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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Anyone tell themselves they'd never have another baby but then did?

38 replies

SuperDuperTrooper · 09/12/2012 19:42

So my DS turns 1 this month and I've found it to be the hardest year of my life. Over the course of the year I have told myself many, many times that I don't think I could face doing the newborn bit (and then some) again. Not to mention the fact that I would then also have another child to be looking after. Anyway, for some reason, I've been putting the things he has grown out of into storage in the loft and keep wondering why on earth I'm doing this! I guess there is a very very small part of me that wonders if I might change my mind one day - although at 37 years old age time isn't exactly on my side.

So, just wondering really, has anyone else has felt the same but ended up having another or should I just go ahead and give away his old things to someone that needs them?!

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dontmixthecolours · 11/12/2012 16:07

I'm really struggling with this just now. I have 2 DDs, 6 and 3. We always thought we'd have 3 but I had 3 mc's in 14 months and we said no more. I've just had a mirena fitted and now feel like I might want to try again.

In my head I know I shouldn't because of the heartache and the chance of another loss but in my heart I'm really broody.

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BikeRunSki · 11/12/2012 16:09

In first pg,in darkest depths of Hyperemisis I said no more. He was an emcs and a difficult newborn and I still meant it. By the time he was 2 I'd got rid of all the baby stuff. Then we spent Christmas with my nephew and niece who adore each other and DD was born 10 months later... deliberately . Hyperemisis again and crash section.

A v good friend has just had her third baby and SIL has announced her third pg. My only thoughts have been "thank goodness it's not me". DD is 14 months old and I have been getting rid of her stuff as I go along. I am struggling enough with the two I have got.

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allotmentgirl82 · 11/12/2012 19:59

We have two sons aged 10 and 8. We both agreed to not having anymore children as both boys were premature, and I suffered bad pnd with my 8 yr old. I didn't think I could handle another child.
However, as the years went by and the youngest got older, i felt like something was missing. We now have a healthy, happy 21 week old daughter called Daisy!
The boys adore her, we adore her and she fills the gap very well.
That's it though- no more children for us.
I am one of three, my husband should have been one of three (MIL had an ectopic pregnancy), three seems just right for us (four if you count the dog)

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emmyloo2 · 12/12/2012 08:05

I spent last year and half of this year saying I would never have another baby. My DS was not a particularly difficult baby but I found the whole thing overwhelming and was very anxious. The no sleep, the absolute lack of control, the crying, the reflux.....AAAHH!!

Then he hit 20 months and he started to sleep properly, he started to talk and communicate. We could take him out for lunch. He was easy to put to bed. So I relented and agreed with my husband that we could have a second. I kid you not - that night I got pregnant and I am expecting DC2 in May of next year. I am terrified, I will be honest, of having a baby again because I really just feel like my life is becoming bearable again. The only thing keeping me sane is the hope that number 2 will be easier because I will know what to expect and will be prepared. I will have just over 2.5 years between them. However, I am quite sure I will be counting down until the second hits the magic 2 age.

All that aside, I always knew deep down I wanted more than one. It wouldn't have felt complete with just one for me. However, there will not be a third. That I know for sure. I have only ever wanted two.

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SuperDuperTrooper · 12/12/2012 11:23

Wow it's amazing how many people had a change of heart. It must be true about how the memories fade. When my sister asked me if I'd have anymore my response was "only if someone rips my memory out"!

Emmyloo2 your experience sounds just the same as mine. My baby wasn't typical high needs but was difficult to keep content. I however realise that much of the distress was caused by my own anxieties and over reactions. Oh, and sleep deprivation is a terribly cruel thing. I haven't handled that well at all! Perhaps the 2nd would be easier because of having an idea of what to expect. You have definitely got me thinking...

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 12/12/2012 13:39

Every time I give something away, I feel a huge sense of relief. DH is having the snip next week One feels right, and I don't want to miss any of DS's childhood through being knackered and stressed out dealing with another bloody newborn. I think it helps make your mind up if you're not a big fan of the baby stage.

