I think i've made a big mistake.

[MrsSpecter]

DS is 7 and has never properly toilet trained wrt pooing. Peeing he got the hang of instantly but not so with the other. (He is in the process of being assessed for autism and ADHD and also awaiting a paediatrician assessment for the toilet issue.) Unless i make him sit on the toilet he wont go and he will have an accident. He doesnt always know if his pants are clean or dirty when i ask.

The mistake is that i have agreed to him going on a 2 night camp with his beaver group without even thinking of his toilet issues. I know how stupid i've been. It just didnt enter my head, he had missed a couple of nights at beavers and i was only reminded about the camp on Monday when i collected him so made an on the spot decision. The camp is tonight. He is all geared up to go and i've been trying really hard ever since monday to get him to go to the toilet when he feels he needs to but it just isnt happening and I know he will have accidents when he is away with beavers. He wont tell his leaders he has had an accident either so he will just stay in dirty pants. Its not fair to send him. I feel like crap and its going to break his heart but there isnt a way round this is there? I can't expect the leaders to constantly remind him/force him to sit on the toilet. They wont always be near toilets.

[AnyFucker]

Brilliant

[MrsSpecter]

Yes very happy for him and a lot less worried about any future camps although none for a few months at least so hopefully we'll make progress with the toilet by then. Thanks scholtzy

[Scholtzy]

Aww that's great news! Glad to hear he had a good time and big well done to him for cleaning himself up and asking the leaders for help when he needed it, you must be really chuffed with him

[MrsSpecter]

He had a brilliant time. He did have two accidents but managed to clean himself up and just had to ask his leader what to do with his dirty pants. He doesnt seem too traumatised by it at least. But overall he had a blast and is exhausted

[Scholtzy]

How did he get on MrsSpecter? Did he have a good time?

[AnyFucker]

Oh yeah, forgot you might need to head off. Have a

[MrsSpecter]

Thank you AF, i'll settle for tea just incase i have to go and collect him or change him but yes, chill. I will chill.

[AnyFucker]

Chill. Have a

This could be his turning point. And if it isn't, no biggie... he will have a great time and you can pick up where you left off on his return.

[MrsSpecter]

Yes they are fantastic people! Volunteering to clean the shitty arses of children they dont own. Medals required for that alone!

Couldnt find any digital watches in B&M but i think i got the message through to him about going after every meal, when he wakes, before bed and every time the leader tells him to. Hopefully that covers it and he will manage ok. I carry a small change bag in my handbag that has wipes, nappy sacks, spare pants and hand sanitiser so i just transferred that to his rucksack and showed him where it was. I think that would seem like less of a faff to him than trying to hoke for his clean pants and have to carry them to the loo infront of his friends. Easier to carry a small bag with everything in and he knows just to bag up wipes and pants and tie a knot and bin it. Did also put far too many spare pants in a pocket on their own and showed him so he knows where to go for extras. Just incase. I need to stop worrying.

[Scholtzy]

Haha! Good stuff! So he should be ok this evening then, fingers crossed X

[AnyFucker]

Hope he has a lovely time. That leader sounds great. Glad to know there are people like that in the world.

[Gazelda]

Hope he has a fantastic time.

And this is another reminder of how wonderful and giving people who volunteer as Beaver, Brownie, Cadet etc leaders are.

Try not to worry about it while he's away.

[MrsSpecter]

Well he's been and had a lovely poo just now and we're about to set off. Fingers crossed all goes well.

[Scholtzy]

Think the watch is a good idea and hopefully lots of encouragement from the leaders. Hope all goes well for him! Xx

[MrsSpecter]

I would offer bribes (have done in the past) but tbh he would lie in order to get it and i wouldnt be able to know either way whether he had been accident free or not.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

That is brilliant news!! Delighted for you and ds

Write it on his wrist? Offer a really good bribe?

Hope he has a great time!

[MrsSpecter]

We've had a good chat btw and will remind him again when i drop him off.

[MrsSpecter]

No i dont have anything like that, i dont even have a watch i could set an alarm on either as i was thinking that would be a good idea. I think i'll nip down to B&M and buy one of their cheap watches.

[Scholtzy]

Hmmmm do you have an old phone/iPod or something like this you could set timers on if you know what time mealtimes are at? You could set it to go off 20/30 mins or so after to remind him to go? Not sure if that's a realistic task for him or not? Otherwise you may just have to remind the leaders to really encourage them to go to the loo after eating, perhaps if his friends are going he'll want to go? Sorry don't feel like these are really helpful ideas!

[MrsSpecter]

Thank you scholtzy

Does anyone have any suggestions for how i can get him to remember to go at say after breakfast/lunch dinner?

[Scholtzy]

Hope he has a great time with his friends, it's great that the leader is being so helpful and understanding meaning you can feel a little more at ease that he's cared for and they'll call if they need you, enjoy your weekend

[MrsSpecter]

Have spoken to leader who said to bring him and she will make him go to the toilet regularly and is happy to help him change if he needs to. She is also happy for me to come out tomorrow evening after dinner if necessary and see to him. I will try and get him to go to the loo here before he goes tonight and have a chat to make sure he knows when to try the toilet and that when his leader says to go he has to go.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

Yes, the equality policy will definitely mean ds should be able to go on camps and have his toileting needs catered for - however as the OP is saying, it does take time and notice to plan and put together arrangements for a child, and it will depend a lot on things like the venue, staffing, itinerary (things which might have been planned to be suitable for ds's needs if they had known) and whether the leader has time today to make whatever plans or changes ds would need. It wouldn't be against equality policy or the Equality Act if they have to say at this point sorry, it's just too late to be able to set up what ds needs this time.

OP completely get that when it's every day normal at home you don't automatically think of it being any issue.

[MrsSpecter]

Yes i make him go before school in the morning, as soon as we get in from school (or the childminder does when he is with her), around half an hour after dinner and before bed. He will often refuse to eat breakfast and sometimes dinner so it isnt always prefictable when he will need to go. He also gets very frustrated with having to sit on the toilet and insists he doesnt need to go.

[Believeitornot]

Does he have a rhythm to when he needs to go? So could you tell him to go at X o'clock, before bed and after breakfast for example?