however everyone has always said I'd be a great mum and kids always seem to gravitate towards me so I must be doing something right!! I am one of those ultra prepared mums (I guess you have to be with twins!) and I have felt more at ease with parenting as they have become more independent - I'd rather sit back slightly and encourage the development of a toddler than fully support a newborn

I went back to work full time (mon-fri, 9-5) when they were 9 months old and I love it - I need it! I find I'm exhausted after a weekend with them (as much as I enjoy it as well) and enjoy not being a SAHP. I have huge respect for SAHP (those who put effort into entertaining and developing their children every day themselves) as I know I couldn't do it - I don't have the patience or inclination
My girls have been terrible sleepers! They have always gone to bed without much fuss but both were waking up to 15 times a night between midnight and 5am until they were about 8 months old. One got a bit better after this and slept from about 7pm to 5am without too much fuss in the night about half of the time. The other has only just started sleeping through (at 21 months). We started putting them to bed at 8pm which worked better and they go to between 6 and 6:30 now. Occasionally one will wake before 6am but we are able to settle them back to sleep easily enough. We have just introduced a Gro Clock whilst they're still in their cots. We are now gradually working the bedtime back to 7:30pm
x

[NickyEds]

I found the first month with ds unbelievably stressful and difficult but once we got feeding sorted out I loved being with him! I got pregnant when he was around 10 months and found that very, very hard what with morning sickness etc. I feel sad when I look back at that time as I don't think I was a terribly good mother to him whilst heavily pregnant.

When dd was born the first 6 months were hard. Dd was a terrible napper and I would struggle to get her enough sleep during the day which led to hysterical screaming in the evenings-absolutely awful. I also had them both all of the time dp was working. Things got considerably easier when ds started a morning a week at pre school and dd started to crawl (and nap in her cot during the day!).

Now they are 2.8 years and 13 months and it's lovely.....but they both sleep well (7.30-7 and 7.30)and they both eat well. Things are also easier now they both nap at the same time during the day, this is quite recent and means that on days we are home I get 2 hours between 1 and 3 to get on with things. I'm also lucky in that I have a supportive dp and no significant money problems. I can go out an evening a week if I want too. Ds has the usual toddler tantrums which I sometimes find difficult bloody infuriating and he has some speech delay which is a worry but I feel able to cope. I sort of think I'm a natural parent but I'm not sure that's how other people would describe me!

[KayJBee]

Mine are 9,7 and 4. I'd say since the youngest has turned 4.
We are past the nappy/naps/buggy stage.
They can all get dressed, put shoes on, get breakfast etc by themselves.

We can pretty much just leave the house as we are, no spare clothes, special food, special cups. Heck, they can even get in the car and do their own seatbelts!

Obviously just because they CAN do all of the above does not mean they actually do it when I want them to do it but....... hey ho.

[Huishnish]

chatty your post really rang true for me. I have two DSs, 23 months and 4 months. I feel lucky if I get to the end of the day and everyone is still alive! Some days there are a lot of tears from all 3 of us. I can remember things getting easier when DS1 was a year old and reliably sleeping through- he was a terrible sleeper until then- so am hoping when DS2 is 1 life will be a bit more manageable. I did also find going back to work after DS1 helped ALOT. Just having an hour's lunch break or time to sit and finish a cup of tea or even just drive there on my own felt like a massive treat! Think I'm not much of a natural so struggled with the endless groundhog day thing. Am hoping going back to work part time when DS2 is 7 months will mean I look forward to spending time with them again, although I know I'll spend every minute of the first few days back doing nothing but thinking about the wee rascals!

[Chattycat78]

How old are yours now Jelly? any tips? Haha. Some days are a nightmare.....

[cornishglos]

Definitely feel I am a natural and I love the baby days. For me it only gets harder. I now have a 2.5yo and a 10mo. I love being at home with them but am exhausted as he 10mo only gives me 2-3 hour stretches of sleep at night. Mat leave is nearly over and I am dreading work.

[jellycat1]

chatty another one! We should have a 17month age gap thread. Routine had been king for me too. I'm back to work very soon and need to get my zeds.

[Chattycat78]

I'm currently living this. I have a 19 month old ds and a 12 week old ds(17 month gap).

Right now, life is very very hard. I struggle to get one moment to myself (day or night!) . I also feel like I'm in survival mode to get through the day and definitely not like a natural parent.

I'm clinging to the time when ds2 sleeps through (whenever that will be....?!) and he is old enough to interact and play with his brother so I can have a cuppa in peace!

[HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow]

Honestly I've always loved it - but j think a bit part of it is the routine. We used Gina ford and knowing my DS goes to bed at 7 and isn't up again until 7 means I'm a better mother - I can really focus on and enjoy him when he's awake but j get the evenings to myself with my DH.

[golfmonkey]

So lovely to hear everyone's responses thank you! AJMcF your post has been very encouraging that I am not too far off things improving! It's also nice I guess that everyone is different and have enjoyed different stages.

I really do feel like once both children can talk things will be much better with or without sleep, that just seems so far away and I guess I don't want to be wishing their babyhood away. Hoping that going back to work might be better for me personally too.