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SuperDuperTrooper · 12/12/2012 13:41

JesusInTheCabbageVan - may I ask how old your DS is?

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JesusInTheCabbageVan · 12/12/2012 13:57

Hi Super, he'll be 1yo tomorrow.

I know the 'sibling' argument. Sometimes I do wonder if he'll think when he's older that we've been terribly selfish, but I'm also very, very sure that he wouldn't get the best of me if I were to have another baby.

Have you read the Wikipedia entry on only children? Well worth a look as it dispels some of the myths about onlies vs siblings.

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SuperDuperTrooper · 12/12/2012 15:19

Your DS is just a week older than mine! No I've not read that wiki page. I'll take a look, sounds interesting. Thanks.

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TheNightwearBeforeChristmas · 12/12/2012 20:13

I said I wasn't having another one for almost 3 years after DS was born. He had colic, didn't sleep much and was very clingy. I was exhausted. When he turned 3, I thought that I didn't want him to be an only like me and that a sibling would benefit him. I really wanted another baby, which surprised me.
DH and I didn't agree on the matter because of financial reasons but a few months later we took a risk and hey presto DS2 was made.

Up until DS1 was 3, I was adamant that I didn't want another one, I felt I couldn't cope etc. Having a gap really helped. I think it's normal not to feel ready for anotherone so soon.
Give yourself some time.

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AppleCrumples · 12/12/2012 20:26

Haven't read all replies but after dd born 4 years ago (dc3) I got rid of everything. Swore there would be no more as I've found pregnancy hard and I was so relieved it was over and I had my lovely family.

Fast forward to now I am 34 weeks pg with no4 and have had to replace all I got rid of! Still hate being pg and as soon as this is over plan to get sterilised.

As somone already said give yourself time as you ds is only little and I think bigger age gaps might be easier (ill let you know as only 2 years between the others)

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ArkadyRose · 12/12/2012 20:52

I had 2 daughters with my late ex (he died 6 years ago following a motorbike accident 2 weeks before DD1's 14th birthday). I was content to leave it that for the most part, except OH (who was adopted at birth) had always made it clear he really, really wanted to have kids. I got to 35 and decided that if I was going to have any more kids, it had to be then or never really, so we decided to go ahead and try for a baby. DD3 was entirely planned. I was 10 weeks pregnant when ex-h died, and DD1 & DD2 didn't really take it too well, particularly DD2.

They came around a couple of years later after their stepmother remarried and then kicked them out; they rather enjoyed living with their little sister. I felt very strongly that DD3 was going to be my last though - having reproduced my DNA, ex-h's DNA and then OH's DNA, that was it - I didn't need any more!

Fast forward to this year, age 39, DD3 happily in school - and suddenly out of nowhere I found myself getting really broody. It didn't help that OH was also very broody & constantly asking if we couldn't have another - he even started donating sperm, the drive was so strong. (He's most disappointed you don't get a little badge when you reach your first gallon as you do with blood donation! ) I've felt a little guilty too that with such a big age gap between DD3 and her big sisters, she's effectively been an only child. So I finally caved and I'm now 8 weeks' pregnant with number 4. I did miscarry on the first try back in September (my 3rd mc) and I did find myself afterwards wondering if the mc was a sign perhaps I'm not as into having a 4th child as I thought. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about this pregnancy, and I do wonder if I've made a mistake. I'm 40 this month; do I really want to be setting myself up for sleepless nights all over again and another 3 years of nappies at my age? I guess doubts are only normal though.

This one will definitely be the last though. 4 children is the utter limit, and I am definitely not going over it. With any luck it won't be long until I hit menopause after this one's born, so it won't be an concern any longer.

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claireb85 · 12/12/2012 22:16

i have a 12 week old boy and since 3 weeks he has been in and out of hospital which has slowly took its toll on me plus the sleepless nights to add to it. i habe foind the first three months to be very hard. i keep saying im not having anothet one i cant go through this again but now hes settlong into a routine another baby doesnt sound too bad ( well in a few years haha)