Overwhelmed by stories of bad things happening to children since I had DC

[CityDweller]

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this? Since I had DD (well, actually, since she was about 8 months old) I find I am affected, to the point of being overwhelmed, if I read anything about bad things happening to children. I'm almost overcome with pre-emptive grief at the prospect of anything happening to DD.

For example, there was something about the Bulger killers in the papers a few weeks ago, which just made me feel very overwhelmed at the idea that something so awful could happen to a toddler (esp. the idea that they might be very frightened before they died). Today I read something about a memorial fund in the name of one of the little girls who died in the Sandy Hook school shooting. Again, I was overcome with grief at the idea of all those terrified little children in that school as the shooter rampaged.

Is this normal? Do all mothers/ parents feel this? I've never been one to feel such strong emotions about situations that don't directly impact me. Now I almost want to avoid social media and the news for fear of hearing about something else terrible happening to small children...

[CrimeaRiver]

I get this massively. And yet, I will be the first to admit, I do NOTHING to help the millions of children worldwide who are starved, tortured, abused, neglected and worse. This hypocrisy and heartlessness of mine has been playing on my mind for over a year now, in which time more have perished, and I think it is slowly building up to something. I'm not there yet, but getting there.

I don't know if this is a cop out or if it is actually real, but I wonder whether - given the horror of what is happening to other people's children - we don't go there precisely because we have children of our own and it's too much to handle. A kind of price to pay for having the ability to empathise.

Then i think of the scores of humanitarian workers who are mothers and am totally stymied. It's sometimes not possible to reconcile oneself to one's conscience.

[Enjoyingmycoffee1981]

u earlier, yes and yes. It's a relief to know there are others like me.

My mind sometimes wanders to all the horror that could happen to my precious children,and I feel utterly desolate. Why do we do it to ourselves?

My guess is that we all share a very active imagination and are deeply empathetic.

[Halfpint76]

Me too. Like batteryhen, the Daniel Pelka case haunts me still. I don't think I will ever forget him. I was pregnant with ds2 at the time and ds1 was about Daniel's age. I have signed up for the mandatory reporting petition that was set up so that I felt I had done something positive and would help contribute to it stopping it ever happening again.

I can't bear to read about any case of child abuse or neglect. I look at my own 2 children and thank god how lucky they and I am (touch wood). But....I still envisage nightmare scenarios of what could happen to them based on the dreadful things In the news and I see every victim of a murder or attack as someone's baby. I really wish I wasn't this way inclined. But as someone once said to me, it is better to realise that these incidents are the rarities and just think of all the children around you that you know who are utterly adored and protected by their parents and will hopefully be exactly the same with their own children.

[Meerka]

all the time. husband has a fluffy-bunny scale that he rates films on, if any fluffy bunnies are hurt im not allowed to see it, it's too much teary trouble.

[PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair]

My ex used to say to me "mother of one, mother of all". It was a bit of a pisstake, but actually summed it up.

[Cariad007]

I've just had to hide a friend from work on Facebook as she keeps posting photos of dead Palestinian children. And she has a small baby herself!

[7Days]

My counsellor said the exact same thing Fireside

Most of her anxiety clients are new mums, apparently, where normal vigilance and empathy just combine to create a monster.

[firesidechat]

So normal and it should really be in all the baby books.

Watching the news was almost unbearable for months after having babies and anything to do with childen - well, a complete meltdown.

I was watching a sad/funny film (Philamena) with both of my children a few days ago. Daughter who has just had a baby was in floods of tears and other daughter looking at her in amazement and couldn't understand what was wrong. Those blasted hormones have a lot to answer for.

I have a theory that it's natures way of protecting our children because it seems to go hand in hand with imagining the worst case scenario. It means we are constantly looking out for potential dangers. Probably rubbish, but I'm sticking with it.

[turkeyboots]

I felt like this too when DD was born. Maddie Mcann and Baby P were in the news lots and it had an awful effect on me. So I stopped reading tabloids and free papers, avoided baby groups as everyone just seemed to love to gory details and didn't watch the news for years. Horrible things happen, but look after yourself and don't read about them.

