Having two babies less than 18mo old: insanity or brilliance?

[2ManySweets]

Evening all

I had my first baby 10 weeks ago and we always planned to have another quite quickly after.

I had a CS and assuming my gynae passes me as fit and healthy I'm hoping to get lucky and conceive in the autumn when my DC1 will be 6 months old.

Just interested in people's experiences of having babies with a less than 18mo difference between them (especially after a CS). How did it work out for you? And what are the pros and cons?

And also posting for coping techniques 😉

TIA

2Many x

[NickyEds]

We started ttc when ds was 7 months (well I didn't get a period until 7.5 months, a month after I stopped bf) and ended up with a 19 month gap. I found pregnancy very hard. I threw up every day, at least once a day for the first 10-12 weeks but felt that horrid nausea all of the time. This made it really hard to get out and about with ds so we were cooped up in a small house too much(we moved when I was 8 months gone and that was a total pita too!). The end of the pregnancy was tough too as I was just too big and hot. I had to be scanned every week due to concerns about dd's growth and we were always kept waiting for hours which was a nightmare with a little toddler. However shit the pregnancy was I love the age gap now dd is here! Dd is 9 months now and watching them together is so sweet. We always had in mind that we might want a third and as I'm 36 so we didn't want to hang about. Sadly I don't think we can realistically afford a third .

[2ManySweets]

Wow; three under three is hardcore. It's more than likely that we'll end up with two only but the option of a third is something I'd like to keep in play.

[Nospringflower]

I have 13 months between my youngest 2 and I wouldn't do it as I think the older one doesn't get as much attention as they deserve. They are still a baby when the new baby comes and needs more care. It probably wasn't helped by having an older sib so again, 3 under 3. Maybe if stuck at 2 it wouldn't be so bad.

[neversleepagain]

Meant to add, my body only felt back to normal(ish) 18 months after my c section. I did have twins though and my body was knackered!

[ayesar]

I have a 20 month gap between my 2 boys, so s bit more than what you are planning. To be very honest, if I could do it again, I would have waited longer and had a 3 year gap. The first year with both of them was bad, I wanted to scream and pull out my hair every night. I remember thinking that I could never have another child again because it was so painfully hard for me. And that's when the children didn't even interact with each other. My oldest didn't have any interest in the baby.

Then as they got older the jealousy kicked in, at full force. They are 3 and almost 5 now and the oldest is still so jealous. It is hard to deal with. They fight ALL the time. I personally find it a difficult dynamic to deal with and I think it's good to either have them really close (1year apart) or 3 plus years apart, but not 2 lol

[Cornishclio]

I had 17 months between my two DD and it was incredibly hard. I had a difficult pregnancy with the 2nd DC and developed an ovarian cyst which was picked up at my 12 week scan and had to have an ovarectomy at 14 weeks pregnant meaning I could not drive or pick up my one year old DC for 6 weeks. Not sure if this was because my body had not had a chance to recover from first pregnancy but that was one reason put forward. High bp in final stages of pregnancy meant several hospitalisations which all took its toll on my eldest DC and youngest DD had to be induced at 36 weeks. Horrendous pregnancy which put me off having any more combined with fact DD2 had severe colic and hardly slept. Those early years were a nightmare so no I would not have such a short gap again given the choice.

As my two DDs grew older it obviously got easier and they played well together and had similar interests in their teens and still get on well together now they are adults but I think this would have happened with a slightly bigger gap anyway. The cost of having 2 toddlers in childcare was extremely high when I went back to part time work and having 2 at university at the same time as only one school year between them was also costly. There was also fierce competitiveness between them as they grew up and I think they both suffered from having limited one on one time.

My DD2 has just had her first baby 6 months ago and says she will not be having a 2nd one any time soon!

[neversleepagain]

My sister has 12 months between her DC, both c sections.

Her ds1 was a big 11 pounder and she fell pregnant when ds1 was 5 months (planned). She went into labour at 28 weeks which they managed to hold off until 31 weeks. Her gynecologist told her that her uterus hadn't recovered from the first pregnancy and that ideally she should have waited at least 18 months.

She is now pregnant with ds3 which means 3 DC 3 and under!

[Canyouforgiveher]

11 months between my youngest two. Lots of pros and cons but overall I love the small age gap.

My mum was 11 months younger than her brother. She was one of 6 and had more in common with other sibs but all her life she had a very special bond with each other. They died a year apart too.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

11 months between my youngest two. Lots of pros and cons but overall I love the small age gap.

I think the lack of recovery time between pregnancies isn't great for your body tbh.
I also found it quite hard coping with early pg and night feeds simultaneously.
But it is definitely easier dealing with a baby rather than a stroppy toddler when heavily pg.

I had two non-walkers for quite a long time. That was a bit of a pain at times.
I definitely adjusted my expectations of what we could do a lot. Having said that we did fly abroad on holiday when youngest was about 10 weeks old, so it's not like we gave up on life either And actually it meant I took the pressure off myself and was much more relaxed.

There was no initial jealousy - don't think dc2 even realised dc3's existence for a while! But as they have got older they can be very competitive with each other.
Emotionally, I'm not sure it was the best thing for dc2 (it wasn't planned)

You're already in the swing of baby stuff so that's all very easy. You may have several years where a full night's sleep is very elusive - if one of them sleeps through you can bet your life the other one will wake.
The flip side is that it can feel like stages are over very quickly. When they started school, I felt like I went from having 2 children at home to none way too fast.

