Adjusting to having only DDs

[MATB1]

Ever since I was little I thought I'd have boys. I have a brother and was a bit of a tomboy. Never really did the whole girlie thing. All of our parents have brothers and DH has a brother. Saying that all the relationships with the brothers aren't great!!

Now I have 2 beautiful DDs and I don't think we'll have any more children so I guess I'll never have a son.

I'm not disappointed with what we've got but I guess I need to get my head around what we haven't got - if that makes any sense at all. DH is a bit sad at not ever having a boy despite being thrilled with our newest dd.

I can't help feeling that people with "one of each" feel luckier/smug about it.

I'm excited for our future and look forward to seeing how my little girls relationship develop with us and with each other - I guess it's just not what I'd ever imagined - and for a control freak planner like me - it feels quite tricky to adjust.

Not really sure why I'm posting - it's not gender disappointment as such so please don't flame e for that.

[dozily]

I love having all girls, and I'm not "girly" in the slightest. Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

[CateBlanket]

Glad to hear it, OP

[MATB1]

The point about mum doing things with the daughter and dad doing things with the son has resonated. My brother was into rugby as was my dad - so the weekends away and matches etc was brilliant for them - a huge social life around their shared interest. And whilst I didn't resent it at the time I can see how I was sidelined whilst all the fun of rugby went on.

Dm and I never had an equivalent "thing". She never showed me how to shave my legs or put make up on or was interested in any of my hobbies.

So I suppose I'm conscious that I was in the process of building a good bond with dd whilst trying not to overcompensate for what my mum didn't do. And just didn't expect another dd to come along too and thought that it would be a DS for DH to do the same. I can see that this us ridiculous as it would assume that DH has no bond with dd and I'd have no/a lesser need for a bond with a DS. DH and dd are incredibly close so there's no reason the sane wouldn't happen with another dd.

I think as well newborns are so functional and don't give much back. Whereas dd1 makes us laugh every day and is, at 2.8yo, much more interactive.

We just need to get to know our new little bundle. She is incredible - and I guess I'm learning to let go of How I Imagined Life To Be and letting these funny little people show me what life will be

[Dulra]

I have 3 girls and like you when i had my third girl I was momentarily disappointed that I didn't have a boy but now they are 2, 4 and 7 and all completely different in personalities and all really close and I think it is a lovely family unit. I always find when I am out with them people often look at us and smile cos 3 little girls together just looks lovely imo lol What does annoy me is when some people who may have one of each say things like "oh god 3 girls boys are so much easier" and I am like how do you know you only have 1 girl my 3 are all completely different so I could never generalise like that but they seem to think that because they have one of each all girls are like their 1 daughter or all boys are like their 1 boy which makes no sense to me

[weatherall]

Did you not know the sex before the birth?


It just sounds like post parting shock to me.

You are still full of hormones and at peak baby blues time.

I really don't think this felling will last.

[lecherrs]

I always had an older brother, but we were never that close, because we had different interests. He was / is into typical blokes things: football / cricket etc and I like typical girlie things: shopping / spa etc. We get on well enough, but we haven't got anything really in common. I think that's true for a lot of my friends. If I did a straw poll, of my friends those that have close sibling relationships tend to be of the same gender. Although of course, there are always exceptions to that!

I always wanted two of the same gender, and have been lucky to have two girls. Thankfully for me, they enjoy the same things and they are close to each other, so they play well together and we do lots together with the girls. It's quite different to my child good where dad did stuff with my brother, whilst mum did stuff with me! Of my friends, the ones who find the juggling the hardest are those that have I've of each, because they do then tend to do different hobbies and have constant juggling.

Every combination have it's advantages and it's disadvantages. I think you just have to look and see the advantages in the combo you've got. Above gives the advantages I've found!

[CateBlanket]

This girlie-v-tomboy thing gets my goat. Girls can like sport AND playing dressing up too, y'know, as can boys if their parents aren't too uptight to let them.

And the father/daughter relationship doesn't have to be along the lines of Daddy's Little Princess; DH and DD do sport together, go camping and watch DVDs together - Star Wars and Barbie No doubt when she's 18 he'll buy her her first drink at the pub. Just be grateful for what you have and enjoy your DC.

[BertieBotts]

I always wanted two the same, not one of each. But I wanted them close in age. I wouldn't have minded two girls or two boys.

However now have DS who is five and an only child and thinking if/when we have another I'd like to have two girls instead! The whole superheroes/super powers/competitive/fighting thing is annoying. Wouldn't have minded if I'd had two who could do it to each other, I suppose. And I'm sure girls have annoying phases too. I just find it hard to see DS being so influenced about "what it means to be a man".

