10 week old 'high needs' baby with bad gas & overwhelmed mum

[cosmicdancer89]

Hi everyone,

I'm writing this more for reassurance/the sake of ranting and getting it all out than actual concrete advice, as I think I've tried everything and now I just need to gather the strength to 'ride it out..'

I have a beautiful 10 week old boy, he was an unplanned baby that caught me off guard but my partner and I were still very excited about his arrival and obviously love him to bits.

My family don't live in the UK and neither do my partner's, so we've largely been alone. My mum came for a week but she can't do more as she herself has my teenage sister to look after, my dad works full time. My partner works very long shifts, averaging on 60+ hours a week, so I'm largely alone at home with my baby.

My LO has had pains with gas basically from week 1, the farty/tummy kind, we've tried gripe water/infacol/etc.etc. sometimes it helped, usually it's useless. Have been doing baby massage which seems to alleviate the discomfort but again, not always. I breastfeed on demand, and he's been growing wonderfully. He's recently started sleeping about 4-5 hour stretches at night which is great; except he gets gas pains in the early mornings sometimes and just screams in pain for about an hour, unconsolably. The day times are HARD. He is very, very difficult to settle to nap. Generally, he ONLY sleeps in the sling. Sometimes in the pram, but only if I'm power walking with him for miles, I can't trick him into rocking him in the pram. He'll sleep in his bedside cot at night but not during the day. So I end up having to wear him. Which is fine. Except he is 5.6 kg now and I'm 5'3 and quite little (and exhausted!) to carry that much weight on my shoulders for 6+ hours a day. My back is killing me and I just want some 'me' time (which means just literally to be able to take a 25 minute bath, I'm not asking to go out drinking with friends).

I've been struggling with coping with his cries. I love him, but when he cries I have begun to feel like I'm about to lose it. It wasn't this bad before. I think I was hoping things would get easier by this point, past the 6 week mark, but they haven't in my case. It's upsetting seeing the girls from my NCT course with their babies because they're all MUCH more settled and calmer than mine. We were over at one of the girls' houses the other day, they all managed to leave their babies on the play mat/bouncer/in pram and I was the only one with my baby attached to me... and it's not like I 'spoil' him, I just can't put him down or else he cries hysterically. I have tried putting him down and letting him cry but only lasted about 5 minutes because I don't really believe in controlled crying, at least not at this age.

I feel very alone and isolated, as my old friends are in a very different stage of their lives (starting careers, finishing uni, being single and partying) and without family support I feel like I'm starting to slip into PND zone. I feel like if I could at least put him down during the day to sleep for 45 min in his cot so that I would have the chance to not have to have him in the sling, get a moment to exercise (I find it helps relieve the stress), I'd be doing better. The worst is I'm starting to lash out at my partner because I'm resentful that he gets to not have to deal with our very difficult 'high needs' baby 24/7, and since he works in the pub/hospitality industry, he's always surrounded by a social atmosphere whilst I spend a lot of time alone, either going on super long walks in the sling or at home attempting to pass my day without feeling bored out of my mind and exhausted at the same time.

Everyone says "it gets better" and I can see a change in the babies from my NCT course. They're a lot quieter and easier to handle, but my little man seems to have stayed the same, if not gotten worse. I know half the time it's gas pain and isn't his fault, but the other half he's just being a very demanding baby who's only happy if held or cuddled. And sometimes even that won't help -- because he's so difficult to settle to sleep, he gets overtired, and then all hell break's loose and he is hysterical. That's what I find the hardest, I've had to leave him screaming whilst I make a cup of herbal tea and catch my breath because I've felt myself boil up with anger and distress when nothing I do consoles him..

I just need to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I've never felt so isolated, helpless, overwhelmed and physically exhausted :(

[Emmie10]

It is totally normal to feel overwhelmed with a baby who cries a lot. You are doing a great job and some babies cry more than others. My daughter sounds a lot like your little one. She slept pretty well overnight but barely napped during the day, wouldn't sit and play nicely in a bouncer/ play mat/ jumperoo like my friends babies and seemed to be in a great deal of discomfort. She had silent reflux which we didn't medicate for although did use a herbal remedy called Bubble B Gone which helped her sore tummy and calmed her. 12 weeks was a huge turning point and then once she learned to sit up herself at 5 months she was a different baby.

[JassyRadlett]

There are lots and lots of the Bjorn bouncers on eBay - worth a look. They're brill as babies feel better supported/enclosed I think.

Sorry the swing hasn't worked, it was our saviour!

DS suddenly got 100 times better at 13 weeks. It was an overnight thing. He sounds very like yours - very gassy, nighttime sleep ok but daytime a disaster. He also cried exactly six minutes into every daytime feed due to silent reflux. It was just shattering.

[PosterEh]

Yes my windy baby liked the baby bjorn bouncy chair. He spent every evening from about 3months to 6 months sleeping in it in the living room whilst we watched TV (before 3months he was on my chest constantly and after 6m he was in his cot - which was amazing).

He had loads of naps in it too - I would bounce him off to sleep with my foot whilst watching CBeebies reading with my toddler.