It's also nice to know that some people are just more natural than others. I have a friend who has just taken to motherhood amazingly and I am really envious that she just literally loves every second with her dd. Mind you, she has a baby who has slept through every night since age 4 weeks bar 2 nights (now 7 months!!!!!!).

[thatsn0tmyname]

My children (boy and girl) are nearly 5 and nearly 3. I work part time. They sleep well and are pretty independent. They can play together nicely and are easier than when they were 2 and new born. However, they can fight like cat and dog, can't sit still, constantly demand attention, be completely unreasonable and can ruin what should be a nice day out. Twice this week I've had parents have a go at me in playgrounds because they're being bullish towards their children. I've had enough. Sorry!

[BackforGood]

Surely the true answer is when they've all grown up and left home ?

In all seriousness, I think once they - and therefore you - sleep through it makes a tremendous difference, because I reckon everyone does better on a good night's sleep.
It changes a lot when they can talk, too. Not being able to communicate can be a frustrating time.
After that, I remember feeling a real breakthrough once they were old enough to be able to leave one home alone for a bit - it just opened up all sort of options.
Teens are the best time though

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I remember saying, when DS was 3 months old, that if I could live any time of my life again it would be those 3 months with a newborn. What the hell was I thinking? I mean, with the benefit of hindsight it is just torture!

[OiWithThePoodlesAlready]

I felt like a natural parent. I had dd1 quite young and was a single mum but it just seemed right. Being the first of my friends to have kids was tough though and I felt lonely a lot. That massively improved when dd started nursery and then school and I made friends with some of the other mums.

She was a terrible sleeper but I wasn't working when she was small so I coped okay with that. She is 6 now and still isn't great at night times tbh. Looking back at her babyhood and toddler years I can see that it was tough but it felt okay at the time if that makes sense. Because she was my first I just thought that's how it was for everyone so I just got on with it. I vividly remember the mornings of counting down the minutes till cbeebies came on air whens you've been up half the night anyway.

My favourite age is where she is now I think (age 6). She's so funny and great company. We have very similar personalities so get along well. She has always had a fierce independent streak so is pretty low maintenance. She can throw a hell of a tantrum though.

I was a sahm until dd1 was 2 which I liked but it was slightly dull. I stared working part time which I really enjoyed. However I'm on mat leave again now and am loving it, not finding it boring at all and will only be going back to work one day a week if at all.

Dd2 is 7 months and has just slotted in wonderfully. It helps that she is possibly the happiest baby in the world. Doesn't like sleeping much though

We're going to try for number 3 soon and I am nervous about having 2 close in age. Having dd1 in school half day makes things a hell of alot easier!

[elQuintoConyo]

DS became 'bearable' (for want of a better word) around 3/3.5. Colicky baby, terrible sleeper, clingy, didnt like other people.

At 3yo a little light switched on and although half the day he is a purple minion, he is very independent, imaginative, sociable. And still very snuggly.

He is 4.8 now and just lovely.

I am in no way a natural parent, zero experience of kids before having our own. Just winging it.

[OutOfTime]

DC 1 about 4/5 became easier, and more enjoyable. dc2 I've genuinely enjoyed it and found it easy ish from day 1. I'm sure this is because I realised how much stress is put on myself with dc1 worrying they weren't sleeping or going to tantrum, not eating etc. With dc2 I know however bad it gets soon it'll be forgotten and I'll miss them as a 1/2/3/4 yo and realise how much I've forgotten

Dc2 is a much easier child though! Floats through life with a smile and a funny dance! Dc1 goes against the tide at all times and will argue black is white until you start to believe it that might be the truth of it!

[phoenix1973]

It got easier around 4-5 years. I hated the baby toddler years.
Age 7-9 has been enjoyable.
However, she's started getting lippy which I don't like. She's 10 in September.
I was sahm for 5 years. Solely because I was on a shit salary and no benefits plus no part time allowance. So ccare would have been more than wages. It was a dead end job which I had not held for long and the pregnancy was unplanned.

[ErgonomicallyUnsound]

Around 6 yo, and get easier each year. One of each, one now 12 and one now 10.

Expecting teen years to be somewhat different.

[Waitingfordolly]

Around about five or six. Then it started being a nightmare again when DD was 12.

[jellycat1]

Oh shit salty

[EmmaMacgill]

Don't ask me about the teenage years though!

[EmmaMacgill]

3 Up till then he was just hard work and then he suddenly transformed into my best friend

[SaltyMyDear]

When they were all in secondary!

Baby years and primary years were horrendous for me.

[jellycat1]

I also think 17mth age gap will be hellish and fabulous in equal proportion! Time will tell!

[jellycat1]

Wow OP I have almost exactly the same aged kids as you! A month or so ahead of you and two boys instead of two girls! Also not a 'natural' but dont think I'm too shabby. For me the lack of sleep makes me feel ill and anxious and generally miz, so a combination of luck and stubbornness (mainly luck) means we have quite good sleepers now. Ds1 was hard work as a small baby and I found first mat leave really hard. He's very good now and I've found since he can eat any food (in theory!) and entertain himself with his cars and trains etc life has become a lot easier. All hail the goddess that is Peppe Pig too. Back to work soon but planning to reevaluate the career I have at the moment so that i can spend more time with them. I'm looking forward to ds1 being 3/4 so we can have proper chats.