[Chopchopbusybusy]

I could have written your OP. I always just imagined having two boys. I had a friend I worked with who had two boys only slightly younger than me. I admired the relationship she had with them. I was also a fan of the TV programme Butterflies and loved the mother/sons relationship. I do have the mini and the grumpy husband but don't have the sons (or the emotional affair)
I now can't imagine life without my girls. They were both quite girly when they were younger. Liked dolls etc. I found that surprisingly easy even although it was a bit alien to me. DD1 is now very like me. Wears jeans all the time. Never wears make up or gets dressed up. DD2 only ever wears dresses and I do feel obliged to comment sometimes on her troweled on make up. DD1 is doing a very male dominated degree. DD2 is likely to do something very different. They do get on very well now but really didn't when they were younger.
I suppose, in short, you will just get used to the situation. I now consider myself very lucky to have two children that I adore.

[Standinginline]

I always wanted boys so was ecstatic with my first ,then had a girl for my second. I want a third and really really want another girl. Girls tend to be closer to their mums when they're older ,all with their children etc...

[Sapat]

We were delighted when DC2 turned out to be a boy because DD had been a very difficult baby (she has ASD) and I really struggled to bond, so getting a different sex helped psychologically to start again fresh. I also like the idea that our family would be more balanced and I would get to experience both sexes. Funnily enough, once I had a boy, I found it easier to give in to the girliness. I no longer fought the pink, though sadly she isn't girlie at all, apart from her hair.

Most people didn't understand why we wanted a 3rd since we had one of each. I just wanted another baby, was not fussed which one. We had a slight preference for a boy since there would be 4 years between the 2nd and 3rd, so I thought having the same sex would help, especially as they would have to share a room. There is 4 years between my brother and I and we fought like dogs, though we get on well now. My bloods came out all wrong with this one and I had to have a CVS and an amnio. For 4 weeks we did not know whether we were going to lose the baby. When the results of the amnio came back clear, we were told we had a boy, I was elated. DS1 had been a joy, so another boy sounded great. Then just as quickly I grieved for the daughter I didn't get and to some extent the daughter I would never have, since DD is not quite a normal child. I have kept all DD's baby clothes and am struggling to give them away.

Now the mother of 2 sons and a daughter I pinch myself. I never thought I would have two sons (I am one of three, 2 girls 1 boy; DH has a sister) and that the females are the minority in my household. My boys are truly lovely and delightful, I get more kisses and I love you from them than I do from DD. I tell DD when I force her to be sociable that we are spending special girl time together and she likes the idea, it makes her feel special. DS1 cracks me up. He loves cars, but likes to park them in DD's pink Happyland windmill. And when I put nail polish on DD he insisted on having some too, so I painted his toes blue. Whereas DD is obsessed with her computer games.

It is so fascinating to see where their sex influences them but also how different their personalities are, regardless of their sex. And watching them grew into people.

[elportodelgato]

PS have a word with your DH - girls can do everything that boys can, mine both play football and DH takes them rock climbing, surfing, skiing, camping, loads of outdoorsy mucky stuff which is really important as they work out who they are and what they like doing.

[elportodelgato]

Hi MATB1, I also always thought I'd have one of each as that's what I grew up with and so did DH. But we ended up with 2 DDs, and I bloody love it. They are SO different from each other, I thought our lives would be a hellish nightmare of pink sparkles, but it really isn't. DD1 is quite girly but also academic, focused and self-assured. DD2 is much more physical, funnier, more musical just totally different from her sister. Thankfully they adore each other and I really would not change our set up for the world. Did you say your DD2 is quite young? Probably once her personality starts to emerge you'll see more how awesome they both are as brilliant little people

[needastrongone]

I have one of each

I always wanted boys, two close together in age, so they would grow up together and be mates etc. My relationship with DM isn't great, so I had no mother/daughter 'thing' to relate to.

So, DD came along and I was a bit shocked and kind of disappointed. And then so totally besotted

DD is now 13 and we have that mother/daughter thing going on. We are very close. I love my DS to pieces too, and would jump through burning buildings for both of my kids, but there's something special going on with my DD.

DS and DH are very close and do a lot of stereotypically masculine stuff together (both big into rugby), neither of my kids miss out.

As others have mentioned, they have very different interests though, DD has a very time consuming hobby which takes us out of the house a lot, with me having to leave DS (he's 15!!).

My friend has 3 DD's, they all do the same thing as my DD (ride). I sometimes think that would be easier, as they all do everything together, although I guess that might not be a gender related reason.

And.. I have two older brothers, who as adults, I get on very well with. It was a big age gap that prevented this when I was a child myself.

DD and DS get on, but are not close.

[cathyandclaire]

We have two DDs and DH and I have brothers. I too assumed I'd have one of each. I thought we may have a third child but as DD2 grew and her personality developed our family felt complete. I can honestly say I'm so glad to have had two of the same sex. DDs are older teenagers now and are so close and such a support to each other, they are a little unit, it's lovely to see (disclaimer: they still have squabbles and went through a tricky stage when DD1 was entering puberty and DD2 was an irritation to her.)
Give it time, in a family of boys your girls are very special :)

[Toohotforfishandchips]

I was say girls have more options in a a way - they definately can do everything boys do but boys can't be in brownies You role is to make sure both girls are encouraged to be themselves and not be pigeon holed

[MATB1]

For friends with lots of girls in their families it seems to be about getting that elusive boy... For those with lots of boys it's like a pride thing.

