Interfering OLD lady during public temper tantrum.....

[undergroundernie]

I need to get this off my chest in order to calm down as I am still shaking. My youngest dd age 2.4 and I were shopping. She was standing in front of her pushchair in the checkout queue and for some strange 2.4 year old reason did not want to get out of the way and so was holding up the queue. I asked her to move, I said it nicely, then firmly then picked her up out of the way. She predictably did not appreciate this and began to scream blue murder. I carried her out of the shop whilst pushing the pushchair and then put her down and held her hand. She was twisting away and trying to fall on the floor. All very age appropriate and irritating, and much worse when you're out in a public place.
Then a well-meaning old dear (for well meaning old dear read INTERFERING TOOTHLESS OLD CRONE) says:

"Be careful with the child she's fallen over twice already."

I was struck dumb, already stressed due to tantruming daughter I just looked at her, smiled (), and said 'thank-you'. How ridiculously polite. I wanted to scream at her but did not. Now I am shaking with anger and keep going over it in my head. Was I hurting her? Should I have handled it differently? Probably but your options are very limited in a crowded market street. I don't think I was hurting her, I was holding tight but just to stop her wriggling off, to keep her safe for a start.

So just to get it off my chest. SHE WAS AN INTERFERING OLD HAG WHO HAD THE CHARM OF MRS MANGEL WITH NO INSIGHT OR EMPATHY WHOSE CHILDREN PROBABLY HATE HER AND WHO DESERVES SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO HER TODAY.

Please say something nice and make me feel better.

[harpsichordcarrier]

god, I really agree with you moondog. good on the old lady for actually giving a shit about someone else's child, even if she got it wrong. if she was well meaning and meant it kindly, then what's the harm?

[cathytom]

what was said to the OP was interfering and offensive IMO, as it implied she had hurt her child, or was not taking care of her. In that situation, I would have been angry and insulted. Just because people get old, does not give them the right to interfere, and say what they like to others. I would only say something to someone, or interfere, if I witnessed someone being abusive towards their child. This was clearly not happening. Maybe the anger expressed towards some elderly people who interfere is because a lot of them behave this way, and think being a certain age gives them right to insult the younger generation. Plenty of mother in laws behave this way towards their daughters in law, and it is destructive to relationships. There are lots of nice elderly people too, and I see many of them in my job, so I am certainly not anti-old people.

[moondog]

I would be far more worried about a world in whch people din't feel (reasonably) free to comment.

In Turkey and Russia where I have lived/live, old women stop you to comment on just about everything.

Frankly,am flattered that they care.
Most people in this country don't give a stuff about small children,one way or t'other.

[bumperlicious]

I love that advert (can't remember what it's for) where a mum and her little boy are in a shop and he throws a tantrum because she won't let him have some crisps so she pretends to throw a tantrum too which shuts him up in an instant and she just calmly does this flick of her head which tells him to come on and stop being such a brat! I want to be that mum in one of these situations!

[undergroundernie]

I don't think this thread is meant to be rude to old people but rude to those who interfere whilst parents are dealing with tantruming children. Hmmm..that tends to be the elderly...

[undergroundernie]

Wow, I didn't realise there were so many messages on here. In response to those who think I am clearly anti OLD people that is not the case. I have much respect for most elderly citizens and was actually polite to her. But this lady gets described as old not elderly as she was rude to me. She was criticising inappropriately and accusing me of hurting my daughter. I was letting off steam in the OP as it had just happened and I was shaking with anger. I salute all those who have the courage to stand up for their principles and put the world to rights. I am far too cowardly to actually intervene publicly and agree that people are to be congratulated for saying what they think.
I couldn't think what to say to her in response at the time I was too shocked. I had to let off steam and they was no-one at home to talk to.

[NotAnOtter]

old bat - i have special powers of insight and 'yes' 'yes' 'i feel a surge coming on ' 'yes' 'you are right' 'her children DESPISE her' meddling old bat - jealous of you!

[JoolsToo]

probably hunker and probably got it in the neck for always dissing the yoof of today

[Mercy]

I don't see the comment as interfering though, merely a comment probably meant kindly tbh.

Some really unpleasant generalisations re older people on this thread.

[hunkermunker]

Can you give us the heads up then, JT? Has the old lady in the OP posted on www.oldandpastit.com to talk about the rude young woman with the child she kept knocking over?

[JoolsToo]

er I think the OP is just venting a bit of frustration - I'm getting a feeling of deja vu here.

I'm old and I'm not offended. She needs to let off steam FGS, whether what the old lady said raises your hackles isn't the point it's how she felt. I hardly think she's about to go out kicking sticks from under old folk.

[bossykate]

agree with you it's not nice to be abusive to old people - but really there must be a special circle in hell for people who interfere when you are clearly doing your best with a tantrumming toddler.

[bossykate]

well my audience weren't old at all!

[hunkermunker]

First time for everything, eh, Mercy

[bossykate]

really sympathise. had to wrestle dd (2y 3m) into her buggy in the playground at the w/e in front of a couple of people commentating in what they clearly thought was a humourous way. I don't think I was meant to hear, but I thought if anyone says any damn thing I'll deck 'em!

[Mercy]

Hunker, I agree with you actually.

[TheDullWitch]

Good for your MIL! I told a huge lunking teenager not to put his shoes on the train seat yesterday and he took them off, looking ashamed. Small victory for civilisation and good public manners, whose last defenders often seem to be old folk.

[southeastastra]

my mil is always telling people off, she can't help it. she tells off people for: spitting in public, pushing in on buses, not giving her a seat as she's a pensioner, the school not letting the children out bang on time and many more. i do sometimes worry she'll tell off the wrong person.

[hunkermunker]

Agree, TDW. The bit in caps in the OP is particularly vile, IMO.

[TheDullWitch]

The vile hate towards old people on this thread is really shocking. I think some of you should be ashamed. "ugly toothless old hag etc" No wonder so little is done to make sure the elderly have proper health treatment and care in homes. They are not seen as human, have no right to say anything, should just shuffle off and die.

[hunkermunker]

I really don't think that what was said to the OP was that big a deal.

But I'm alone in that, clearly!

[JoolsToo]

undergroundernie - probably not your intention, but your OP has made me very nearly er, wet my pants laughing.

[Sprogstersmum]

Competely sympathise as have also had a couple of those everyone starring as DD has a tantrum and feeling like everyone is judging me - one old git told be I should give DD a dummy when she was crying in the supermarket, Agghhh!

[franca70]

dizietsma, something similar happened to me, when dd was seven months old on a flight from milano to london. dd was crying, and there wasn't much I could do (after having fed her, changed her, showed her everything I had in my handbag etc). A woman sitting in the row in front of us started to complai with her husband. At the end of the fllght, I couldn't stand her anymore and I said: "I know it's annoying, but there's nothing much I can do" and she told me I should have stayed at home. I replied I lived in England, I didn't have many option. She said I should have driven back! When the plane lended another woman approached me, saying I had been to kind! I remember that night I couldn't fall asleep, I was furious!

[morningpaper]

You know THIS PLACE is going to be www.toothlessoldcronenet.com in 40 years so watch your mouths, ladies