Crying buckets over breastfeeding 6 day old. Help!

[u32ng]

So I had my beautiful boy on Friday but didn't get out of hospital until Tuesday because of problems with feeding (trouble getting latched; having to express; topping up with formula).

I used nipple shields at first which helped him latch but not very well I don't think as my nipples were getting mashed flat after feeding. So decided to stop using them & had many a power struggle to get him to latch without. Managed it but each feed still starts of with a struggle as he cries his head off & goes a bit frantic. Then when he does latch it is shallow (nipple looks a teeny bit mashed when finished) & he tends to get sleepy.

I am crying SO much over this as his hungry cries really upset me, and make me feel I'm not providing. He usually cries not long after feeding & has to be cup fed formula. I am also worried that my milk supply is not being built up properly as my breasts still feel very soft after the last feed.

I just don't know how to get him to latch properly (and I do know all about the 'nose to nipple' thing etc) & make sure my milk doesn't dry up.

Help! :o(

[LilSheepie]

Oh I remember this. It's awful - you are worried, sore and feel like it should be easy, but it isn't!

I totally agree that getting a bf counsellor / advisor to watch you feed is a fab idea - it really helped me as they physically showed me the best way to actually manoeuvre them onto the boob!

If you are worrying about milk supply you could maybe express after a feed to encourage supply and also reassure yourself that you are maintaining production? (Sounds like a factory production line I know!)

Someone else mentioned feeding lying down and I agree - if you are relaxed it definitely helps. It is also somehow easier to get the in position - I used to lie my 2nd daughter on a pillow next to be and then tuck her bottom right into my tummy so her head was tilted back to my boob.

A bit if advice I was given which really helped me was that at the start of the feed to consciously stroke her head and close my eyes and think "loving" thoughts as it helps the milk let down and start flowing. Worked for me!

You will get there - don't beat yourself up. It is a huge myth that breast feeding is easy, I know far more mums who've struggled with it than have found it straightforward so you are in good company!

Give your little boy a cuddle and congratulate yourself on giving birth and getting through the first week - by week 6 you'll be in a totally different place!

[NonnoMum]

If you delivered your baby in England or Wales (congrats by the way) you have 24 access to the MWs at the hospital for the first 28 days.

Phone them now.

They might even send someone round.

[NonnoMum]

Oh, and paracetomol??

[javierbademswife]

I went through the same thing with my dd and know how difficult it is - it's very hard to cope when you are feeling so knocked about by birth and the responsibility of being a new mum. I don't really have any new advice. I talked to my midwife and was put in touch with my local breast-feeding support group. They were absolutely incredible - a group of local new mums run by a local midwife/breast-feeding councillor. As soon as I walked in I burst into tears - they gave me brilliant advice and fed me tea and cake and I made new friends who were in the same boat. My advice is ask for help as soon as possible.

There is no shame/harm at all in moving to a bottle if you find that breast-feeding just doesn't work for you.

[marriedinwhite]

Many will help you with the technical bits. But I am 52 and have two dc who are 18 and 14. Breastfeeding can be lovely (I didn't manage for long with my eldest). It has health benefits but they aren't really measurable. Rather like giving birth, breast feeding is a tiny tiny part of a being a mummy and a tiny tiny part of the bond that will develop between you and your baby.

Breast milk is the ideal. But nothing is as important as love and being happy enough and well enough and comfortable enough to enjoy your baby and be happy with him or her.

Your baby will not remember the birth or the difficulties of breastfeeding. Your baby will remember love and cuddles and the first time riding a two wheeler with you pushing and letting go; your first cheer from the touchline as he scores his first try; running to you for a hug with blood running down his leg from his first fall; you being there for his first nativity play or Christingle; you at the gate on his first day at school, your smell; a special story, etc., etc..

This is the beginning of a long and successful story. It isn't the be all and the end all. Great if you succeed; not a tragedy if you don't.

Good luck. You are a lovely mummy already for caring so much. >>hugs

[ubik]

yes get midwife to check for tongue tie.

i bf three babies, dd3 was a fecking nightmare. i cried for days trying to feed her when all the mw did was leave me with a fecking patronising DvD about bf. I had to literally bite on a belt to get DD3 latched on.

After an agonising weekend, 6 days later, i broke down in front of mw and she finally looked in dd3's mouth - tongue tie. tongue nipped same day and went on to bf for 12 months.

get them to check.

and good luck (giving formula to give yourself a break while it's so painful is definitely something to consider )

[u32ng]

Thanks very much for your help. Midwife is coming tomorrow afternoon so will speak to her then for face-to-face assistance, but will phone helpline in the morning. Never thought about tongue-tie - I will definitely get the midwife to check.

Dreading tonight's night time feeds though :o(

(I have the lansinoh stuff & thank goodness because it IS good!)