[7Days]

Me too

It just spiralled totally out on control with me, ended up Not Coping At All. if you feel its overshadowing the good get it seen to. It can slide into anxiety disorders but they are very treatable.

[suitsyousir]

How about emotional dads? im an 18 stone, built like a brick outhouse doorman, yet when working an event a few months ago I was overcome with emotion after dealing with a lost child, who was about one year younger than my DS. It never happened before my son was born, but reuniting the girl with her parents brought a tear or two to my eye. Never happened before!!

I got some stick from my colleagues that day

[QTPie]

Yes, normal. Although if you start to feel seriously depressed, go see your GP.

I am not an "emotional" person, but I still feel it. DS is now 4.5, we fly to the US next week and the recent terrorist concerns (on flights to the US) are really quite worrying me; not for me, but for DS. Having children really does change your priorities and make you very aware of the fragile-ness of young life...

I think that you have to use it positively: use it to be forewarned and protect your DC as much as possible (ie being vigilant) and really embrace every day. We don't know what will happen (to any of us tomorrow) - so make every day count.

[Trapper]

I wasn't expecting Game of Thrones spoilers on this thread

[OriginofSymmetry]

It's easy for this sort of thing to tip over into anxiety/depression. It's knowing the line between 'normal' worrying and obsessing over possibilities of very rare thins that might happen to your children. Personally, It's a warning sign to me that my mental health might not be tip-top when I spend too much time worrying about stuff like that. A few years ago I got very very upset and a little obsessed with the Baby P case, with hindsight it was just before I was diagnosed with Pnd.

[Ratbagcatbag]

I'm normally teary anyway, but since having dd I've been much worse.

It's things like the McCann case, if that happened to me I just don't know how I'd go on, the not knowing. :( can make me cry if I think about it too much. I have to really kick myself mentally when I start thinking about the cm's and i hope they are watching her etc.

I like twitter queens analogy regarding emotional thermometer dropping (mind you my bullshit put up with thermometer dropped by the same so that's something too)

[Cariad007]

My parents have friends who lost their 10 month old son over 30 years ago. I vaguely remember him and remember that he died the day f my brothers birthday party. I knew the story and had heard it many times but my parents visited these friends recently for the first time in 25 years and when my mum spoke of the baby's death I burst into tears and had to hold 4 month old DS. Weird isn't it?

[Twitterqueen]

Entirely normal but I don't think it's hormonal - or rather it is but it's THERE FOREVER. My DCs are late teens and I STILL have these thoughts.

The biggest post-child shock was crying at anything and everything sad on tv in a book, magazine etc etc. My emotional thermometer dropped about 20 degrees and has stayed there ever since.

[CityDweller]

minmooch I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right - worrying does absolutely no good and doesn't help prepare you for the worst.

[weatherall]

I don't get this.

But I'm just not a sentimental person.

[PortofinoRevisited]

I couldn't watch the news for months when dd was born. It is totally normal. Your new reality is that you need to protect your kids from all harm. In fact, in the West at least they are generally pretty safe. It does get easier.

[minmooch]

Pretty normal I think when you become a parent. All that worrying does no good when the unthinkable does happen to your child. I lost my 18 year old son to brain cancer. I have another son but I have to let him live his life without catastrophising everything. It's exhausting but I no longer read papers, watch little real life tv (try and watch boxed sets so no adverts). Don't watch the news.

[VashtaNerada]

DH showed me an advert for a zombie video game showing a little girl turn into a zombie and then get killed. It's very cleverly made (which is why DH showed it to me) and I ended up full-on sobbing while he hugged me, completely horrified by my reaction. He couldn't stop apologising

[CityDweller]

God, so glad it's not just me!

And I remember that Challenge Anneka episode Nicky Or at least, I remember the Romanian orphans. Thanks for that

[VerityWaves]

Yes I think this is normal. You become a bit more sensitised definately.

[batteryhen]

I am massively like this too. The one story that really affected me was that of little Daniel Pelka. It still makes me cry when I think about it.
I also well up at the thought of my little ds being terrified and crying for me and I am not there.
I really don't know what the answer is. The save the children advert with all those little ones sleeping on the streets just finishes me. I just can't bear children suffering.