I know girls can do anything boys can but I don't think DH has got there in his head yet.

[tethersend]

I think you might be me

For me, it really was gender disappointment; I only ever saw myself with boys. I have two girls. Two AMAZING girls. They are now 5 and 2 and I can honestly say not only do I not want any more children, but I am so glad I have the two I have. I no longer want a boy.

I too found it hard at first to figure out who DD2 was. I think that's part of having two children of the same gender. Then her personality started to develop, and she was so different to her sister. They are still very different, but get on brilliantly. Definitely give it time.

"Even amongst my friends it semi feels like boys are the preferred gender. Perhaps these old gender stereotypes are still more rife in my/our subconscious than I realised."

Yes. This. For me, this was huge. Don't minimise it- I had to do some serious challenging of my own preconceptions, and ask myself why I felt boys were somehow more worthy than girls. I thought I was a feminist before, now I know I am

[Toohotforfishandchips]

Where as I ended up with a totally tomboy DD now 5 and a DS aged 3 who are so alike it's scary. People say to me ... 'how nice to have one of each' . I think ... 'you are talking rubbish'. Those mums who really want a girl so they can do girly things, ballet, brownies, craft and pretty dresses would be bitterly disappointed with my beautiful funny, sporty, independant free willed mad daughter who hates pink

[CPtart]

I agree with tobysmum. I have 2 DS. Their relationship, which seems so solidly based on likes of doing the same thing, is far more important to me than my experience of having a DD. I would have liked a girl for me, but for them- having a sibling of the same gender has proved invaluable.

[Toohotforfishandchips]

I have one of each. When DC2 was due I kept swaying between wanting a boy and wanting a sister for DD - thinking they would be girly friends. I ended up with a DD who does kick boxing, gymnastics, footy and swimming and is mad on bike riding. She has no interest in anything girly what so ever. She and DS are very close. God knows what I would have done if my second was a girly girl!!!
Every child is so so different and girls does not mean no footy etc

[tobysmum77]

I have 2 girls. I think there are big advantages to having 2 the same gender tbh.

[CultureSucksDownWords]

Oh, you will do both your children justice MATB1 I'm sure! You don't have to do anything specifically because they are girls. They'll get plenty of gender stereotyped input from wider friends/family and society in general if that's what you're worried about.

Fwiw, my DM was not in any way a "girlie" type woman. She did lots of sports and was not interested in hair, makeup, clothes, jewellery etc. Didn't cause me or my DSis any issues at all, and we went through the usual teenage experimentation with all that sort of stuff until we worked out or own approach.

[MATB1]

Well I think where I was a bit tomboyish when I was little, that's what I know. My mum never really did the whole girlie thing with me either so I guess I'm worried I simply won't do girls any justice.

I'd sadly say that both my dad and FIL are a bit chauvinistic so I think that has perhaps influenced how DH thinks. MIL is thrilled to have granddaughter girls after a house of boys and, in my view, goes a bit OTT on he girlie stuff because she finally "can".

I have said to DH that anything he would've done with a boy he can still do with our girls and that I'd be horrified if he didn't purely because they are girls.

Even amongst my friends it semi feels like boys are the preferred gender. Perhaps these old gender stereotypes are still more rife in my/our subconscious than I realised.

I dunno. Not sure what I think we'd be missing out on really and this newest little bundle is simply the sweetest little thing ever. And DD1 is brilliant anyway.

Part of me is glad to have broken the boy cycle. And pleased to be the first ones with girls so no one in our family can tell me how to raise sisters because the haven't done it themselves (whereas I think they all would happily tell me what's what with a boy/brother).

I like the fact that my new girlie is bewildering everyone. But still shocked that I won't have a boy.

[CountBapula]

I had always just assumed we would have 2 children and they would be a boy and a girl.

I was the same, and was when I found out that DS2 was a boy. I have a big brother, so older boy/younger girl is normal to me.

It didn't help that my mum has always gone on and on about how happy she was when I was born that she'd 'got her little girl' and that she felt so sorry for her friend who had two boys She's had to backpedal pretty quickly since then.

DS2 is only four months old but he's SO different from DS1, in looks and personality. It's fascinating how they're such little individuals, right from birth.

So when people say to me, 'Oh, but wouldn't you have liked one of each?' I say, 'I have got one of each: a mad, noisy, feisty one and a calm, placid one' (DS1 and DS2 respectively). Then I give them a look.

I do occasionally feel a pang when I see cute frilly dresses - though that's partly because boys' clothes in this country are so shit (skulls and crossbows, and dinosaurs - yuck). But I'm so happy with my two little dudes. The fact that they're both stunningly beautiful helps