[u32ng]

sigh that was obviously not meant to be a grin face - meant to be an unsmiley one!

[Mandy21]

No real advice other than whats already been said but just wanted to say you're doing a fab job and don't lose sight of the fact that you're a mummy with a beautiful DS.

All I would say is that it really does get easier, I absolutely promise

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

u32 - you are bringing it all back to me.

I was very, very, very, lucky in that I was living with my parents when DD was newborn and my mum had BF both me and my brother and was so helpful and understanding. I vividly remember the night feeds in the early days, crying and saying I can't go on - mum said 'not a problem, get through tonight and if it's no better after you've seen MW in the morning, we can think about getting some bottles'

I think once I realised that it wasn't the be all and end all and there was an alternative, I relaxed. The next day wasn't as horrendous, MW helped with latch and things got better and over time easier - it was never THAT bad again IYSWIM. I ended up BF DD until she was 13 months (pure laziness on my part ) in the end. If I had been told that I would manage that long, during that horrendous night, I would have laughed/cried and screamed 'LIAR'.

Now awaiting the birth of DS (6.5 weeks and counting) and really want to BF, but know this time that it may not be an easy ride and not to beat myself up if it is hard.

Can you have a bath, relax and then try the lying down to feed suggestion by others? Just to get you through tonight.

((hugs))

[LadyWidmerpool]

Good luck tonight OP and congratulations on your new arrival.

[SirBoobAlot]

Best thing for sore nipples is actually breast milk :) So when they leak, rub a little bit back in. If you use lansinoh (not a bad thing, it's great stuff) be sure to only use a tiny amount, or it can make your nipples too slippery for them to be able to latch on to.

Best of luck for tonight.

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello u32ng

Many congratulations on your son.

We've had an email suggesting we move this to our Breast and Bottle Feeding topic area, where you might get some extra responses (not that the posters on here haven't done brilliantly already ) - let us know if you'd like us to do that for you.

Just hit 'report' on any post in the thread, and put in a message explaining that you're the OP and you'd like it moved.

Best of luck with getting the BFing going.

[Floweryhat]

I hope you have an OK night OP. If you can, then sometimes jut taking it one little bit at a time can help, e.g. "I'm just going to get through the next 5 mins". "I'll do this feed and then see how I feel" etc. People may well be around on MN overnight if you're up .

Also, if you possibly can, then try to remember that 3-4am is the worst time in the world to make decisions, and the hardest to be awake. It will pass, and morning will come.

Sleep well x

[Floweryhat]

PS Congratulations !!

[FunnysInLaJardin]

I FF too after 6 weeks of misery (mashed bleeding nipples and mastitis are clear in my mind 7 years on) with DS1 and 4 weeks with DS2. By all means OP do what all are advising WRT continuing BFing, but please don't make yourself too unhappy. Formula is fine too!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Yes, please do keep us updated. If you are struggling, don't feel that you have to wait for the mw to call. Please call them now. As others have said, if you gave birth in England or Wales you have 24 hour access for the first 28 days. You don't have to suffer in silence but you may have to actively seek RL help out

[crazycrush]

You have gotten good advice here: lots of skin to skin, offer boob regularly, get help from LaLecheLeague, and don't stress if he is getting a bottle or cup also... you ARE providing.

Establishing bf takes time (weeks, not days). Try and enjoy those precious first days.


Congrats on your baby!

[waterrat]

a simple correction to my latch from the bf specialising midwife completely altered my breastfeeding from agonising to beginning to become bearable...(they are not all BF specialists - you can call your local hospital where you gave birth and find out the names of the local experts )

best point made here is the one above - bf takes a few weeks to establish - that is very normal. Of course you shouldn:t feel bad if you switch to formula - but if you want to breastfeed nearly all difficulties can be sorted out with help. Sorry - the comment above that the health benefits of BF are not measurable is not true! but please no need to make this BF v Formula...you want to bf right now, there is help available if you want to continue.

I can only offer my personal story - I found it incredibly hard work establishing a comfortable way to breastfeed - but..once I got through those first 4/5 weeks it is the easiest thing in the world....that is why I would )again just me personally) always recommend keeping going through the tough bit - because its so easy once you are through the tough bit.

And - within 6 months you are only feeding a few times a day, it takes 10 mins or less to feed - I would never have believed how simple it was by that point. at 9 months Im still going.......also wouldn:t have thought that possible in the early days

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

u32 have you spoken to the mw yet? How are you getting on?

[Bookwolf32]

Agree about checking for tongue tie- my dd had hers cut at 3weeks and it was a big improvement. Don't pay too much attention to the recommended positions e.g. nose to nipple, the shape/size of my breasts has meant my dd never been in that position. Try and go to a breastfeeding cafe if you can find one near you, just having support makes all the difference.

[marriedinwhite]

Very much hope you have had a better day today. And congratulations on the birth of your son.