I don't like my 3yr old

[endlessshame]

I've name changed for this as I'm so ashamed.

I have 3 yr old DS and a 1 yr old DD.

I am just having the worst time being kind to DS right now. I find his behaviour so hard to tolerate - even though I am sure he is actually quite a good boy. His constant whinging about being allowed a snack or watching a DVD winds me up no end (just for 2 examples). I have got down to his level, I have calmly explained, I have told him I will answer the whinging once and then if he keeps asking the same question he will get ignored etc. It just never ends though. Every morning I think that I will do better and be more patient that day and then within about 3 minutes of him getting up I am moaning at him for not watching where he is going and standing on his sister, not listening, snatching toys etc etc. I find it hard to bear the physical nature of him too - he's always bashing into me, standing on me, accidentally hurting me with stuff

It feels like I am just constantly getting wound up by him. And I know I'm the adult and I ought to do better. He has now started arguing black is white now. We were driving to pre-school the other day and he said "mummy this isn't the way to pre-school", so I reply "yes it is" and then he just keeps saying "no it isn't" over and over. And that sounds so daft now written down but it gets under my skin until I am biting my tongue not to shout at him to shut up. That's horrible isn't it.

I'm not depressed. Im not particularly sleep-deprived. I take him out to the woods to run about loads. This hasn't started since DD arrived, its just the past few months. We do stuff just the 2 of us - but its getting to the point now id rather he just spent time with DH as I have no patience.

I actually feel worse for having written all that

[FightingOverImaginaryIcecream]

If I started drinking wine at around 6:30am I reckon I could manage 'tender moments and nurturing bliss' parenting most days. Unfortunately that seems a little frowned upon, for some unknown reason...

[cory]

I found the age of 3 far, far harder than the teens or the terrible twos or pre-puberty or any other supposedly difficult age- and my eldest will be 18 next birthday, so I hope there aren't too many shocks to come.

[Slapperati]

Shame on you Fighting, you should float through parenthood on a serene cloud of tender moments and nurturing bliss.

Of course we're allowed to admit there are aspects of parenting we don't like, it doesn't make us bad parents.

And I'm not wound up in the slightest, but thanks for asking, Marvellous.

[FightingOverImaginaryIcecream]

Without meaning to be flippant, I still loved/love my DS's as 3yo's, but reserve the right to not enjoy parenting them all the time.

DS1 was a vile 3yo, which I found hard going when I had a 1yo to look after. DS1 is now a (mostly) lovely 5yo and DS2 is driving me utterly crazy.

I have no better advice than, this too shall pass, and then come again, and then pass again. I hear the teenage years are worse .

[MarvellousMabel]

I agree with you slapperati - it's an idea to use. I've done similar things with varying degrees of success. Sometimes it's a case of trying something/anything new to get out of a rut of moaning, whinging etc.

As for patronising/confusing/sarcastic, nope; not seeing it.

Don't get wound up though - wave it away. It's 'tintenet and people will pick fights over kittens and bow ties if they so choose.

[Slapperati]

Yet everyone else on the thread got the point I was making

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

""That's right diddums, we're not going to pre-school we're going to the moon, where the space dinosaurs live.""

Confusing and a little patronising.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Apology?

[Slapperati]

Still waiting for my apology atthestrokeoftwelve :)

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Fixitup, I totally agree. Three year olds need to feel a little in control of their lives, and we need to focus on the positive and try not to turn things into a battle of wills.
I don't punish, but that's another kettle of fish!!

[cashewfrenzy]

My 3.5 year old darling is still screaming and yelling at me 45 minutes after I've put her to bed. She's exhausted, in fairness, but in order to change her clothes and brush her teeth I've had to basically manhandle her because she's done that limp toddler thing. Followed by epic tantrum. She is very very lucky that she wasn't born in Victorian times.

Nobody's saying they're malicious. It doesn't mean they're not pretty damned horrible at times.

[FixItUpChappie]

My kids are the same age.

I recommend a great book by Harvey Karp called the Happiest Toddler on the Block. My DH and I read it together and found some of the techniques very simple and easy to initiate.

It can be easy to forget, especially with a 1 year old around, that at 3 he is just so little still. Its very helpful to separate "annoying" behaviours from "naughty" ones. Think of the world from his 3 year old perspective - so many no's, so many rules, so little control. If he gets the same response to annoying behaviours as he does naughtly ones - that is a lot of telling off off in a day. Where is the motivation to cooperate?

Try to find the fun OP. Be silly, diffuse things instead of getting in a hole with it all, redirect, reframe, distract, plan ahead for time when you know he will struggle. Solicit his cooperation. If you are positive, then there is a much better chance that he will be more cooperative with you and that he will stay positive too.

Sometimes when my 3 year old is driving me mad with repetitive whining I start to sing loudly about how wonderful he is but how he is driving me mad. We end up laughing. I'm not saying that always is how you deal with it but you've got to find the fun.

[Mrsfrumble]

I don't think anyone is suggesting their toddler is evil or malicious!

