Please dont get me wrong. I am an adult, I grew up in a different world, in a different time, where kids were kids and roamed free, and where school and homework was a natural part of life. I never questioned things much at that age, I went with "the flow". I also did what my parents told me to do.
I struggle with our 11 year old. We are in London where kids dont roam free, and where you dont just go knock on somebodys door to play or hang out.
I honestly dont know what to do! He comes home from school, is knackered, sits in front of his pc and aimlessly go between minecraft, and youtube videos. He seems obsessed with shooting games, bb guns, guns, and we found him looking at some gory stuff yesterday where people were impaled. He had found a reference to this on a Fails video.
He has a strong will. I cannot "make" him do anything. I struggle to get him to stop playing games, struggle to get him to do homework, he has lost interest in the trampoline, his skateboard, lego mindstorm, wont read books, not interested in good programs on tv. Nothing. Everything is a battle. I fight with him over homework until last minute where he suddenly blows a fuse because he had not done homework. I am incredulous, because I have told him Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday that he has a special homework in for Wednesday, and on tuesday night all hell breaks out because he is frustrated that he has not done it and he will get detention. I tell him he will take the consequences and get detention, and he freaks out.
What am I supposed to do? All weekend was spent on minecraft. I could not get him off that game. In the end I and ds2 went out without him, and just left him at home. He baked an apple crumble on his own, which he eventually binned without letting us have any, because we did not eat it straight away after dinner. We were watching Top Gear together, and he made a point of not watching because we were asking him to join us.
DH took them swimming on Sunday, and he refused to come, so dh left him behind with me. I was supposed to use the time he was away to study, and with ds1 home I couldnt. I tried to get him to do homework, he wouldnt.
He is too big to lift him off his chair and carry him out.
He is refusing to do everything and anything we ask of him, and shouts and screams if we try to restrict his minecraft.
I honestly wish we could afford to send him to boarding school. I have tried so hard to create a happy family life, and I am so drained by him.
I have not bothered to NC, so please go easy on me as I am feeling really fragile about this whole parenting lark.
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
How can I give my 11 year old a "childhood" in London. What can we do?
Quinteszilla · 26/03/2014 10:23
We are doing banana muffins this weekend. So I have been told! 
No seriously, they have done work on Wilfred Owen, a soldier who was also a poet, in addition to Shelley. They are miles ahead.
I grew up in Ireland where you start secondary school rising 13 rather than 11. Everything was (and probably still is) much more rote learning and "churning facts back out" at that level. If someone had given me "turn of the century poets" out of the blue to discuss at 11 I would have really, really struggled and that's as a grade A english student.
The Irish system at second level was for me, much the same as primary insofar as it is fact based rather than discursive and encouraging independent thought. I really struggled when I started university as a result whereas the A level system here is much more university like in it's approach from what I can gather. I am very taken aback at the work he is being set at 11 though. I am clearly going to have to kick my brain back into gear by the time my kids hit that age.
Run/cycle and possibly cook Crumble making should be encouraged at all times !
OP - I find your last post really revealing.
He's upset about his French score = he's used to being a high achiever in school and is coming down to earth with a bump in his new school.
He started school earlier than his peer group in Norway = he was quite possibly ahead of his class in some areas as a result, and is used to being a high achiever.
Struggling with subject where independent thought etc. You mentioned his ethics homework up thread somewhere and I was 
for an 11 yo to receive homework at this level. Add in a schooling gap, different teaching approach and a gap in his English and it's not a big surprise that he's a bit miserable. As an adult I'd be stressed and miserable if I started a new job in an area I was used to doing well in and found I was not achieving and actively finding it a real struggle. Had a similar experience after mat leave returning to find that my brain matter appeared to have died.
I really am no expert, but I think the English tutor suggestion is good. Particularly if you could get someone to mix it up and take him out for a few hours on a Saturday morning (fresh brain) sometimes (depending on the topic) so it is more discursive?
The only other suggestion I would make is has he tried indoor climbing? Fab fun (for everyone actually), particularly appeals to boys, there's usually a good social scene with it, it's a safe warm indoor environment in the depths of winter with no booze (thinking a few years down the line). Quite a few centres will do a teaching session as part of a birthday party for a few hours too.
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