The worst bit was having 2 toddlers with double tantrums and them running in opposite directions. Thankfully that stage was shortlived!

As they get older, it's great. They can do the same stuff, share friends, look out for each other, play together loads and do generally get on very well.

[2ManySweets]

Thank you Matter and to everyone who posted in this thread xx

[iMatter]

Go for it 2many.

As I said, I wouldn't change it for the world.

[alliemay]

I have 15.5 months between DS and DD. Both were emergency sections and actually recovered better second time around because I knew what I was doing.

We're 7 months in now and it's just starting to get easier. Now that DD is sitting up she loves watching her big brother play and it makes me so proud to see the bond they have.
Hardest part has definitely been having to meet the demands of a v active toddler on very little sleep

[HelloIAmBaymax]

11&1/2 months between DS1 and DD1.
Neither were CS.
Both pregnancies were incredibly easy. I didn't even find out I was pregnant with DD1 until I was already 20weeks.
As young children they were incredibly close. When DS1 started school, they seemed to drift apart a bit.
From ages 11/12 until 16/17 they didn't really get on very well. They are VERY different. But now that they have both left school and are at different colleges, they are really friendly again and get on really well.

Looking after them as young children was pretty straightforward. Being close in age meant that they usually enjoyed the same sort of things so toys and days out were not at all challenging.

[2ManySweets]

To those of you who've had DC1 then twins - man I take my hat off to you (and all the mums tbf) - it's something we could handle financially but I'd have to quit work. Not something I'd 100% welcome but could do it. I know how very lucky I am to be in this situation.

SPD is something I worry about; I didn't have it in pregnancy but carrying my 5.5kg bundle about and having her in my arms when I stand up from sitting on the floor has led to a couple of "ooh" niggles in that area. I'm seeing a physio soon to hopefully ward off anything nasty.

Having my baby was - for the first 6 weeks - mental. Not having a manual for babies is hard! But I'm keen to do it again. As an only child I'd like to try and avoid my DC being in that position if poss, just from personal experience.

[bigarse1]

I had 3 that were 2 and under at one point!! a 2 year old and twin newborns. now they are 5 and 2x2 year olds. it was really hard at first (especially as the twins are poorly/disabled so have never slept more than 2 hours), but now it is great! they are all massive friends and while they do fight they also play together brilliantly. days out are ok cos they are all in to the same things. wouldn't he planned it this way but actually its great xxx

[Canyouforgiveher]

This is great, I'm just keen to find out Matter and Forgive if your 2nd pregnancy was smooth, your GP/midwife was fine or concerned, what - if any - extra support (medically) you had to get?

I had an easy third pregnancy-except for terrible itch and heartburn. I was in my later 30s but slim and fit to start. OB had no particular concerns and I worked up until a few days before my section. I also travelled for work long-haul during the pregnancy.

[AKissACuddleAndACheekyFinger]

I seem to remember writing this somewhere else too...always bear in mind the possibility of ending up with more than two under two! There are 17 months between our eldest and our next beautifuls....a set of twins! I look back now and it's all just a blur...but they get on very well and always have but then again we have had three more since then too so it can't be all bad!

[DramaAlpaca]

I have 16 months between my first two, though neither were born by cs. They are both boys and have grown up as best friends.

It was tough at first and tbh I have difficulty remembering DS2's first year, but we coped. It can't have been too bad because I had DC3 a couple of years later, and ended up with three under 4 for a while.

[2ManySweets]

The friends thing seems to stand up; granted I have every confidence DC1 is more likely than not to use DC2 as a cushion or footstool 😂 but of the friends I know who are close to their siblings it's the ones who have > 18mo between them.

The biggest concerns I have are cantered around the physical side really. I'm v v lucky that I'm in good nick for someone who used to sit at a desk all day and has a balancedish diet albeit one high in walnut whips and pg#1 was - quite frankly - a breeze. I also conceived after 12 weeks of trying so if lightning strikes twice I just want to make sure I'm not going to do anything to jack up the likliehood of the pregnancy failing tbh.

To a PP, absolutely hear you re; leaving it a bit longer but I'm knocking on a bit and would like to leave the door open for a potential DC3. The jealousy thing (or hopefully lack of jealousy thing) is just what I'd like to happen.

Ps; I tried to bf with DC1 and it was more miss than hit. She's been on formula full time now since week 8.

[Notso]

Posted two soon. In contrast my older two are 4 years apart, never any jealousy or rivalry but they have zero in common.

[scandichick]

I second what Confused says - pregnancy and childbirth takes such a toll on your body, if time is on your side fertility-wise I really would wait just a few months longer to minimize problems.

I have a 21 month gap, and eight months in the eldest is getting easier all time (now grasps the concept of 'later' - when she wants to...). If I could have chosen when to become pregnant, I would have waited a little longer.

Is your first a good sleeper? If you have no experience with a bad one, I'd take that into account as well - not all second-borns sleep well bitter

[Notso]

My third and fourth are 16 months apart. For me it was hard being pregnant and having a non-walking baby to look after towards the end.
DC4 was a dream baby so the first year to 18 months was easy and then it was hell. Constant competition between the two of them, daily fights, injuries, biting scratching etc.
They are now 5 and 4 and I think school and being separated has been really beneficial to them. They play together really well and the fighting has really dropped off.

[MrsMarigold]

15 months apart. DC1 c-section, DC2 VBAC - super hard work make sure you are well supported. As I type mine are hitting each other with lego. Great friends but I can't remember much of their babyhoods.