In the case of my boy, it's the combination of willfulness and knowing just what he wants without the benefit of common sense, empathy or understanding how his actions affect others that makes him such hard work. We're trying hard to teach him, but really it's just a case of waiting for him to mature.

He IS only little. And cute and funny. Mostly....

[PseudoBadger]

I don't mean bad as in he's a bad boy! I meant it in the sense of me finding him difficult, challenging etc, both whilst being pregnant and having a small baby.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Can a three year old be "bad"? Quite a depressing though. THey are only little and just discovering themselves and the world.

[PseudoBadger]

Um. I thought my DS was bad at 2. 3 is a new level!

[violator]

My DS is 2.5 and has been like this for a few months now.
Every morning is the same, "I'm not going to school" "I'm not going to the shop" "I'm not going to grandad's house" etc.

Lying on the floor while I'm trying to dress him, purposely running upstairs when it's time to go out, throwing massive fits over nothing (today's fit was because I opened the curtains this morning).

Tell me honestly, I can take it, how much worse does it get at 3?

[Mrsfrumble]

Oh my, I could have written this too. 3 year old is rude, grumpy, plays up in public and refuses to share anything with the 1 year old. 1 year old is an adorable, smiley bundle of squish (as the 3 year old used to be) and I feel horribly guilty about how much easier she is to love than her big brother.

I do love him of course. He's just such hard work! Even his doting, indulgent grandmothers both say so!

Part of the trouble is that he just doesn't seem to get sanctions or consequences. For instance on Friday evening I decided I'd had enough of his bad manners (he doesn't get anything he asks for unless he says please, but always has to be reminded) so I told him I wouldn't grant his requests unless he asked politely the first time. 2 minutes he later he tells me to "get him some juice!". I said no way. He screamed and cried and begged non-stop for the next 45 minutes. I finally told him that if he didn't stop carrying on I'd pour the juice down the sink and he didn't stop so I did! Even then he couldn't make the connection that I'd done it because of his behaviour.

It's so tiring, along with being constantly climbed all over and accidentally head-butted and trodden on.

[dogtiredandfedup]

OP please don't feel bad, I have had many days where I could have written your post word for word, ds is 3.5 now and starting to get better (for me) but whines for England with dh. I have little patience for whining and whinging and found 123 magic (book) helped plus lots of praise when he asks nicely etc. I find it worse now in some ways when he plays up dh because I know he knows how to talk nicely IYSWIM, I have to leave the room as dh just refuses to deal with it and just gives in every time. This too will pass.

[exhaustedmummymoo]

OP don't be so hard on yourself. They are constantly demanding at this age! There have been many occasions when dd has me wound up to pitch point, the super nanny book has helped me, but I still find that dd can turn me from semi decent human to mudessa in 0-60!

See if these tips can help:
Let your ds watch a bit more tv/ DVD and watch it with him and then talk about what you have seen, this will help with his language skills, is a joint activity and help his attention and listening.
When you go walking with him get him to listen to all the sounds eg cars going by, birds singing, airplanes roaring past etc again comment on what he can hear. You will be helping to develop his vocabulary, his listening skills, and you may even get a few mins of blissful silence!
Hope this helps

[MaddAddam]

I found 3 the hardest age. My experience of parenting was it got harder up to about 3.5, peaked at that, and since then it's got easier, every year. With dd3 I just gave up trying to have quality time at home with her when she was 3.5 as we both just got annoyed with each other. She went to extra nursery sessions, and we were both happier.

My 3 dds are aged 9, 12, 13 now and I find a teen and almost-teen and primary aged child a walk in the park compared to having a 3 year old.

[cory]

Many years later dh ended up sitting in a political meeting next to our local councillor. After staring at him a few minutes, her face lit up: "I know you! You were the one with the wildebeest!" When dd was about 3 she was very difficult coming home from the childminders, so dh would have to turn the walk into a charge of stampeding wildebeest to keep her moving. Seems it made an impression.

[cory]

Why does slapperati's comment have to be thinly veiled sarcasm? Surely that would only happen if you say it in a sarcastic and unpleasant manner?

I used to do something similar: try to turn it into a pretend game. "You think not?" : "Let's go down this path, then, and see what we can find?"

3 is a difficult age. But I found playfulness got us a long way. Of course I didn't always pull it off. But being able to take some of the maternal frazzledness out of the equation helped a lot.

[spammytrollface]

YY Avon I often offer to chop off achy arms or legs with a rusty axe

[fs2013]

There's nothing wrong with saying "be quiet: and "that's enough now". You don't have to put up with contradiction and whinging!

I had a friend and when our DD's were both 3 I noticed she would go quietly mad while her DD fussed and whinged, My DD knew better than to argue with me. I would treat it like any other discipline issue. "Mummy said that's enough, anymore talk and (sanction) will happen.

I also used to say "CUT" very loudly after a while and she knew what I meant! I think if a behaviour is annoying to you regardless whether other people can ignore it or not it's worth stopping. It's your relationship with your child that's important!

Hope this helps! x